I got up at midnight and I would’ve had my schedule changed two weeks ago if it weren’t for the fuckface upstairs. He’s really pissing me off more and more and I’m sure the issue once again comes down to sex. I’ve had a few nice talks with Robert but he walks like an elephant, and after living in Norwich, I cannot deal with anyone living above me. That’s one reason I wanted the second floor. The other is that you have a zillion times more privacy. Now that it’s cooled off a bit I want to sleep with my windows open at night and shut the AC off and conserve. I always envied Andy who’s about to do that and have privacy with no people walking right by your windows.

The last reason is cuz I’m sick of Mark next door. I went off on him last week and gave him every piece of my mind. His attitude sucks and he hates everyone so you can only imagine how much he hates himself.

I moved in here too fast cuz I wanted to hurry up and get into my own place and Andy and I thought studios rarely were vacant.

So now here’s the good news and the solution to the problem. I called cousin Boo and explained the situation to her telling her I’d never ask for money ordinarily and to please keep it our secret (though I doubt she will). Mom and Dad have helped enough and they send $50 monthly. She said she knew the move was rough, would be delighted to help, it was our secret and my b-day gift. The check should soon be here and I am ever so grateful for her help.

I went to the office and spoke to Judy, and I’m moving to Building 1 directly behind Andy! It’s apartment #247, and Oct. 2nd is when the move will take place. I’ve spoken to Tony, that really nice black guy, as well as the guy who’s gonna be below me in 147 and they will hopefully help with the move.

I told Judy not to mention the $95 transfer fee to my parents. I also called them and I told them I was in the office and overheard a woman say she wants the first floor and offered to swap with her.

Kara was over last week too, and her brother told me he’d help me move for free. However, Kara says he’s in Michigan where they’re from.

Fay’s moving into a trailer, and her brother, who also lives here and is helping her. Maybe he can help me as well. There’s not too much heavy stuff but there will be 10,000 trips. With asthma, it would be cool to get all the help I can. Only those willing to help as a favor cuz I have no money to pay them. Except for the bed, table and microwave I can pretty much handle it all on my own. I’ll load stuff in boxes, empty them there and go back and forth loading and unloading boxes. It’d be great to get a shopping cart.

Later...

I’ve written to family and friends and I’ve got to get more stamps. I got a package from my parents. Dad claims that all they have left is my old guitar but where are the rest of my pictures? They sent my typewriter, twin sheets, a twin blanket, my papers (legal papers), my albums, my tools and two awesome outfits. I was shocked and couldn’t believe they sent me something so stylish and non-baggy. I got a beautiful, tight, short black dress with silver studs around the neck and colored glass beads on the upper front part of it. Also, a tie-dye pair of pants with matching tops and they all fit perfectly. I do have to keep pulling up the pants but at least they’re not baggy. They’re all sizes small and my stomach is flatter since I used that cream down below. The infection had been bloating me out.

I got a short quick letter from Tammy as I wrote before along with $50 since she sold my couch.

Andy gave me 22 blank tapes he no longer wants. Now I have about 78 blanks!

I went grocery shopping the other day. A guy who lives in building 2 took me, saying anytime I need a ride and see his truck there to let him know.

I always thought male neighbors were better as they tend to complain less about loud music, but luckily I’ll have two female neighbors and a male below me. There are 4 apartments on each side and on Andy’s side there are two other gay men. Andy asked, “Is building 1 the gay building, or what?” There’ll be a woman next to me and another under her. Under me, there’ll be a guy named Jeff. I spoke to him at the pool and he said if he’s home he’ll help me move stuff. He said he has no problem with my music and I hope whoever she is next to me doesn’t mind. I told Jeff I appreciate the help but cannot talk to my neighbors. He asked if it was due to a boyfriend and I said no I’m not into that and he said we’ll talk sometime. I’m just gonna level with him and tell him I’m not available to him for sex and I choose not to know my neighbors as I want no problems. He does seem like a fairly decent guy, though. Then again, don’t they always?

I can’t wait to move.

Two nights ago, believe it or not, Andy wanted to go to the bar. I thought he felt like I do. I thought he was sick of the games. I know in my mind I can’t get what I want and in this day and age I’ve come to accept it and I’ve stopped fighting a losing battle. I go in there and either get what I don’t want or nowhere. The few that were fairly attractive could’ve cared less about me and the few I exchange numbers with never call. If I call them (if they’ve given me the correct number) they act like they don’t know me and brush me off. You get tired of the same old pattern. He was also upset cuz I’ve been asleep when he’s up. I thought he wouldn’t mind as he chewed me out for coming over every day when I first came here. It just so happens that when he’s free, I’m asleep. When I’m up, he’s asleep. I wish he were still a night person and he did say he was getting sick of getting up so early. I knew he’d miss being a night person.

