Today as I was doing my laundry (yesterday) I saw an ad. The ad said, “We need to get out of our lease and will pay $250 cash.” I called and met this girl Kathy. No, she was no butch. She was feminine, kind of pretty and with a guy. They got caught with 2 cats so they’re moving. It was a small 1-bedroom which is bigger than I thought. We went to the office and spoke to Paula and Judy. Judy said cuz I just began my job they may need Mom and Dad to co-sign. Then I thought about it and decided to wait till my lease is up here and get something bigger and even better. Plus, I just only began to get my act together, even though I plan on keeping it that way. I can’t be bothered at this moment with moving, what with the dancing and other stuff going on, too. I need to help Tammy, too.

About two weeks ago I met this really cool guy at work. He’s pretty wealthy too and owns a few businesses. He gives me lots of tips and he’d rather talk with me than have me dance for him which is cool with me. He has a connection with Capitol Records in L.A. Some guy he knows there to which he sent a tape I made. Who knows about that, but right now I have the biggest, best and most promising news ever. I think I got my foot in the door for sure. This is not the younger and naïve Jodi saying this. This is the Jodi of today who did all her homework along with John. John and I both talked to this guy named Joe who says he managed Civil Defense and Society Slaves under the name Mercury. He’s bi and his band’s all gay guys who he’d send into Entertainer’s Inc. to back me musically on a free demo. He told me to call an Al F Chicago where their main studios are. He said they only have one of their studios here, but if Al couldn’t book me here in PHX, he’d fly me and John free to Chicago. I asked why he would do all this for me. He told John and me, “I have nothing to gain, but my name on her record as she has talent and I believe she can go a long way. It’ll boost the company up, too.”

So John did some homework and called this guy in Chicago. This guy’s for real! He’s 100% legit! So, I spoke with John and Joe. Joe also spoke to Al and Al’s gonna call me. Joe feels this can all be done in a week or two.

Desperado Linda called last night and two nights ago. She called while Kara was here. This woman scares the shit out of me. I’m following my gut. No way! She’s just like a man.

I am gonna go listen to music soon and maybe watch some shows I taped.

Later...

So, it’s been 5 years and 3 months since I began all my journals.

I slept way too late today even though I surely needed to. I got up at 3:00 so it’ll be hard to sleep before 7:00 and UPS is coming today. I’m sure they’ll be here earlier than usual. If I only sleep 5 hours, then OK, as I had plenty of sleep.

Tomorrow, I’m gonna tell Laurie that I can’t stop her or Andy from talking, but that I refuse to discuss him when we’re together. I’ll also make damn sure I never say anything I don’t want Andy to hear. And he would hear it.

I haven’t heard from my parents since I left the message. They’re either not home, busy, can’t get ahold of me or they dumped me. If they did dump me, that’s their problem. Not everyone is just like Dureen and Art O.

Later...

I can hear that stupid little shit next door. I’m sure he’s enjoying his night off. He sure had a hell of a nerve being all sweet and lovey-dovey to my face last Friday night, while only a few hours earlier he cut me down to Kara. Kara said that if he asks her to tag along on errands, she’s not gonna just say no. She’s gonna tell why. He needs to get off the fucking pot which makes him so paranoid and go from A to Z. He brought this all on himself and I certainly need time. He can leave a million pleading messages, but I need a few weeks at least.

Later...

I am now watching Jenny Jones, a talk show. It’s all about women who like younger men.

I just realized that I can’t send that traveler’s check back as ma paid cash for it. I am sure it’s non-refundable. I’ll cash it and send it to Tammy along with other money in a money order.

I just sent Nervous a letter and tomorrow Kim returns from Florida. She’ll have 3 shocking, surprising, yet great letters. All with fantastic news as well as funny stuff.

Aside from helping Tammy with financial matters and going shopping, I’ll find out exactly how much I must pay to have my blocks lifted since I haven’t been here a year. I’ll probably have to pay over $100. Maybe around $150, but that’s no problem. Damn! That feels so weird saying that and it probably will for a while. I’ll owe fuckface phone bill money, too.

I still have not heard from Bob, so I have no idea what he’s up to or where he is.

I think Rachel moved back to Oregon or Alaska. Oh well.

I’ll first see if Kara can tape Gloria from the radio special before I ask Laurie.

Later...

Unfortunately, I am not one bit tired. I surely won’t end up with much sleep, but I’m gonna bust my ass at work and work my ass off (excuse the pun). Why? More money, of course, unless it’s as dead as Sunday was, even though I doubt it’ll be. It’ll also knock me out sooner when I get home.

I’ll need Laurie to bring me to and from work as John’s off. I spoke to John earlier and told him about my arrangement with Laurie.

I know Laurie sincerely needs help but is Andy trying to get us to be friends so he can come between us? Probably. However, Laurie is not going to be my “friend.” I’m paying her to drive me to help me out while I help her out.

When Linda called earlier I went a little funny on her. Kara and I were laughing our asses off. Linda was too, but I still have a bad feeling about her. Whenever she calls I’ll just read this journal pretty damn out of order. She asked why I hung up on her Monday night. Of course, I didn’t hang up on her, I told her to call me back as I had other stuff going on. She then asked if the other stuff was more important than her. Yes, I told her. I think she was half serious and half playing with me, but either way that’s pretty pushy, desperate and persistent. She also told me she refuses to give up on me. Perhaps this can be a really fun game after all. This is what I was gonna do if I ever got calls from those gay bars.

This girl is either sweet, gentle and sincere or a rough crazy brute. I just don’t know if she’s desperate in the right way or in the wrong way. We all take risks and chances, but I’d rather not on this girl. I’ll just keep playing with her which sure is fun. She keeps calling me “girl” too when I have a name.

I think I’ll send her to Building 10 across from me where I can still see her. I don’t want to send her downstairs as I couldn’t watch her without her noticing me. At Building 10, I can watch her more discreetly without being detected. She’s less likely to notice me or hear me laugh my ass off.

I’ve met and heard of other gay and violent women, but I’ve never been wanted by a woman who literally scared the shit out of me. I’m terrified to death of this girl. She makes me think of a violent butch (even with the touch of femininity) who is in jail and beats, rapes, and dominates other women. Only 10% of me feels this girl is sounding and being pushy out of good intentions. I can picture her making love to a woman, being gentle at first, then so suddenly turning into a rough brute. Out of bed, I can see her ask a woman to cook dinner. The woman says yes. Then I can see her ask the woman to do the dishes. She says, “No, not now.” Linda then beats the shit out of her. It reminds me of the night I met her, and Rena said she looked hard-core. Gee, I wonder why?

I must go read what Tina’s old apartment number is so I can send her there. She says her car will be fixed tomorrow. I’ll bet she has a truck like Andy next door does. Women like her love trucks and jeeps.

Well, anyway, I’m off to my next (paper) journal. With work now, I did not expect to finish this journal till some time in February. I most certainly hope and pray to God that during my next journal I cut my demo. I feel that I truly will. I’ll have only one thing left to achieve since I don’t want a kid or a girlfriend. That is quitting smoking as I can’t last long with cutting down. I have to either smoke or quit. I can’t cut down and stay that way.

I’ll also ask John about cheap motels as Andy’s sister and nephew are coming at the end of February. It sucks to have to leave so he can have company, even though that’s his right. At least I can afford it.