I have some totally shocking and totally amazing news. Before I do, though, I want to back up and update a few more things I haven’t yet. The bad news is that on the 6th of this month, I had my second asthma attack and I had to go to the ER by ambulance. I ran downstairs to Steve when this happened cuz he’s a paramedic and I panicked. It’s hard to deal with things alone if you can help it. Bonnie was a big help too. I was there for 3 hours, then I took a cab home cuz I couldn’t reach Scott.

Speaking of Bonnie and Steve, well, they’re super cool people and there was always something I really liked a lot about Steve from the get-go. So, I began to wonder whether or not I should consider going back to the good old days of settling. I was realizing how so many women aren’t attracted to me and how so many of them never go further than always guaranteed to go through with a sex deal or get together or whatever you want to call it. They don’t lead you on as much and they’re the ones who are attracted to me.

But then there are a few fears of mine like AIDS and pregnancy, even though I highly doubt it, as well as trying to find a guy who can handle having only oral sex with me. Using my good judgment of character, I could pretty much sense I’d be safe with Steve and that he wouldn’t go getting carried away. So we sat down in the guardhouse one night after I’d gotten off of work and had a long and very honest talk. He’s divorced with a 2-year-old daughter which he showed me pictures of, and he’s different from most guys cuz he wants a relationship that might turn into marriage. He doesn’t just fool around.

He’s very much in love with Bonnie whom he wants to marry, but she doesn’t want to marry him.

We both mutually decided right then and there that we should never get together sexually.

I’ve had a few talks with Celeste here and there and late Sunday night she told me she’d be able to see me. She lives all the way out in Tempe which is about 45 minutes away from here, but she’s got a friend who lives right near me. This friend was to have dental work done today, which is now yesterday. Then this girl - Donna’s her name - was to drive to Celeste’s place, pick her up and bring her here. Now, of course, I was going by past experiences and I pretty much thought she was full of shit even though she really sounded like she meant it. She actually did show up! I was even attracted to her!!! She was attracted to me!!! She liked my eyes, hair, butt and even how tiny I am! And I think she’s a definite 7½ on a scale of 1-10. Her eyes and eyebrows are so much like Gloria’s, but her eyes are green. Her hair is medium brown. It’s permed and it’s shoulder-length. It’ll definitely look better when it grows longer, but at least she’s no Miss Military Diesel Butch. She’s 5‘ 6”, 130 pounds. Her body’s proportioned nicely and she dresses nicely and does her makeup well. We chatted and watched a little TV. She didn’t have too much time as she had to go catch the bus. I’m glad I finally got to see the face behind the phone for the last 3 months.

I laid it down honestly about her 2-year-old son. He can’t come here, and she understood how I feel. Why do I always get people with kids? In a way this is good and it gives me extra added peace of mind that she’s not gonna smother me. You can’t with a kid unless you live together cuz you’re tied down and you have no life. She’ll always be chasing down babysitters. She tells me that within a few months, she should have a car. I do hope so, cuz that will surely help us out with her living so far away and I have no car. I also like her living so far away.

She sure called a lot after she left and was even gonna try to see if she could get a babysitter, as she ended up missing the bus after some people picked her up here and brought her to her father’s.

She did seem clean and sober enough and intent on staying that way. Although, this isn’t a major concern for me as I don’t do relationships. She seems very nice, friendly, understanding and honest. I like her character so far and she may be passable enough to sleep with. In other words, she isn’t scary in any way. She doesn’t give me bad threatening vibes. She did say on the phone to tell her if she smothers me too much by calling a lot. This was weird as I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about that from her. She seems too much more into guys and not getting attached right now. Especially after coming out of a divorce. I hope she doesn’t end up falling more than she ever thought she could or would but I’m 99.9% sure she’ll be OK and not smother me.

She and I went to the Jacuzzi for a little while. Then we came up and watched some TV and talked. She’s really cool and she looked beautiful. She’s got so much Gloria in her. Way more than Ann Marie did.

When her brother came to get her, she kissed me (vigorously) and it was nice for a girl who isn’t so much into mushy, wet, sloppy French kissing. I’m glad I did meet her after the many many times I was gonna call it quits with her and never meet her.

A short while ago Andy and I called people with ads in the New Times looking for singers and guitar players and shit like that and played with their heads.

Later...

