I almost have my schedule back on days now. I got up at 1 AM and forgot to set the VCR before I went to bed.

I spoke briefly to Andy yesterday who got his letter. He told me he was very depressed that day so my letter made his day. I tried calling earlier but there was no answer. I guess he ended up working or fell asleep.

I also haven’t heard from Fran who may have tried to call me last night. I did ask Fran last Sat. night if he got my letter. I mean, I asked if he got a letter. I bullshitted him by saying how I’ve noticed that every time I get a letter, so does he. He said no but I think he’s just saying that as Andy got my letter last Fri. It couldn’t have gotten to Arizona quicker than it got to Springfield. I explained to Fran how I was sure “our letters” were from Tracy along with others connected with Tracy.

Mom and Dad should have gotten their letter by now.

Yesterday I called Tammy and explained to her how I’m going nuts here. I also explained the case more in detail as well as expressed my fears. Meanwhile, she told me to keep my chin up and not to let them win. She said she’ll call my lawyer to question how long all this is gonna take. Also, about filing suit. Last Friday I tried calling the lawyer about the lawsuit, the search warrant, and also to tell her about Northampton court on Oct. 24th. I couldn’t get a hold of her as she was in and out.

Last Saturday I got really scared for a while. I was sitting in the stairwell when all of a sudden this really bad vibe came over me. I went up and looked out my living room window and saw a cruiser in the parking lot. I ran to lock all my doors thinking, “Oh no. They’re gonna harass me about the lawsuit.” But then I wondered how they could know about it unless my lawyer said something.

Then the phone rang, and it was Carol telling me that the butchy detective from Amherst who sounds like Laurie H was at the station. Carol said she couldn’t get in the building and that she and the detective only wanted just to talk to me, but I refused. I told Carol that no way was anyone gonna manipulate me again and she was to go through my attorney. I told her my attorney instructed me not to speak to the police. Then I came right out with it and said, “Actually, I’m glad you called as I do know now that the search warrant was illegally obtained and that charges are going to be filed.” I also told her I was filing suit on slander, defamation of character, manipulation, invasion of privacy and involving others in the case who do not belong. She said she’d pass the message along and that the search warrant was legally obtained, through the courts and signed by a judge. I told her that that was not what I was told. Maybe she assumes it was legally obtained and doesn’t know the truth. Chief B can do one thing and tell Carol or anyone else a different story.

After all that, I called downstairs and asked Jennifer if the police were there. She said yes, and then I asked for Peter. He wasn’t there so I asked her to get a pen and write down what I was about to say. I told her all about the suit and that if the cops come in, to pay no attention to them and have them leave. I told her they need to go through my attorney and that it’s illegal for them to disrupt the business or harass them to get through to me.

So, I told my sister how I was so nervous that they’d get spiteful that I refused to talk to them and was contemplating sleeping in my closet. She said not to let my thoughts drive me nuts, hang in there and draw the girls some pictures. She said I had a lot of talent there and draw some for the girls for their rooms. I haven’t done that yet, but I did draw one of Gloria which I am not too impressed with.

I almost long to be holed up in some safehouse till I can be rescued and brought to CT. Only I don’t know if I’m safe here.