Boy, do they leave early next door. Today they did, anyway. The van left just after 4:00. I could hear voices talking loud enough to tell me just how rude they are. They’re not as loud as the black bitch was, but loud enough for 4:00 in the morning. I could tell that the person in the van was talking to someone outside of the van as it was pulling out of the carport, so again, the person with the van who’s not supposed to be there, works. Meanwhile, there’s at least one adult home now, but probably two or more adults. I wonder if the van will leave this early every day. Does that mean it’ll be back as early as noon since people typically work 8 hours a day? At first I wondered if it was leaving to hide out from the city, but 4:00 is a little overkill of a head start on beating the city since they wouldn’t come out to the house till after 8:00. If they’re even coming out today. All in all, since they’ve been here, except for the ranchero’s mini-concert, they’ve been astonishingly quiet. The lack of bass tells me all the more I can expect a dog any minute (since God’s gonna compensate me for the lack of bass), but that’s when they’ll learn the hard way about following rules. And I’m still pretty sure they’re not supposed to have a dog. That van is not allowed to live there, either. So, if they know what’s good for them, they shouldn’t get a dog unless they want all their frauds exposed; the dog, the van, the people living there that aren’t supposed to be, etc.

Later...

The van’s back. When it left I heard one door slam, but just now I heard two. What? Are they going to be going in and out from 4 AM to after midnight? When do they sleep? And where in the world would you need to go for an hour at 4 AM and why? Questions, questions, questions. I like the mystery here. It makes for fun spying and detective work, but I still kind of wish the bitch had just stayed put. With her and her cronies, I at least knew what to expect. I knew pretty much who was who and what their patterns were as far as who’d come and go and when.

Tom called to let me know he’d be late. I figured as much.

Later...

In Kim’s email to me, she told me her fertility appointments are being postponed so they can check out what they think may be a growth on her cervix. Damn! Talk about hexed plumbing. I really really don’t think she’s ever going to be a mother. It’s rather obvious. I know the signs. All these setbacks are for a reason and I really think that if she was meant to be a mother, she’d have been one by now. She’d be too good of a mother, as far as God’s concerned. She just wouldn’t be abusive enough. Also, it’s what she wants.

Speaking of how life is unfair and all that, it’s amazing I haven’t gotten pregnant in the last couple of years. I’ve always known it’s not meant to be, but knowing how much God loves to give babies to women who don’t want them or who couldn’t cut it as a mother still amazes me that he’s let me off the hook as far as that general rule goes. Nonetheless, as far as Kim goes, something always comes up. There’s always a problem preventing her from conceiving. Regardless of the fact that she wants a kid and I don’t, see what I mean about God using things and other people to control our destinies? It’s no joke. With Kim, he’s using her plumbing and the fact that Walt’s had a vasectomy and is being resistant. With me, if I’m not too dry, too sore, or on a different schedule, it’s Tom’s fear, resistance, and the fact that there’s usually a problem with him. His back, a cold, being tired, sore, busy, too hot, a bum hip, allergies, bum knees, etc. About 7 or 8 out of 10 times we screw, we have to stop cuz of something going on with him. Coincidence? I don’t think so! Try a God-given fear. Well, he can rest assured, cuz even if he had no problems and squirted every day - fate is fate. Just because they couldn’t find anything wrong with me doesn’t mean I can conceive. It simply means that they don’t know why I can’t conceive. I know why, though, and that’s all that counts. I also know I didn’t have all the testing possible done, or have him tested (if he’d have been willing), but what I do know is that the results would’ve been the same - the tests would’ve been negative.

What are his fears based on? The usual - the time the kid would take up, the money it’d cost, my not being able to handle it. Those are the three basic things - time, money, and me. See the pattern? Now ask anyone who’s ever had kids and I’m sure that 98% of them will tell you the same thing - they conceived effortlessly, in no time at all, and they pretty much weren’t planning on it, if they weren’t totally against it. You either have kids just like that, or you don’t have them at all. So, my heart goes out to Kim, cuz I know what it’s like to want a child that cannot be had. I was once in her shoes. Again, as far as having to stop in the middle of sex goes - familiarity is comfortable. However, I feel like all the surprises are a thing of the past. There’ll be nothing new to look forward to. Nothing unexpected. It’s like how I feel about that bitch moving.

I sat and compared a cheaper 4-bedroom Cavco model to the 4-bedroom Redman model I love so much and you know, if we do have to settle if next door really gets out of hand, or if selfish people we’ve helped won’t help us with money if we fall short, it’s really not that much of a settlement. It has its pros and cons as do all models, but it would still work out very well. We could function in it just fine. I just worry that Tom will break his promise to me about not trashing his room, making it harder for me to clean. I know he’ll break that promise. That’s totally his style. He loves things cluttered, unorganized, and in sloppy piles. Saying there’s no room for the stuff is just an excuse.

Anyway, I like how the Redman model’s master bedroom is sandwiched in between its bathroom and its closet, and how it only has two windows. The Cavco has three windows and is on the corner, right smack by the front door. The Redman rooms are bigger, but the Cavco has more of a wall dividing the family room, the kitchen, and the dining area. Its kitchen also has a pantry. So, they sort of even out in the end, although I’d still take the Redman over the Cavco. The sandwiched bedroom with just two windows and the bigger rooms mean a little more to me than more wall length and a pantry.

Later...

That pain is back again. The one that feels like a UT infection. Again, always right before I’m mid-cycle. Could it really then be connected to the ovary on that side? I can’t believe God never hexed my plumbing with growths and things like that and had me have a hysterectomy. I guess he felt a dick that was virtually cumless would do the trick well enough.

Later...

The van left again. I’m sure it’ll be back by 10:00 or 11:00. I’ll bet you anything it’ll come and go 5 more times.

A small truck just pulled in across the street at the rental that says: carpeting & furniture something. There’s also a gray car there. Well, there was. It just pulled out. I wonder if they’re gonna re-rent it or sell it. I hope they sell it. That should keep it empty longer and up the chances of better, white people going in there, but that won’t change the chances of a dog ending up over there.