I have begun a very major project - typing up all my journals. It’ll take time, but it’ll be fun.

Andy may call any minute, but for now, I’ll write.

Tom and I made some changes around here and I got nearly half of my stuff here.

I saw Gloria on the Whoopie Goldberg show last night. She said two things I can really relate to. One is how she has premonitions. Two is how she never thought Emilio would want her as she always thought of him as this very mature guy even though he’s only 4 years older. That’s how I feel about Tom, but he’s 9 years older than me.

If I were brave enough, I’d be thrilled to marry Tom. There’s a part of me that says, go for it! There’ll never be another Tom. And you’re mature enough to take this chance and risk and he isn’t gonna change. The other part tells me all the things that could go wrong if I married him, including the fact that he could go bad, even though I don’t see or feel that happening now.

Well, right now I do know I do love him and he loves me. For both of us, it isn’t just sexual. I hope this continues and I’m also content to just imagine myself with women. I want to act on settling with a woman less and less. Why settle on lust with a woman once a year when there is a degree of lust with Tom and a hell of a personality, that’s one of a kind and totally non-replaceable?

I told him, though, that I can’t marry him and get myself into any legal traps with no easy escape routes. However, if in 5 years or so all continues to go well, who knows?

NOTE: The journal entries between August 18th and October 22nd were lost. Therefore, I’m going to fill in the gaps as best as I can.

It was during this time that I moved out of the Crystal Creek apartment complex and into Tom’s house that his brother moved out of. I moved into the house in early September.

A large Mormon family moved in next door, along with their dog. Their kids and dog got on my nerves at times during the day, what with the houses being so close. When they’d play basketball out front, it’d sound like they may as well have been bouncing the ball off the walls of our house. It could get pretty obnoxious!

This was around the time Tom and I had our worst fight which nearly caused us to break up. It was over Kim, her boyfriend Phil, and their deaf friend Alex from back east. They came to visit. I don’t remember how many days. I think it was for 2-3 days. Kim and Phil slept on a sofa bed in the back room, and Alex slept on the living room couch. Tom was working the third shift during this time and never got to meet any of them.

Throughout most of the daytime, we were out. We went to Sedona and did a variety of things. We shopped, we ate, we went horseback riding, etc. One day we hung out back by the pool.

What set Tom off was that according to him, he couldn’t sleep. I was surprised to hear this what with how heavy a sleeper he seemed to be.

“But you sleep through the kids screaming next door when they come out to play,” I pointed out.

Then he explained to me that the mind still works when you’re asleep, and because he knew the kids would be out and about, he could tune them out and sleep through their noise.

Well, if he could do that, why couldn’t he know I had company and tune them out, too? I think it was because he was jealous and felt left out.
Current Location: Arizona