Another day of good energy. I’ve been on a roll with not being tired for over 2 weeks now for the first time in months. I’m not sure why I have spells where I’m exhausted and then I do well. I just know I like having energy.

Enough to go bike riding. It was still a bit warm at 90° just like when we went out walking yesterday around the same time, but fun. Everything was perfect in that no one was parked too close to the speed bumps when we were coming downhill and there were no dog walkers in our way.

His HR made it up to 103 and mine hit 131. I realize that my high HR is “tricking” Fitbit (and my thyroid). As fun as it is to use in general, it’s going to tell me I can have more calories than I really can to lose weight. I’m still pretty confident that it would take 1000 calories or less every day for almost a year to lose weight and I’m just not up for that. I wish I was, and I hate to say it, but I don’t know that I would be up for that even if I was 100 pounds overweight. I don’t need the standard 2000 calories to feel comfortable and function well, but I do need around 1400 on most days. Yesterday I indulged and had 1775. I don’t usually go over 1500-1600 but I do splurge once a week or so. I’m up 2 pounds because of it but I’ll push it back off soon enough. I always do. Carbs really do matter as much as calories, so I’m learning, and yesterday I definitely had too much sugar and carbs.

When pulling out some hay to give to the guinea pigs, I ended up getting a sliver at the base of one of my fingers. Fortunately, Tom was able to get it out using a magnifier and good tweezers.

It just hit me that I haven’t been hearing the freeway as much lately. It started to become audible and then faded back out. What sucks is that tomorrow morning is September 1st and that means the plane frenzy begins. I’ll be asleep when it starts, though, which will be shortly before or after 6. But at least we’re one month closer to getting out of here!

I wish I knew why I had so many negative dreams. It’s usually the same damn things over and over again. They usually deal with me being in some kind of captivity where I’m trapped somewhere or losing everything.

In one dream, we had to abandon everything, and I mean literally everything. Our house, our car, our devices, medications, everything. We walked off with just the clothes on our back and even left the car running.

Around this time yet in a separate dream, I saw my old Endo. Even though I tried to keep a straight face, she sensed that something was off. She asked if everything was okay and I had to force a smile and say that everything was fine.

I accidentally stumbled upon something in my 2011 journal that further suggests my New York reader is Marie. I don’t remember the circumstances. I was looking for something else and didn’t read too much about it but it had to do with her contacting me to tell me that even though I told her I didn’t want anything to do with her, she’d been reading my journal from a distance and wanted to let me know she had nothing to do with someone that was messing with me at the time which I wrote about in one particular entry. So I guess that, unlike most people, she doesn’t ignore you if you cut her out of your life. She’s just quiet about it. It would explain the lack of comments, but would she really be that active on the site? There’s no way to get email notifications when you bookmark someone. She’s got to be logged in to get her bookmarks and she’s got to spend quite a bit of time on the site too, because there have been several times I’ve posted something and she’s shown up on my visitors’ list just minutes later.

Even she showed up in my dreams, but I don’t remember what the dream was about. It’s probably because she was on my mind as I was falling asleep. I both miss her, and I don’t. I miss how understanding and open-minded she always was. Her goofy side, her sense of humor, her empathy. But then she was the one that dumped and blocked me when her accusatory and paranoid side came out and I told her I had no idea what she was talking about or trying to say.

It wasn’t the first time this strange “other” side, whatever the hell it was, emerged. I don’t know if she has an illness she was born with or if the abuse she went through made her the way she is but I’m definitely not so sure that all the psych pills she was diving into were helping. If anything, I suspect that may have been making her worse. Regardless, I do miss her. It would be hard to slam the door in her face if she magically showed up. Instead, even though it probably wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do, I would probably run into her arms. Remember, I did love her, and I guess a part of me always will. Maybe I’ll hear from her someday. She’s probably gone through a million Facebook accounts by now, so I’m sure the one we blocked each other on is long gone. Maybe it would be okay to communicate while she was “normal,” so to speak, and then pull back and take a break when that other side came out. I know she’s bipolar and those are extremely hard to deal with. The intense and frequent mood swings are like OMG! And the way they can get paranoid and accusatory can be downright scary. I’ll never forget the way Lisa showed me a side of her that I never knew existed until 2009. But she still meant a lot to me and she always will.

Finally heard from Dixie. Her computer has been broken which was what I suspected.

LOL, not surprisingly, Aly has already received half a dozen letters from Kim, mostly about June, of course. They started off as penpals before they began texting around 2008.