Sure enough, “No one” completely ignored my request that she not contact me again and sent me her usual complisults. She might not have received it, but chances are she’s simply ignoring it just like she’s ignoring the fact that just because I may have things to complain about doesn’t mean I don’t see the good I’ve got going for me. Maybe she just doesn’t want to see it any more than the fact that I really don’t care to hear from her. I haven’t responded to her message. Hopefully, she’ll think – or at least wonder – if I bothered to pick it up since I said I wouldn’t read anything from her.

I don’t know why she feels so compelled to get me to “see” that I complain. Does she think it’s her duty or something?

“you seem to love to wallow in the bad as opposed to the good that does happen, as you’ve said yourself.”

I never said that. I never said I “love” to wallow in bad things; I said I wasn’t afraid to address the bad in my life.

“Finding balance is hard when you’re slipping off the edge. Hope you get some sleep.”

What edge?

"You really are whimsical with words. I think that’s why I’ve continued to read, even though your pessimistic outlook grates on me like nails on a chalkboard…and if nothing else, I’ve at least made you aware of just how much you complain. Look. I know most of us end up with shitty deals in the card game of life. I know you, especially, have dealt with some crazy ass shit in your life. However, focusing on it, feeding it, nurturing it with your attention is just a surefire way to keep it hanging around. It’s like throwing emotional chum in the ocean of life and expecting the shark of shit to NOT come swimmin’ on by. I’m sorry if my words were harsh or sharp. I simply wanted to point out that despite your wonderful husband, beautiful big new home, and a thriving imagination (which is really the secret to a great life), you seem to love to wallow in the bad as opposed to the good that does happen, as you’ve said yourself. I obviously don’t expect your entries to be 100% fluff and bullshit sunshine, but it frustrates me that you can’t see the good all around you, and that you spend so much of you creative energy complaining about mundane, everyday, we-all-deal-with-this-shit stuff. Sorry. Didn’t mean to ramble. I just wanted to clarify a bit. And really, I’m glad you’re paying more attention to the negativity you put forth. Finding balance is hard when you’re slipping off the edge. Hope you get some sleep."

Heard from my textbook stalker again, too. The one that once sent me text they copied from a psych book on sociopaths and narcissistic behavior. It’s from the book Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Dr. Robert D. Hare,
Ph.D.

In between a numbered list of behavioral traits are notes this doctor has supposedly added, but I believe the sender edited some of it, like with this next paragraph.

"In addition to the above two lists of traits, the biggest trait (or magic trick as I like to call it) that makes narcissistic sociopaths so dangerous and effective is their ability to go unnoticed by the rest of us or society. They can do this, because they are good at pretending (lying) and wearing many,many masks (again, lying). Simply put, they lie to themselves and everyone else. They lie so much that some of them are convinced of their own lies, and even try to live them out, which is where evil is born."

The start of this paragraph may be the doctor’s words, but “many,many masks?” And without a space between the words many? It’s also hard to believe a doctor would use the words, “which is where evil is born.”

At the end is a section that says, "This type of person will tell you things to get you to forgive them and then say they never said that. While they are really still secretly carrying on one of their hidden manipulations, because they know they have this secret hidden hatred towards you. This is a tactic to play mind games with their victims."

This too, doesn’t sound like the words of a doctor. But who could it be??? I’m totally stumped on this one and I realize it could be anyone. ANYONE. I thought of sharing it with Alison, and then I quickly stopped myself. I just can’t always know who’s really friend, foe or random joker, even if I sure think I do. Even if there’s only half a percent chance someone close to me is behind it, that half a percent is still there. Looming over my head like a storm cloud. And so this too, will be kept private.

It came in at 12:30 am my time. Andy was up at this time because I’d just run into him on Facebook. Maliheh’s known to be up that late, but 3:30 am may be a bit late for Kim.

If the sender did add in the thing about the trying to get people to forgive them while having a secret hidden hatred, why? Who would customize such a thing? The only ones I’ve asked to forgive me in the past were Andy and Maliheh. Kim the nurse, sort of, but I received the first copy of this before I friended her. Would Andy or Maliheh think I did/do secretly hate them? Maliheh may just say that cuz I dumped her in the end (though technically she dumped me first), but if this is Andy’s work, then wow, his trust issues run deeper than I realized. I don’t think it is, though.

I still wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if it were connected to Kim, Molly or Kathy, but again, I realize it could be anyone – Dorene, Maliheh, Andy, Alison, the sickos in Arizona, Adonis, etc.

The message was sent from SociopathsCanNeverLetThingsGo@ndContinueToReliveEverythingAsPartOfManipulationFactors.com

So it is someone I’ve mentioned in either present or past entries that doesn’t like being mentioned? Clearly, this is someone harboring a lot of hatred for me. I just can’t believe this is a random joker. No, it’s someone with a grudge against me. Mary? But I didn’t try to get her to forgive me for anything because I never did anything wrong to her.

If it’s someone who’s sick in the head like Kim or Molly, then there’s no rationalizing or making sense of their words. In their minds, they could really believe I tried to get them to forgive me for something. It doesn’t seem like anything the trolls would take the time to copy and paste, but I wouldn’t put it past Kathy or someone connected to Molly. Really wish I’d saved the first “textbook” message so I could compare the two.

Also, what am I “reliving” and what am I trying to “manipulate?” Every time I think I’ve found a reason why a certain person may’ve sent it to me, I find a reason to think they didn’t. I can’t believe Dorene would read my diary, but this is something she would send. Also, if the sender added anything in, they write fairly well.

The person clearly thinks I can’t let things go and am out to play mind games. I haven’t mentioned Kathy and haven’t been contacted that I know of by her and her people in a while, so it doesn’t make sense that it’s her as much as it does.

The black bitch wouldn’t want to leave a trail from her computer to any accounts I use, of course, but I don’t doubt for a minute she’d get her friends after me. That’s what she did in Arizona with the notes and calls. Well, I’ve certainly been posting shit about my days of her tormenting me, but if the part about forgiving was truly added, she’s the last person I ever tried to seek forgiveness from because I’m about as innocent of any wrongdoing to her as my rats are. I also haven’t contacted her in nearly two years, so no one can say I’m trying to fuck with her in any way.

I suppose that in time if I keep refusing to mention them or give them a reaction in any way, they’ll either get sick of me or they’ll get more determined to get my attention, even if it may mean identifying themselves.