Boy, is it foggy out there. I can barely make out the nearest houses. It rained on and off all day yesterday.

I attached that scan of my hair I had made to my folk’s email as a joke. I got a reply back saying that was a cute picture, they know how those things work and are busy with business and doctors. I asked about the doctors, but who knows if I’ll get a response to that one? We’ll see.

Andy also wanted me to scan and send a picture of him to this guy he met on the meeting line. Of course, I know it’s another loser, but I’m amazed someone who’d call this thing would have a computer. So, I scanned and sent it and Andy said I could let him know if he was his type if he sends a picture back of himself.

I had a block on my email, blocking out mail from anyone who wasn’t an AOL member, but that’d mean I couldn’t get a reply from someone Andy wanted me to send mail to who wasn’t an AOL user. So, I typed in only those I selected to get an email from. A part of me wishes I never told Andy about AOL and the scanner, cuz now he’s gonna bug me to send this and that.

Yesterday turned out to be a very pleasant day. I only hope God doesn’t compensate me for it by having today be an uncool day cuz that’s how it usually works.

I did some more experimenting/learning with the graphics thing and made Tom up a calendar for this month. Every month I’ll make one up with a different border. I gave him basketballs this time.

I also made a really pretty ballerina banner that’s almost as long as I am.

The mice are so cute when they get all playful. They jump up and down and run around just like the pig and rabbit.

According to Tom, he’s seen some wild orgies and threesomes going on. He says that he doubts they’re actually screwing unless some of them are gay since one would screw one and then the one doing the screwing in the first place would get screwed. I suppose that if some humans can be attracted to the same sex, that rule could apply to animals, too, but I just hope that guy’s right and that in February all the boys will be gone and I won’t have any pregnant females. If I do, though, I’ll just bring them those batches, too.

White Feet is in the window now. The cats sit on the pool pump to keep warm. Tom forgot to turn off the pilot light after draining the pool so its flat surface is warm.

I was nervous as all hell about this, and wouldn’t have initiated sex if he didn’t, but I did get brave enough to screw with him twice yesterday. I got what I expected, and I didn’t get what I expected. I expected him to take advantage of his fears and tease me by not getting in there. He got in there, but as I did expect, he didn’t cum. He tried to tell me he did “a little” and that there was more in the way of feeling than juice. Of course, though, I know a guy can’t cum without letting out some juice, but still, it was fun and I hope his games and God’s interferences (although God did try!) can be a thing of the past. I just want to move on now. I accept I can’t have a child, am OK with it now, and am prepared to deal with it, but I don’t want Tom or God to insult me with a freaky sex life, either. Even though yesterday didn’t turn out to be Tom’s fun and games in bed, I’m still reluctant to screw today too, cuz like I said, things have a way of making up for themselves and I don’t want today to be the day that he decides not to go in there. I was shocked that I could get up, run to the bathroom to throw some KY down there for some dryness, return to bed, then resume screwing. In the past, he’d be so distracted by that, that he’d have to “clear his mind” and start all over again. He said things change and people progress, but I still see the fears/excuses. So that’s why I can go out of my way to not smoke, get a new bed, do this, do that, and it doesn’t really change things all that much, cuz the bottom line is his fear and wanting to tease. Nothing I can do can help with that. If our sex lives had started off with us using birth control, that’d be different. Then we wouldn’t have had the freaky sex nearly as much.

He says that not smoking has made a difference for the better right away, but it’s mostly a gradual thing that occurs over time. Yeah. Whatever. I don’t want no more shit. That’s all. He’s obviously never gonna come clean, so if I don’t mention a child and all that, he gladly won’t, and then this is the only way we can move on. I know the truth and that’s what counts. And also, his wants are more important to me than my wants, so even if I still really wanted a kid as bad, his not wanting one and his not wanting to go to a doctor is more important. So, I’ll try to keep the subject a closed chapter as best I can cuz I want him to be happy and as we all know, people won’t always say what’ll make them happy, cuz when someone loves you, they’re more self-conscious about what they tell you.

Later...

Except for the barking dogs that prevented me from even eating a bagel in peace in my own damn kitchen, it’s a damp, cold, dead-quiet day out there. Personally, I wish it could be like this every day till we move. Especially as long as we have the sickos for neighbors. However, I’m also sick of being cold and if they really wanted to irk me with noise, they’d find a way. So far, though, it’s been a quiet weekend. Is this cuz they assume the letter was from me and are just biding their time? Or are they assuming it’s from me and hoping to catch me doing something else? I hope that they are hoping to catch me doing something else (which they won’t do), cuz this would mean they’d have to behave. It wouldn’t look good for them to drag me into court complaining that I did whatever, all the while they’ve been harassing and bugging me with music, etc.

Well, the toys may be gone, the dog may gone, the music may be quiet at this time, and the cops may have been there, but they’re not breaking up or moving. I just know it. My gut tells me that if there’s to be a significant change of any kind over there again while we’re here, it’s not happening till around September.

Another thing we did yesterday that I forgot to mention, is that we played around more with those push molds. We used clay and plastic to mold roses, bunnies, and teddy bears.

We screwed earlier and today was a repeat of yesterday - got inside/didn’t cum. At least he’s a lot braver than he was last month. Last month he wouldn’t even stick it in there.