I haven’t been as consistent with my writing lately, have I? Where do I begin now? Well, with whatever comes to mind, I guess.

Very late Sunday night I was talking with Andy. He called the Springfield weather line and I called his machine so we could tape it. Sure enough, it was 0º with an expected high for the next day only in the middle teens. We were cracking up and I played the tape for Tom and Tammy after I taped it onto a regular tape. At that time it was 62º here with an expected high of 82º for the next day.

I laid out today, but not for very long at all. It only takes me about 45 minutes to start getting sun poisoning.

Next door’s been great.

Got a message from Alex the other day and a letter from Kim. She had also enclosed a “love letter” she got from Bob who I haven’t been hearing from too much.

Yesterday I finished that 1000-piece puzzle and am almost done with the 500-piece one.

I have been having to set my clock for noon so as to be able to make it to my appointment OK. It’s been hard, but I’ve been doing it.

Later...

Wow! I guess I really can tell when I’m ovulating. The book said something about slight quick cramps and higher temperatures. Also, your fluids are runnier. I thought this would normally all happen at once, but about 4-5 days ago I was “runny” for a few days. Then two days ago I had a few cramps and right now, 14 days after my period, my temperature’s 99.1.

Not surprisingly, Tom’s beat and is going to bed.

When I’m mid-cycle, he gives off just as many mixed messages about having a kid as I sometimes do, though not nearly as much as he does. I’m sure everyone does this at some point, but I can think of lots of things he’s said to indicate he does want a kid and lots of things he’s said to indicate he doesn’t. He’s told me that he likes the idea of it being 1996 and my being 30 when we have a kid. Therefore, maybe in April or May, he’ll let himself cum. He’s still “always close.” If he doesn’t cum by April or May then I’ll wonder if he really does want one, even though he says he does, or if there’s anything wrong with him. He’s said he’s cum before, so I still assume he’s holding off.

We did screw around last night and it was great. Once again I was able to cum as long as I fingered my clit.

Tomorrow evening I’ll take my temperature again to see if the higher temp lingers on and for how long.

Later...

Tom and I had a productive talk before he went to bed. We always communicate and talk, but this was different and I’m glad to be enlightened, so to speak. As smart as I am, I felt really bad and stupid for not understanding a certain thing, but Tom told me not to think I did anything wrong or bad. He said he wants a kid really bad, but to understand how pressure can make things hard for you, even if it’s all about something you want to do. I want to be more of a day person, but it can be stressful. I want to cut down on my smoking, but that can be stressful, too. He said if I just wait two months, I’ll be pregnant. I’m so so so sorry if I’ve appeared to be pressuring this man. He understands, though, that I never meant to pressure him and that’s OK to discuss something you’re interested in (despite my fears about it) like how he and I constantly gab about computers and music. I didn’t realize that this is a different kind of pressure and I’m glad I can see that now for both of our sakes. Otherwise, he and I are doing fine and getting along just great.

Tom’s hairdresser had really nice long beautiful hair. Mine’s an inch away from the crack of my ass, but she really inspired me to keep up on mine. I sat back and said to myself, hey, why are you doing this? Why are you neglecting your hair when you don’t have to worry about money and you’ve got a perfect hairdresser living right here 24/7? So, on March 1st, I’ll probably have Tom take 2” off. Then 1” every 6 weeks. I’ve been using the detangler which is very heavy. She recommended something called Ensure by Nexus and says it’s lighter and works better.