Tom went to bed earlier today to catch up on his sleep so we can “get together” tonight. And do what? Get him hard and me bored? I like the actual screwing part of it, even if I can’t cum that way, but doing him by hand can get boring when I have to go on and on and do it for long periods of time. Despite the fact that I don’t want a child and that I know he’s doing what he wants to do, I still can’t help but feel like I’m not good enough in bed. I still feel inadequate even though he doesn’t want to cum. Wouldn’t most people whose partner never came feel that way? He’s an exception, though. My not cumming doesn’t bother him. Then again, he would appear not bothered by it after all, cuz he wants to be left alone to be the way he is. Tom’s not your typical person who practices what he preaches. If he wants to be accepted for not cumming, he’ll accept you for not cumming, too. The whole thing still makes me feel - well - weird. I’ve been sexually hexed all my life and I always will be, so I try to just accept that and the fact that nothing will change with that, and not let it get to me. If it weren’t Tom’s fear of cumming, it’d be somebody else’s wanting sex every other minute. If it weren’t their wanting sex every other minute, it’d be someone who couldn’t even get excited, and so on and so forth. I’ve had premature shooting dicks, peanut-size dicks with cum that smelled like bleach so bad it was nauseating, women that smothered me with sex every other minute, etc. So why not add the cumless guy to the picture, huh? If there had been another guy after Tom he would’ve been impudent, or if there’d been another woman she’d have been frigid. After that would’ve been some sick twist wanting me to beat them with whips and chains while I ran around the bedroom chanting how bad they were. Anyway, I’ll just go through the predictable motions in bed tonight, make him happy, give him what he wants, the way he wants it, and get it over with. At least I get my way out of bed most of the time.

Tom dumped the shit tank and rinsed out the tanks in the trailer yesterday. He said that while he was out there, it became apparent that next door had some kind of car or house problem. All I could hear from my office was an engine revving, but I couldn’t hear them talking to each other like he said he could hear from outside. That’s one hell of an insulated house we’ve got! Also, being more than a few feet away from each other helps, too. Everything that went on over there would’ve been heard loud and clear as if we were a part of it, had it been next to the Phoenix house.

That cock that took us on a tour of the factory was wrong when he told us the “marriage line,” where the two halves peak, is 108” high. That’d be 9’, and I knew it was higher than that. Sure enough, in the papers with all the warranties, info, etc., is a layout saying it’s 114” which is 10’ high. That looks more like it. The lowest point is 7’.

Later...

Yesterday I stuck to the Slim-Fast diet like glue, making sure not to go over 1000 calories. Due to doing this, I woke up a couple of pounds lighter. However, I haven’t been able to shit today, so any amount of dieting I do will be a waste, cuz not shitting will just set my weight back to where it was. How can I get my body to diet and still shit?! Why does my body rebel against dieting?