I made $86 at work tonight, but the thing that pissed me off is that Scott never showed up and he hasn’t been home all day. I hope he is OK and not in the hospital. I’d die if anything happened to him, even though I’ve only known him for almost 4 months. He’s such a great person but he really pushes himself. I told him several times to slow down, but he just won’t.

To add to things, Steve’s sick and John’s not working tonight, so a guy named TJ came and got me. He also brought me home. He gave me funny vibes but he didn’t dare pull any shit on me. I’d kill him, but obviously, Steve must trust him. Steve told me to page him at 6:30 if I knew I needed a ride and if he couldn’t make it, he’d send someone else. This guy also said he also picks up other dancers regularly, so that’s cool.

I told Sasha all about Celeste and she was happy for me. Who knows when it’ll be when we see each other again, but yes, I see us winding up in bed eventually. I sure do hope so, cuz she’s beautiful and I know it’d be another year and 4 months before I got this lucky again. Celeste really does seem to like me, but I was shocked when she told me she was a romantic and to let her know if she ever smothers me. I thought people who only wanted casual sex didn’t act romantic and smother people. We did agree up front that all the two of us wanted was casual sex, so why would she then be worried about smothering me? Why would she want to go slow and get to know me and be romantic? That just does not go together very well, but I won’t jump the gun in paranoia. I will just sit back, play it cool, and see what she does.

That dancer Lacy is back after having some personal problems. Everyone says we look alike. We do, but not in the face. She’s right about my height, but she’s a little bigger than me and my hair’s longer. Pete, the DJ, was gonna have us both dance together to the song called Double Vision, but we never did. Oh well.

There were a bunch of rich Germans who came in tonight. If it weren’t for them, we would’ve all had such a shitty night. It was shitty, but it could’ve been a lot worse.

So, what the fuck happened to Scott? I hope nothing’s wrong. Especially now. It’d be shitty timing if I’m not going to L.A.

When I returned home, I went out alone quickly to the Jacuzzi. I mean alone. Usually, there’s almost always someone else out there. It seems like there are even more night people here than at the VV Then again, we all know that the VV’s not the place to be if you’re a night person. I know that for sure and so do Andy and others. This Jacuzzi is strange. Sometimes it’s really hot and other times it’s lukewarm and other times cold. It was much too cool tonight and when I got out I was freezing. The air out there right now is very dry, even though it’s warm and I have my AC on. Tomorrow it’s gonna be close to 100º once again.

I wonder if Steve’s on patrol tonight? I didn’t see him and the lights in the guardhouse are off. The door’s locked, too. I think he may have gotten it on with that girl Chris last night since Bonnie’s out of town. She must be on vacation. I haven’t seen her in the office since last week. I met Chris at the pool and she said she used to dance at Sha Na Na’s but didn’t like it. She said she gave her life to the Lord 8 months ago. Oh well. Whatever turns you on. Steve says it’s hard for him to live with Bonnie cuz of the way he feels so much for her. Maybe he didn’t do anything with Chris, cuz he never pressures or pursues sex with me.

I’m dreading the time he goes to Georgia to get his daughter Brianne for a month. I hope to hell that I’m not gonna have to declare war on my end if I’m getting woken up by lots of screaming or banging. I told them all about the butch at the VV. I also told them up front that if I’m woken up, they will be, too. I won’t know how it’ll go till the kid gets here, but I sure do hope I’m worrying over nothing. God, I can’t fucking stand kids!

Scott told me that in one of the houses he fixes, he found me a combination bookcase/desk. It’s normally used for a computer, but it’d be perfect for my typewriter. I could also put journals on their shelves. He says he can bring it here in a few days, but I know he really means a few weeks. I appreciate from the bottom of my heart all that Scott’s done for me. I just wish he wouldn’t procrastinate so much. This way I’m not all psyched up for something for so long. I hate having to be waiting and waiting.

I bought Mom’s Mother’s Day card, not that she deserves it. I haven’t sent it yet but maybe I’ll accidentally mail it a wee bit too late.

There’s this gorgeous girl at work named Christine. Sasha says she’s made sexual gestures to her. Christine has, I mean, and somewhat has to me, too. Is she just being friendly, or does she like me in that kind of way?

Well, I’m so fucking beat as I said before, so I’m gonna listen to music and then try to get some sleep. I need to try to get to the pool tomorrow to get some very much-needed color. With my luck, there’ll be 10 million screaming kids out there!

Later...

Well, so much for going to sleep. I only lay down just to wake right up again.

I really hope all’s well with Scott. Now that I live so close and have gotten to know him more and more, I’m more in tune with him. I can sense when things are going well and when they’re not. I do have a bad vibe, unfortunately. I wonder if Scott could’ve been arrested. He did say that there was a warrant out for his arrest due to this tax thing he’s been trying to clear up cuz it’s dealing with a lot of money. I hope not. I hope he gets things cleared up with the IRS soon. I also hope he’s not sick or in the hospital having a heart attack or something like that due to stress. I only know way too well just what stress can do to you.

NOTE: The journal entries between April 23rd and May 21st were lost. Therefore, I’m going to fill in the gaps as best as I can.

The only significant thing I remember during this lost month is moving to the back of the complex, away from the pool. It was a second-floor apartment, identical to the 2-bedroom I had at the front of the complex next to Tom, my future husband, unbeknownst to me at the time. It was also at the end like the other apartment was. At first, it was quieter, with a single black guy below me and a single guy next to me that was hardly ever home. Then it became very noisy when the guy next door moved and a bunch of college kids moved in. The complaints to the office by me and the people below them were useless but I would only be in this apartment for a few months, fortunately.
Current Location: Arizona