Since I met Scott I’ve had more and more visions of fame and fortune. When I look back a few pages at what I wrote about Bill, his private leer jet, L.A., and Capitol, it’s like - oh my God! That’s something I’d only write as a fantasy, but I wrote it for real. I meant it. It’s real. Wait till I tell my family when this actually happens. I want Scott, or someone to take pictures as this all happens, so no one thinks I’m pulling their leg. It’s all going as predicted. I knew God would have to throw me literally by a freak chance into a proper, decent, honest connection. What better person than Bill T’s nephew? I made a mistake before when I said they were cousins. Now I know more than ever that the NHA was supposed to be so bad in order to be my ticket out west. I always figured that whenever the planner above felt it was just about time, I’d somehow leave the east coast. More and more I realize how important it was for me to meet Tonya. If I didn’t dance I would still be broke and I’d never have met Scott or gotten this apartment.

Anyway, I listened to music a little while ago, but I guess I’m not quite ready yet to fall asleep. I am drowsy, though.

When I was first at Steve’s before Celeste came over, he handed me some banana nut bread on my way out the door and one of his cats ran out. They have two cats. Patches and Shadow, which seems to be a popular cat name. Patches ran out, but right before Andy called two hours ago, I heard meowing and she came in. Steve and a girl I met a few nights ago at the pool came up and trapped it. When I told Andy they came up and trapped it, he asked, “They came up in traffic?” I was cracking up.

Then a half-hour later Steve knocked. He bummed a few cigarettes and I asked if he heard me laughing. He said yes, and he and Andy said hello over the speakerphone. I told Steve what Andy thought I said and told Andy how Steve met Celeste.

“She’s fucking hot!” Steve told Andy.

Later...

In about 5 minutes I have to page Steve to pick me up for work at 7:30.

It sure was a hot 100º today and it will be tomorrow, too.

I called FL and Ma answered. She got the picture and she’s keeping it. A picture of me she actually likes - how amazing!

I called CT and spoke with Lisa for about 5 minutes.

I called Celeste as she was on her way out the door to find a job. She said she may or may not be able to stop by where I work tonight.

I left a message on Brian and Angel’s machine telling them how much I love it here and I gave them my new number. So far, management’s been really cool, but I’ll just have to wait and see. They wave and smile every time I walk by.

I forgot to mention that Celeste used to do topless dancing, too. She used the name, Jade, just like a dancer we have, but I think she quit. Actually, I think she was fired for talking too much. Celeste’s full name is Celeste Brianne K. I love the first and middle names but her last name is no better than mine.

I finally got my deposit from SRP for $107. Scott also owes me $111 for the food stamps. I wouldn’t care as he’s done so much for me, but I want to lend Andy the $150 he needs to borrow by May 4th.

I really wish Scott would hurry up and call Tammy, fix my typewriter cord, program my VCR and install my bedroom ceiling fan. I know he’s very busy, but I know I’ll be waiting months and I hate that. Besides, he gave me his word that he’d do these things.

Andy called me and said he saw “Fuck Face,” as we call Donna, at the pool. We had thought she moved. Fuck Face dumped Angel and Brian and we’re not surprised. I said she’s the type who’ll dump everyone and have a problem with everyone she meets. Andy said the way she said she dumped Angel was totally cruel and I believe it. She claims Angel was always inviting herself over for dinner so she gave Angel the cold shoulder and Angel eventually got the message. I don’t buy it, though, as I feel I know Angel well enough to say it’s not her style to do stuff like that. Then again, we all know Donna tends to over-flatter herself and she told me the day we met that she has no friends. Gee, I wonder why?

Andy said she did ask how I was. He told her where I work and that I make lots of money and moved to a beautiful 2-bedroom apartment He said he really rubbed it in, but I couldn’t care less about her opinion. Andy says he knows to basically stay away and only say hi if they meet at the pool. She’d only dump on him too, but he’s moving to Glendale on June 1st.

I pity the poor girl who’s moving into my place on May 1st. I hope she’s a day person, loves kids, and is hardly home.

Well, now I’m gonna go gather up everything I need for work. I really hope now that the major holidays and taxes are over that the money gets better.

Not too much else is going on. I got a call today from Fran telling me he just got the best letter I ever wrote. OK, that’s cool enough with me. He absolutely hates it where he is, due to tons of screaming kids which even I could hear loud and clear. It sounded just like the NHA to me. He’s gonna move again as soon as he can.

I also spoke to Nervous, but not for too long. He was just getting in the door with the letter I sent him with the tissue I wiped my crotch with.

I also called Tammy and told her all about Celeste and that Scott did go to Vegas. He’s back, though, and tomorrow he and I are gonna do mega food shopping. I need food in here badly.