I know without a doubt that Aly is fucking with me on the polls but that’s okay because I can play right back in my own way. She recommended doing a follow-up poll and I decided to take her up on that suggestion. I asked those who voted “never” to my journals if they did so because they’re just a random voter who voted randomly, they’re afraid of what I may say about them, or they just like to be different.

Sure enough, shortly after I put up this poll, the first two got one vote each. I would be willing to bet just about anything that Aly voted from her two Twitter accounts which is all she seems to have right now that I know of. There is a possibility that Molly’s lurking and has been doing a great job of not letting me know it, but if she was that curious about my tweets, I would think she’d be reading my journal as well yet Texas doesn’t show up on my list very often.

I put up a new poll asking if I was ugly, average or attractive and I would be willing to bet it was Aly who voted “average.”

I agree. I was above average in my youth (something that had its advantages and disadvantages) and later evolved into an ordinary, average-looking middle-aged woman.

Another poll asks if you’re against, okay with, or have no opinion about the possibility of ICE forcing hysterectomies on some illegals and immigrants and I would also be willing to bet it was Aly who voted it to be wrong.

Don’t know if it’s fake news or not but if ICE is really forcing hysterectomies on illegals and immigrants, I totally commend them. How many times have they come over here, popped kids they knew damn well they couldn’t afford, and then forced our tax dollars to have to foot the bill? Many of the people in Mexico and its surrounding Latin countries breed like rabbits and we don’t need to be responsible and to have our system burdened even more. I think that ICE sterilizing them is helping to control the population as well as saving money in the end. There are enough kids born into poverty be it because the parents are lazy or trapped in a situation beyond their control and others don’t need to deal with it for them.

Lastly, I asked if my writing ability was poor, fair, good or average. I got a vote for good and one for poor.

If it was someone who has really read my journals or stories and really thinks I’m a poor writer, I would love to know why they think that. :-) It may help me improve my writing even more.

I’ll be going to the lab on October 5th at 3:30. Unfortunately, I’m not going to get the good numbers I was hoping to get because I skipped my meds altogether yesterday. It’s unlikely I’m going to be in the single digits. On top of that, I have cut waiting time a few times in the last few weeks. Definitely feel better today. Still can’t say for sure if it’s more on wacky hormones or the meds but I’m guessing the hormones. My day started off with some lightheadedness, but I was fine afterward.

As expected, the garbage and green waste trucks woke me up, but I went right back to sleep and woke up feeling rested enough. I’m surprised the planes haven’t been bad late at night. I just hear the occasional buzz of small planes or helicopters that I always hear at night here.

I wasn’t too happy to learn that most parks in Florida have their trash picked up twice a week. But do they make a three to four-hour ordeal of it? Would the trucks get as close to the bedroom window as they do here? I hope not, but either way, it would only be for a few months.

I visited Dixie as the sun was setting and it was great seeing her even though our chats usually get me down. She never has anything positive to say, but I feel bad for her because she has no one. Goes to show that having kids doesn’t mean you’ll be taken care of in the end. She hasn’t talked to her daughter in years and her son is a drunk. She can’t take care of herself (she needs hip and knee surgery) because she’s so busy taking care of Diane. She no longer has any help with her because Diane isn’t in any kind of program these days and I guess she had a falling-out with a couple that used to help out with her. She says she hates her life and feels like she’s alive but not living. Again, I feel terrible for her and I dread the day Tom and I get to the point where we’re struggling in the way she is. I try to take people’s advice and not worry about the future since it isn’t here yet but sometimes that’s easier said than done. I worry either way. I worry about suddenly dying before he does and leaving him alone. Then I worry about how much I may suffer from whatever kills me and if there’s a possible afterlife that’s a hell of a lot worse than my worst of times on Earth. Then I worry about him suddenly dying first and being faced with having to end my life. I would have no choice but to do so even if I wouldn’t be as horribly depressed and lonely as I know I would be by the loss of him. No matter how much money we had, I’m simply not one who can just live on her own. Things were different when I had my own apartment in the 80s. I was young, relatively healthy, and yeah, things were different. They were a lot less complex in many ways. But now, it would be very difficult for me to be able to take care of myself. Especially since we wouldn’t live anywhere where there was a bus stop right outside the door. So I worry about having to end it all and possibly botching it up and also hope that those that say you go to hell for killing yourself simply say that as a deterrent.

Dixie is grateful for the fact that she has money and hopes to stay out of a nursing home because of it even though money can only go so far and get you so much. I can’t imagine ever being in a nursing home! Especially with my kind of sleep disorder. An assisted living apartment, I can kind of see, but a nursing home? No fucking way! I hate to think of Tom in one of those places as I know that many of its workers can be impatient and abusive and care a hell of a lot more about their paychecks than the patients.

Kind of sad to know that the only way to get instant housing, food and medical care, even if those last two may be a joke, is to commit a crime and end up in jail or prison.

Anyway, I don’t want to get in a funk by dwelling on “what ifs” too much, and again, the future isn’t here yet. For now, 95% of my life is great and I’m going to focus on that.

At around 8:30 yesterday evening, he and I went on the longest walk we’ve been on in quite a while around the entire perimeter of the park which is about two miles and took about 40 minutes. It was a little warm, though, at around 80°.

We went out at the same time this evening and it was a little cooler but still slightly warm for walking. I prefer it under 70 degrees. Anything under 50 and I won’t go out.

Amazingly, we saw not one single skunk on either walk.

The Maitys nail stickers arrived. There are 14 sets, half of which are dull Earth tones that are going to be covered with polish. If it wasn’t for my gorgeous, colorful set of chrome nail polish, I wouldn’t have bothered with this set since half of them are boring. I started with the lime nails. I currently have 63 sets, so they’ll last me quite a while. Tomorrow I get the index card box to store them in.

Made my own meatballs for the first time for lunch. I rolled ground beef into 1.5” balls and seasoned each one differently. Paprika wins!

For dinner, I also made a roasted chicken thigh over jasmine rice with the same veggie medley I used over the previous night’s tilapia, only I threw in a couple of small potatoes since the green beans were going bad.