I tried to sleep but as usual, I can’t. I feel really shitty and can’t wait to see a doctor as much as I hate seeing them and antibiotics. I also need to do a hell of a cleaning job in here.

Damn! Do I need to quit smoking or what? I guess at this point if being able to breathe means always dying for a cigarette and gaining 20-30 pounds then that’s what I’ll need to do.

If Andy doesn’t call by 1:15 then I’m gonna go to bed and I’ll just lay there even if I can’t sleep.

Last night I had a nice talk with Jessie. She called and we spoke for over an hour. She’s very upset with her father and several other people in her family. Her grandfather also died and she fears her grandmother may go any minute too, due to having cancer and other problems.

God, do I ever feel like shit now. My chest is so tight and I’m so tired. I definitely cannot sleep well here. Who could? In MA my schedule was weirder but at least I slept. I seldom lacked sleep like this. The more you lack, the harder it is to catch up. Sounds funny, but it is true.

I hope Lyle has no problem with bringing me to the ER tomorrow. He said he would and he seems pretty reliable. He said he’d knock on my door. Believe it or not, I do have some good news as I mentioned before. Practice was canceled last Monday night as there was a problem with other band members. What, I don’t know. It worked out for the better as Rick was over here that evening. Even he said he was glad it turned out that way as he had no idea about my guitar and keyboard playing. The sooner the better he said so he could alter the sets, songs and work these things in. Since there are 4 of us in the band, he may have me play either guitar or keyboards every now and then as we may have to drop to only 3 of us at times. One of the guys in the band can’t always get out of work, so that’s when I’d fill in. He was so impressed with my guitar and keyboard playing that I was a little shocked. He said, “You’re way beyond basic chords only and you made it sound like you knew very little.” He really really was like, wow! I told him that was flattering and he said, “It’s not flattering. It’s telling it like it is.” So that’s cool and I spoke to dad on his birthday and I’ll write a letter with more details when things get going. Rick said that now that he’s heard me play, he’s gonna change stuff around but that it was worth it.

As far as Laurie goes, I highly doubt she’s ever into women. If so, not me as she’s made no real attempts to talk to me much. Then again, she no doubt assumes I’m straight and doesn’t know me from a can of paint as Tracy used to say. Usually, if you know someone’s gay or not and you like them, you at least try to talk to them, get to know them and find out what you can. This doesn’t change the fact that she’s attractive but I feel she may be one of those who tries to mold a person into what she’d like them to be.

Well, Andy’s late on calling me as he usually is so I’m gonna go to sleep.

Later...

Yes, of course, I’m still up. I took an extra half Theo pill so I do feel better. Less tight. I knew Andy wouldn’t call. Think I’ll go listen to music now.

Later...

I am outside sitting on my back steps as I write this. It’s a beautiful day. More summery rather than spring. After winter there’s hardly any spring before it goes right into summer. Shadow’s taking a nap in a pile of leaves. Jenny, Layne and her sister Jessica are playing jump rope. One of Barb’s sons and his friend are now joining in the game along with playing with their basketball.

I chatted with Barb and Dave and Dave’s gonna look around for a used washer for me. I hope I move soon, though. Barb and Dave and their kids know I like them and I know they like me, but living in a building like this sucks.

On my way back from paying the rent, earlier, I ended up speaking to some guys who asked about the band. They’re friends of Lyle’s.

Also, a black woman (I think her name’s Ronda) and I chatted for a while. I met her son who also knows Lyle and Barbara.

Right after I last wrote and began listening to music, Andy did call. He wanted to wait till after 11:00 his time for the cheaper rates now that he’s 3 hours behind again.

I feel better today but I’m still pretty gunked up with congestion. I’m not sure if I’m going to the ER later. We’ll see what’s up with Lyle. I dusted and vacuumed today, had all the windows open so that should help. Cuz this place is on the ground and is so small, just opening my back and front doors airs the place out well.

I got another letter from Bob which is typical Bob. The man is only happy like twice a year. Both his childhood and his adult life are a million times worse than mine. Knowing how mine was tells me something…that his sucked.

Later...

I am now on the phone with Andy and Fran. They’ve spoken to the CC and with Melissa who was boring, though. Andy’s doing his cactus and palm tree problem. I’m his crazy little sister and Fran’s the crazy visitor from next door. They just hung up but Fran called both me and Andy and we were on the phone for an hour and a half.

I went to the ER and was amazed at how quickly I was in and out of there. Lyle took me, along with his son and daughter Naomi and Kevin. Lyle’s sister had a baby girl so he had wanted to see her, but it was too late. Lyle’s gonna go see her tomorrow when he gets home from work and I’ll be babysitting for the kids. At the ER I got Theo and Amoxicillin. I also got those Lactaid tablets which do help.

Tomorrow I have my appointment at the state welfare office.

I sure hope I get some sleep even if it is only a few hours as I got up at 1:00.

I went over to Barb and Dave’s today telling them they were gonna die laughing at my request, but they know it’ll work. I told them how most of the time I set my alarm, yet even wearing no earplugs I never can wake up to it, so can they wake me up? Therefore, before she leaves for work, she’s gonna bang on my bedroom wall which is her living room wall. Funny, huh?

I have more tapes to edit. I have tons and tons of editing to do.

Lyle says he may be getting a 3-bedroom house on a farm within a week. Either way, he says he’s moving whether or not he gets the house. I said I’d join him in apartment hunting as I’ve got to get the hell out too. The people I’ve met are nice but there’s so much I hate dealing with here. The walls are too thin. The outside is a zoo till 9 PM. This summer it will be a zoo from 8 AM-midnight once school’s out and the weather’s warm. Also, this apartment sucks. It’s way too small and I sure do miss showers as much as I also enjoy baths. I hope that by the time I’ve finished the next journal I’m out of this dive. Hopefully way before, but who really knows? I’ve got to start picking up newspapers and looking for a place that’s no more than $500 a month. Hopefully, a place on a bus line in a decent size place even if it’s not as big as the Woodside Terrace apartment. A fairly quiet place, too. It’s dead quiet here at night compared to Locust St., but the noise in the daytime more than makes up for it.