It’s after 1:00, yet the fucking dogs are going off. They just go on and on. There’s no end to their shit! Never have I ever heard of dogs that bark this much. I’ve never seen anything like it before. I just hope to hell they’re not taking one of their fits when we go to show the house, even though the next people in here will probably have a dog of their own going off in their yard. But none can go off that much and that’s my point.

I spoke to Paula yesterday morning. God, what a hypochondriac! She’s not just a ditz, she’s like Tammy; always with a problem. Now it’s her heart she says is acting up, but I think it’s anxiety. She’s naturally anxious as it is, and this shit of a married whore of a guy she’s dealing with isn’t helping.

Anyway, her birthday is the 31st of this month, so I think I’ll bead her up some necklaces. Also, we want to videotape this house before and after we paint, to add to our home videos, and I’ll mail her a copy at some point. Then she can also see how long my hair is and how fat I still am.

I had to put the bitch’s stuff back in two envelopes. I forgot that you can’t mail anything over 16 oz. without bringing it to a post office (in case of bombs). He’s too damn paranoid to bring it to a post office without a legit return address on it in case he runs into someone he knows. What? He can’t say he’s mailing it for a friend? Damn, he’s paranoid! I think he’s paranoid but is also using this as an excuse to avoid the post office. After all, you do have to wait in line forever there.

I was right. He never offered to go down on me or to screw, yet there was plenty of time for a guy who claims to be horny so much. I have such mixed feelings about it, too. It hurts to see him not take opportunities for more sex and it makes me feel a bit rejected, but it’s also great at the same time, cuz I’m sick of sex with him. I can do a way better job myself and I’d just as well get it over with quickly myself, than have these long drawn out boring sessions with him. I know that a big part of his not initiating much sex is fear of making a kid, but is there more to it? He says I’m beautiful, but unless he has a rather unique idea of beautiful, I’m not beautiful. I’m chunky, I’m aging, and I look like a geek.

Later...

That bites. You mean I can’t print in black ink just because my color ink cartridge is dead? Oh well. Guess I’ll just have to wait till tomorrow to do any more printing.

Andy called and left an 888 number (toll-free) for me to call to win $50,000 for having the best laugh. He said if I won, I could give him $1,000 of the money for referring me to this number. First off, I knew no God would let me win $50,000. It’s just not in our cards, and besides, we could use the money. People who win money tend to not need it much. Secondly, I knew there’d be a catch. The catch was, that as soon as you dial in, a recording comes on saying, “Sorry, only one call per household, but be sure to look for other Pillsbury promotions.”

Later...

I called Andy and we spoke for the better part of an hour. He’s leaving Monday, I hope, for both our sakes. This time around, I just may surprise him by sending a letter to his brother’s house in Springfield. The one he grew up in. When Judy and Al moved into condos, they gave the house to Gary. I remember the address, but not the zip so I’ll just leave it zipless.

I was right, he has no plans to work full-time when he gets back, so he told me. He works 5 days a week, 4 hours a day, and it works out well for him, he says, cuz he always feels like he needs the time off. Whatever works for him.

He said he’s gone from weighing 152 down to 146 cuz he’s been puking like hell. No wonder he’s eating like a pig if he’s losing everything he eats. Then again, it may be the overeating that’s upsetting his stomach. He says it’s the cigarettes, though. I thought he said it was nerves the last time we discussed this. He says he’s been tired a lot cuz of the weed. Too much food can tire a body out too, I’ve heard. In fact, he says he eats so much that he’s tired of washing all the zillions of dishes he uses, so he went out and got plastic dishes/silverware. Well, if he’s happy eating whatever amount he eats, and if he’s happy weighing whatever he weighs - great.

He paid Michelle $100 to stay at his house while he’s gone. Good. I’m glad he’s got someone to feed his cat and to tape his soaps. Michelle’s happy about it, according to him, cuz her mother yells at her all the time. She lives with her mother and her mother’s boyfriend, I guess.

There goes those fucking dogs again. They usually have the decency to wait till 5:00 or 6:00 before they start going off, but not this morning. They usually shut up around 9:00 or 10:00 at night too, so something must’ve been going on to get them going, but I don’t know. I think these dogs just like to go off. Period. I hope the next batch of trash to go next door is like that bitch and her associates were - real noise lovers.

Did he bring up God? Of course. He not only brought up God, but now he’s bringing the angels into his conversation, too. He was saying that he feels God and the angels kept that guy from breaking in that other morning at 4:00 AM. Could be. I asked him if he thought it was connected to Laura. He said no. He said if she was gonna send someone to break in, she’d have them come at 7:00 AM when she knew he was asleep. Even that’s stupid. If you’re gonna break into a house, do it when it’s empty and there are no potential witnesses. Anyway, I still think he gives way too much credit to God. I mean, come on! What fantastic thing has God ever done for him, huh? He has a right to believe what he believes and I don’t try to influence his beliefs one way or another, but still, who does he think he’s fooling?

Later...

Andy, you are one big pain in the fucking, motherfucking, goddamn ass! He asked me to tape a couple of saved messages of his. I wasn’t going to, but then I decided I would, just in case he asked me for the tape before we move. What a pain! I thought the living room phone would work OK, but it didn’t, so I had to fumble with getting the back room phone set up, and good God! I won’t mention leaving a few mad bogus claims on his tape in his file I’ll have for him when we move. I yelled at him about sending Michelle over to play a childish prank on me, and of course, he’ll be racking his brains trying to figure out what the fuck I’m talking about. Remember, these are supposed to be messages I left him that he saved. He’ll probably believe it’s real too, but that he just can’t remember it being the pothead that he is.

I wonder more and more just how much of my dream will come true. My dream is to move to an empty piece of land that’s more than an acre big, to put that last model we saw on it, and get all the furniture and other stuff we want for the new place pretty much right away. Why do I feel, though, that we’ll end up in some kind of development, although he says it’s unlikely, with just an acre and a house that’s already there and not be able to get all the stuff we want right away? Maybe the acre will be big enough depending on what’s around it (although that seems unlikely) and maybe the house will be as big and as nice as that last model and maybe we’ll have to slowly get the stuff we want over time, but if I do have to settle, it won’t be the first time, will it, God? Even so, any place will be better than here with people just a few feet away (when the house is occupied like it normally is) and with barking dogs that are barely 50 feet away.

I created a Dreams file. I decided to write down whatever dreams I remember. Real dreams, that is. Most of the time I don’t remember my dreams, but lately, I’ve been remembering a lot of weird dreams that I thought would be cool to document.