He said he may want to go to the bars tomorrow night or the next night, and I’ll be asleep. Coincidence? Nope. God’s trying to reinforce the fact that it isn’t meant to be. I could hang out in gay bars every single night and it wouldn’t get me anywhere.

Next, I’ll write about Ray and this girl Melissa I met at the pool. Now I’m gonna make a bagel.

Later...

Well, Robert stomped and slammed his way off to school. Payback is gonna be a real bitch but not till I move so he can’t retaliate. All he could do is come to my door or tell me to knock it off if I see him at the pool. I doubt he’d come to my door and he’d never call the cops any more than I knew Mark would when he received that very threatening and sexual letter. It scared him, though. He told me if I saw the guy to call the cops and that he’s gonna get a gun. I don’t know if he really got a gun or not.

I hope I have a peephole in my door cuz I ain’t answering my door without knowing who it is first.

When I made some pranks on Robert while Andy was back east, he laughed about it at the pool. The things I’ll say over the phone won’t be threatening, but they’ll be very blunt, sarcastic and very weird. Perhaps sexual too, as I know he’d love that. He’s lucky cousin Boo’s helping me with the transfer fee as I’d surely have to round up a few people to set him straight if I had to stay here. Why do I always keep ending up in the same situation? I just moved from this even though his noise isn’t an eighth of what I put up with in Norwich. It isn’t so much the stuff he does, it’s his fucking stomping. He doesn’t know how to walk and he has no common courtesy. I also plan on visiting him at 1:00-2:00 in the morning when I know he’s asleep. I wish I had that long crank I had to open my skylights with in Deadfield.

I hope I hear from Kim soon so I can mail her tapes out to her. She said she’d send lots of stamps. I also want to try and see if she’ll help with the phone installation. Connecticut’s sending a letter of good credit but I don’t know if it’ll be accepted since I was only there for 4 months. I’d just as well find a way to pay for the installation so I can avoid the same hassle and waiting game I went through with the food stamps. If they don’t waive the $170 deposit, fine. In case of an emergency, I don’t like not having a phone. I can also leave messages for Andy while he’s asleep or at work, rather than leave him notes.

I wrote about a letter I wrote to Debbie a month or so ago. Non-threatening and non-sexual. It’s my constitutional right which they can’t prove. I also was told to deny anything, especially shit they can’t prove without a lawyer. Several lawyers have told me this.

Ray called to tell me he was denying my case. Over that? The whole situation is so stupid and my dad told me not to worry.

Oh, I’m not, believe me.

I laid out by the pool yesterday and got a little color back. I’m gonna lie out today, too.

Maybe I’ll see Melissa who’s so nice and pretty. I’ll write about her later.

Later...

Melissa’s a really nice girl I met with a body that makes mine look sick. She’s 5’ 4” with medium-length, thin, straight blond hair and a perfect figure. Her face is slightly plain but more pretty than plain. She has nice eyes and a pretty smile.

When I told her I was gay she said she admired my openness and knew many gay people including her boyfriend’s brother. She also wonders if her female roommate has tendencies.

She also told me, even though she’s addicted to her boyfriend, she thought I was very attractive. She showed me a book she was reading called addictive relationships. She says she’s too clingy, dependent and jealous when it comes to her boyfriend. It amazes me that they’ve been together for over a year.

I told her I was always alone cuz I’m not attracted to gay women and they’re not attracted to me.

We talked about lots of things and she said she gets badgered by guys and that women avoid her. Then, as I was about to tell her how well I can relate to that, she said she can see me getting the same thing.

I know I’ll never get her, but I’m used to wanting the ones I can’t have and she’s good as a friend at least. I hope.

Later I’ll write the good news I have about SS. Isn’t it shocking and amazing to actually have any good news about them? For now, I’m gonna lay down and veg out and enjoy Robert’s absence. Believe it or not, this guy’s home more than I was back east. He hasn’t worked since I have been here and he’s only out at school from 7 AM - 10:30 AM. I wish he were never home and always away traveling.

Later...

I called SS last Fri. to find out how much they plan to take from my check. She said they usually take 10%. I asked how much of a cut that’d be from $426. She said about $42. I said that’s crazy and she said she’d call to tell them to take only $5 a month. She asked me if I got SSI and I said I thought I didn’t qualify for that here in Arizona. She made the call and said I do get SSI, but haven’t gotten it cuz that’s how they’re collecting the bullshit overpayment. In 10 months I should have my SSI check back and she says they’re not gonna touch my SS check. Well, I sure hope she’s right cuz so many times one person will say one thing while another will say something totally different.