I called Larry, who has another cold, to wish him a happy birthday. The poor guy’s going through what I went through back there. Jen’s sick, too, but Sandy’s OK. He says they’re expecting 14” of snow and that it was a whole 23º! Wow! That’s actually pretty generous for January. But they just had their January thaw spell (a lot of people get sick now due to the temperature changes) and now it’ll refreeze itself again till spring. It’ll be close to 70º here today.

I can’t believe how much my sister and parents share with me these days. They used to tell me absolutely nothing that was going on with them and I know I said so in my first journals. My folks would talk to Tammy, but not to me. Tammy even told me how wonderful the sex is with this guy she’s seeing. She mentioned something about him measuring her Jewish nose and her measuring his Italian dick. Nobody’s dick is as big as my husband’s, and I told her so (I’m sure it’s true, too).

Mom also filled me in on her and Dad’s medical conditions, as I said earlier. I just asked her and am waiting for a reply as to why they’re waiting till the spring or summer to do something about my dad’s leg pain.

Ma said she’s been taking something called Synthroid for 8-10 years cuz of her thyroid. She said when it’s too low it can tire you down a lot and cause your hair to fall out. When it’s high, you’re overactive. And thyroids do control the metabolism which controls weight. However, some of what she said makes no sense. I’m still kind of hyper, yet my thyroid’s low and my metabolism is slow right now. I sure as hell aren’t tired a lot and my hair is not falling out either. Oh no, this hair’s still thick enough to fill in a few bald heads while leaving enough for me.

Yeah well, speaking of metabolism and weight, I’m now furious! Furious enough to do what I need to do now to finally get this fucking weight off of me. When I stepped on the scale and saw I was 125, I knew I was right when I said it’d just keep going and going and going if I don’t find a way to ward off fate. I’m tired of God and his compensations and his different standards, etc. I’m not gonna “pay” for my lungs back. Just cuz I can breathe now doesn’t mean I should have to get fat for it. So, I’m on a liquid diet. If I did it once, I can do it again. When I was 19, I didn’t eat for about 3 days. I just had liquids. It obviously did something to my thyroid/metabolism cuz I started losing weight the second day of not eating, then continued eating as I usually did, only to keep losing weight for the next year while I could resume eating as I usually did. I went from 140 something down to 100. Well, I may be 32 now and the hunger pains may be vicious, but I really think I can do this now and I’ve got to try my best. I really want to be thin again and able to wear most of my clothes again.

So I’ve basically made two personal decisions. I’m gonna lose weight and get back down around 100 lbs. And when I’m 35, I am gonna go to a doctor about my sterility. Not cuz I think something can be done to fix me or to make Tom cum more or to change God’s mind, but just cuz I want to know, out of curiosity, if I really do have a deformed uterus. I just want to know what it is that makes my plumbing not work.

I know another reason God stuck so many of other people’s kids on me and harassed me with their noise in the NHA and other places. What goes around comes around. My mom had to listen to plenty of my noise (till she’d slap me to silence), but he knew, though, that I’d never have my own kid to pay me back, so he went and used other people’s kids. That’s another sure sign of what’s meant to be and what isn’t.

Later...

God, I not only get the same stuffy nose I had when I smoked but my feet and hands still get so cold. That’s supposed to happen to smokers cuz their blood doesn’t circulate as well. Guess some of my body doesn’t realize I no longer smoke.

I had another hilarious idea as far as next door goes, but this one I’m not gonna do. Assuming they’re like most people, they wouldn’t be happy at all to see any mice in their place. I thought of dropping the male mice through their mailbox slot and into their house, but that’d be cruel to the mice. It’s still a funny thought and I bet she’d freak! He, on the other hand, is such a ditz that he probably wouldn’t even know what the fuck was happening.

I forgot to say that I don’t know how it came in yesterday. It may have come in while I was listening to music, so I can’t say for sure what went on.

I broke down and fried up two pork chops. Barely 40 minutes later, I was starving again. I’m just gonna have to tough it out, though.

Later...

I got my listening to music done and out of the way, so we’ll see how the freeloader comes in. I’d assume that if the dog isn’t back yet, it won’t be coming back at all (I hope!). That goes to prove my belief - that the dog was for me and that they never gave a shit about it. If I had a dog that I cared about that someone threatened to shoot, I’d either kill the person or get the dog in the house. They didn’t, so I think they made a deal with someone shortly after I yelled at them that July morning, to borrow the dog for a few months to harass me with it. Or they could’ve gotten it for free from some animal shelter, knowing they’d return it or dump it somewhere in the long run.

Got a letter from Bob. I dug how he said he was having trouble with a racist bitch of a guard and would like to shove his fists down her “throught.”

I got some animal cards with matching address labels from the Wildlife Federation and I also dug how they put “Phoenix Arizona, AZ” on the address.

God, how I dread this long MLK holiday weekend coming up! These assholes next door are literally MAKING me not like blacks. God, spare me, please! I’m sure his answer to that would be, yeah right! Like hell I’ll spare you their shit/noise! Let’s just say that once MLK’s Day gets here, I may not have the patience to slowly torture and toy with them. I may just want to kick their asses and get it over with.

I wish I could know for sure if they are gonna move in September. I think that if they don’t move by then, then we are stuck with them till we move unless I step up the action to drive them out of here sooner, but there’s also a huge advantage to being the first one out of here too, and I think it’s rather obvious what that is. Tom thinks we’ll be out of here in two years, but I think it’ll be 4.