I’m getting on an overnight schedule again, but that’s the least of my worries and a joke compared to what’s been going on. Thank fucking God I didn’t have to go to court this Thursday as originally planned. For the Greenfield case, I won’t need to go until Nov. 15th. For Northampton, I’ll need to be in court on December 19th. In the meantime, Tammy and my lawyer spoke. They’re determined to try to get this dropped and Tammy explained how she wants me to move there and why. Tammy also told “Tracy” how pissed off she was about what happened at the Northampton Crisis Center and about Maliheh calling me.

Before I get into Maliheh and Northampton, the call from Tracy was about the dates among other things. I was told by Tracy that she’d spoken with the DA and is gonna try to get the police report, get my stuff back, and also check into the legality of the search warrant. I’m not a lawyer so I can’t possibly write all that was discussed but it was all quite positive.

Tammy feels the same way as I do. Yes, I made a prank call. Yes, Maliheh deserved it and called me, too. No, the taping will not hold up in court. I have the right to do as I please in the privacy of my own home. Also, Tammy says, “She made the calls to the company in the middle of the night. No one was there. She left edits on their machine so it’s petty bullshit and nonsense that they’re flipping out over.” Naturally, both Tracy and I agree.

There’s my present situation to consider, too. I’ve also decided to counter-file on Maliheh as well as Jenny. Even if Maliheh did not call me, the point is why is it that I always have to pay when both Maliheh and Jenny have fucked me over, too? From now on when people take me to court that have screwed me over, be it legally or not, they’re going through the mud and the hassle, stress and wasted time, too. I can see if I’ve called someone I’ve never met in my life who are total strangers like this company. However, the company got no threats and only got wacky shit on their machine.

Jenny’s gotten her warning, too. I called and her machine came on and I said, “I’ll see YOU in court. In Greenfield.” That little fuck has done shit to me just as well. Andy’s sending her a letter anyway. You know, the usual stuff. Lyrics and things that make absolutely no sense. Jenny’s letter from Andy and her subpoena will be sent to her parent’s house in W. Springfield as that’s the only address known to me. Jenny’s gonna flip when the little fuck sees it’s from Phoenix. If she suspects me, I don’t give a shit and I hope she does. Maybe twice a year, I’ll send her a note.

Maliheh would’ve gotten letters eons ago, but I never could get her address. I’ll let the courts do that. For the subpoena anyway.

I’m gonna go listen to some tunes and then I’ll write about Northampton crisis center and boy, do I realize more and more how lucky I was about that. My sister wasn’t too thrilled when I told her about that. With them, I mean.

I was supposed to go to court the day after that on the 24th. I went on the 25th, though. The night of the 24th was when I got 3 calls from an associate of Maliheh’s. Then on the 25th, when I was in court, I saw Detective M. Yup. Major butch. Not big and fat like Tracy K, but the sporty type. Thin athletic type butch you’d see playing tennis or soccer. Anyway, I’ll write more about it later.

Later...

Now, about the night of October 23rd. Well, I flipped. I totally lost it. Between court, being so isolated here and all the other issues that have been pissing me off for ages, I just lost it. I never cut myself but I was thinking about it. I was thinking about the last time I cut myself and one minute I’d beat myself up in my mind about it, the next I’d try to tell myself it happened and what was done was done and there was no way to undo what was done. Try to move on. I guess it’s just not always easy to block out unwanted thoughts. It sounds so easy saying, “Don’t think about it.” Well, it’s not. At times I feel as if there’s no escape from the present as well as the past. All I could remember was Tammy telling me how she indirectly blames me for my calls and how she blames Mom and Dad 100%. Tammy told Mom all about what’s going on and warned her immediately how she didn’t want to hear, “I told you. She has a problem.” Or anything about it other than her moving me down there. To CT, of course. Tammy said Ma was “amazingly calm” and just took it all in and hopefully I’ll be moving on January 1st. Besides having only two more months of isolation, no family or buses, there’s the financial part of it, too. This way, hopefully, I’ll only have two more months of struggling and I’ll only have to pay my electric and heat bill even though fuel assistance will be helping me. The phone will be free.