I have quite a bit of updating to do, so I’m gonna try to do it as quickly as I can cuz I have some letters to copy in.

I had a nice talk with Lisa yesterday as well as with Tammy. Tom was here when I called her and I said, “Guess what I did to Tom?”

Tammy goes, “Well, you didn’t have sex with him.”

No, but I rubbed a cotton ball all over the stubble on his face!

Tammy got the package but said 90% of the stuff no one could use.

Speaking of K.D. Lang, the other day at the pool she was amazingly calm.

Andy’s had some chats with Ellie, but I must remain quiet when on the 3-way otherwise she’ll hang up.

Dad was bitching at me over a call he got from a collection agency. I’d hung up on him for going off on me for various stupid reasons. Our credit is fucked up now for 7-10 years. For me, it doesn’t matter as I couldn’t afford a house anyway. Not with the business I’m in being so unpredictable. Plus, there are more bills and responsibilities.

Later...

I’m gonna call Andy back in 5 minutes. We called Andrea at work and next, he’s gonna call Stacey. He’ll thank her for giving him good references and I’ll edit what I can from that as well as put the other stuff on the machine there. Yesterday I recorded Tom saying the word “nothing.” I let her say, “Our goal is to provide you with,” then Tom filled it in with “nothing.”

Later...

Andy’s on the phone now talking to Ellie.

Andy briefly spoke to Stacey. It was pretty funny. At the end, Stacey said she was tied up. Andy asked if Judy untied her.

Andy’s been harassing Crystal a lot, so it turns out. I didn’t even know this. That’s Scott’s girlfriend and of course, it’ll piss him off.

Shortly after 9:00, I got a message from a detective asking me to call him but I doubt it was really a detective and I’m not calling anyone I don’t know.

Later...

In between phone calls, I’m going to write.

Keri has a copy of me in The Beat. She really liked it and she asked me for a copy. Andy said he thought about that and wondered why I don’t do anything. Well, I’m attracted to Keri and I’m pretty sure she’s attracted to me, but what can I do? People who work here aren’t allowed to mingle with tenants as far as I know. If I knew she was leaving I may speak up, but there’s nothing else I can do. Maybe if she did not work here and was single something would happen, but this is how it always is. This is why one of the reasons why more and more I realize I’m not a woman’s woman. Yes, I’m gay. That’ll never change, but I think whoever’s up there wants me with men. There’s a reason why they’re all I can get (other than butches). I was always taught that when you can’t get what you really want you should try for the next best thing.

With each day that goes by, I’m more and more comfortable and impressed with Tom. So far, the inside of him I like 100%. He’s a great person. Totally unlike your average person, let alone the average male. No lust whatsoever on the outside, but he has beautiful eyes. I won’t make any decisions overnight and he’s not pushing me in any direction either. He respects the fact that I’m not sure yet whether or not to settle. I may give it a little more time to continue seeing that I’ll never have lust, but every 1-2 years. Then, in time, perhaps he won’t be such a major settlement. He’s no Ron or even a Brenda. I feel so relaxed with him. I can totally be myself. He’s so calm and never tries to change me. He understands my fears and doubts, though, and knows I don’t want to get trapped in anything which may be hard to get out of. He knows I also believe that sex can kill a friendship. He agrees that’s true for most people, but I don’t think he believes that for us. He’s one of the very few guys I believe would never cheat on a woman, but he doesn’t want an open relationship.

I explained the DES to him and said I was too small for penetration. I asked if he could live without that. He said absolutely yes if he loved the woman, and there’s way more to sex than that.

Well, right now I don’t know what to do, but while I’m still young, I don’t want to waste my time waiting for lust to come around once a year or so. It may be time to settle, but I’ll never live with anyone, get married, or have kids.

I feel like I’ve known Tom forever, but a reality check says I’ve known him only two months. Maybe within a year, or by the end of ’93, I’ll settle. It will take time and guts. I’m not brave enough or ready yet, but I am determined to learn to settle (within reason). Never could I settle with just anyone.

Yesterday Tom and I went to the Excalibur. He waited outside. Not that he couldn’t handle me in only a G-string, cuz he’s seen me that way before, but he’s just not a bar person. He has some coworkers who go in there and his friend Wendy used to work there.

I’m gonna work Wed-Sat from 7 PM – 1 AM. I was gonna be Brandy, but someone has that name, so I’m back to Mystery.

Later...

Boy, this day’s getting better and better by the minute.

Well, true to my feelings, that guy was no detective. He left two dirty messages for Andy. They were funny, though. Before he called Andy, I sure got freaked out when there was a knock at my door. I didn’t move till I heard my door open, then, “Maintenance!” Bill changed my AC filter.

The guy that called Andy and I was associated with Crystal.

And now here’s more Keri news. I called to tell her I had several bottles of perfume to get rid of due to my allergies. I didn’t want to toss them out and she was the only one I could think of who may want them. I brought them to the office and she said, “Perfect timing.” She was very pleased and we chatted for nearly 10 minutes. She’s now promoted to manager. I said that she’d be a great friend if one of us left here. She wholeheartedly agreed. I also think she may be pregnant again, too.

She asked about work and stuff in general. She said, “Well, hopefully someone will see you in The Beat and say, we want her!”

Speaking of wild fantasies, it’d sure be nice if she called to say, “Now that I’m manager, your rent’s only $400.”

Even if we could be friends, who knows if we’d end up in bed?

Last week I spoke to Frances (Alyssa). She was bitching out her sister, but we did have a cool talk for over an hour. She did say she was bi as I figured.

Yesterday, Tom and I also went to a restaurant, got that blood work done, got my Theodur refill and got some groceries. I ran out of the Azmacort inhaler and am trying to do without it. So far, so good.

I’m making Tom a bracelet out of that flossy-like yarn as well as more edits and a few Bonnie Raitt songs he likes.

Kim left a message the other day and played me Bob’s message. He got his letter from Nick and was crying and bitching about it. Kim says maybe I can edit him, but it’s so muffled. I got a letter from him about it and I’ll mail it to Kim. Kim says she mailed me a letter, as well as one she got from Bob. I got two yesterday from Bob and guess who also wrote me? Fran! Can you believe it? Finally! He actually writes better than I thought, but he did have a few funny mistakes. I’ll soon copy it in as he wrote it.

I called Fran last night, then he called Nervo. He was in his mood and after cussing at he hung on silently for a while. Long enough to hear Tom whom I called. Tom finally got to talk to Fran. Fran also called his local crisis center where I complained about seeing cactuses and palm trees.

Later...

Shortly after I last wrote I got a call from my doctor’s office. My white blood cell count’s too high. Probably a urinary infection and my stomach’s been killing me and I’m very bloated. Tom came over, I played him the convos of Andrea and Stacey, went there, took a leak and came back. I must return to the vampire next week to see if there’s any change in my white blood cell count.

On my way up here, I met the couple who moved in next door. They said they moved in today, but I didn’t hear a thing. They’re a young couple, both good-looking, named Brian and Amanda. Amanda’s pretty good-looking. They sort of look like partiers, but I hope not. They look like the type to have lots of loud company and fights but I’ll try not to judge till I see.
Current Location: Arizona