Thanks to Benadryl, I backed my schedule up by 6 hours. I had gotten up at noon yesterday. Too late to make my October 5th appointment with Melanie, but too early to flip it all around by then. I also want to go out this Friday doll hunting, as planned (I have to remember to take Kleenex with me, though, because the outdoors is horrible at this time for allergies). If I hadn’t taken Benadryl last night at 9:00, I wouldn’t have crashed till around 4 AM, but with the Benadryl, I was out before midnight and I got up at 6 AM. Just in time to hear the bitch say, “Huh? No, I…” (I couldn’t hear the rest)

I don’t know why the cock bothered showing up this morning. Bill took the bitch to work/school this morning, then came back here. Then the cock came. I saw someone a couple of times walk around the back of Bill’s car, but couldn’t make out for sure who it was or what the hell they were doing. Then the cock left, leaving Bill to go about mistake-sitting, as usual. But why would the cock come by if it wasn’t needed to mistake-sit or cart its bitch to work/school?

I got a kick out of how yesterday’s horoscope said that a parent who’s aware of one’s concerns is willing to behave differently. Right! Dureen would have to die and come back as a totally different person before she behaved differently. Tom was teasing me with the atoning for my sins thing since yesterday was the Jewish New Year. I’m jokingly thinking - Dureen deary, are you asking God to forgive you for being such a selfish, hypocritical little control freak?

Later…

I’m writing longhand now in the book Mom gave me. The one I’ll take to Vegas with me with the pitiful artwork. The reason I’m using this book now is that I have the computer tied up burning away another CD. I figured what the heck? I’m sure it’ll crash at some point, even though I defragmented drive E and it’s already written 9 tracks.

I had Tom bring me in the scale since I knew my weight was up there anyway (as of yesterday I piled on pounds of water) and so I could begin another test. Tom felt I’d be less hungry if I wasn’t weighing myself daily. Well, I want to see if I remain less hungry because of the mineral pill, or if pulling the scale back out brings the hunger back.

Wow! It’s on track 11!

Anyway, the mineral pill’s been doing so well at curbing my hunger, that I’ve decided that two TV dinners a day plus a snack are too much for me. I’m gonna be cutting out one of those TV dinners.

So, what was my weight? 118 pounds. A surprise because I thought I’d be in the low 120s.

Track 12.

I know why I was so bummed out about my weight for the last year or so. It’s because I was setting unrealistic and unachievable goals for myself. Setting a goal of 100 pounds was ridiculous and totally asking to fail. I’m a nearly 33-year-old non-smoker, so to get under 110-115 pounds is a complete joke. My body can’t handle being that low in this day and age.

So, with these facts in mind, I’ve set a realistic, achievable goal weight of weighing 115-120 pounds. This is perfect for me now and something my body can feel comfortable at. It’s a natural, reasonable weight, so I can continue looking like a middle-aged woman should look.

Holy shit! It’s on track 14 and it looks like this CD may happen after all since it’s nearly done. I only have 18 tracks on this one. It’s like it has a mind of its own and it only creates a CD if it feels like it.

Track 15.

I went into the file box and browsed through the treadmill’s owner’s manual and was shocked to discover two things. One, it is not a weight-loss device, but just a fitness device. Two, all they recommend is 12-15 minutes every other day. Why not 30-60 minutes every day? What’s wrong with that? Why do they recommend a day of rest every other day? I can see a day of rest every other day from target toning or weightlifting exercises, but why from walking? And why warm up and cool down, as they recommend, just to go walking? Lastly, I do more than 12-15 minutes every other day, so if this is supposed to be a “fitness” device, then why am I so unfit?

Later…

Got lucky and the CD was a success. I’m defragging now, then will power down and restart. Should I try another one today? I have a feeling it’ll crash, but we’ll see.

Drive E is now 83% defragmented now.

No stereos today or yesterday - wow! Just the usual sales calls and their harassment campaign.

Later…

OK, I’m trying another CD. If this works, I’ll only have one more music CD I’ll want to make up, then I can decide whether or not the convos/edits are worth burning.

I’ll go get my book now and bring it back here to the back room so I can keep an eye on the computer.

Oh, first - I made up Mary a little get-well card. Well, sort of. It was one of the ones sent from Doe and Art.

OK, gonna grab me a cup of my Café Vienna and my book.

Later…

It’s utterly gorgeous out there right now. Not too cool, not too hot. Perfect weather for the mistake to hang out back and to have doors and windows open. I just heard the mistake, but fortunately, I’m not out back very often. I have no reason to be. From now on, especially since quitting smoking, I don’t go out back but to let the cat in and dump the recyclable stuff.

It’s nice not seeing White Paws for a couple of days. Not since I sprayed her with Raid. She’ll be back, though.

Tom’s gonna pick up a feeder for Blackie for when we go to Vegas. He could get his own food, but not like WP can because male cats aren’t as good hunters as female cats are. I don’t like the idea of knowing that WP is gonna help herself to this food, and maybe daddy cat and the ants (although Tom will spray for ants) but at least Blackie won’t go hungry. We’ll be putting it at the side of the house where the birds won’t find it. I hope not, anyway. If there’s anything that really annoys me about Blackie, it’s that this cat is such a whiner. Just about every single fucking time I go outside he whines and whines till I let him inside. It’s really annoying.

Tom just got up and is going to stay up for a while.

You know, I’ve counted food calories, but I’ve neglected to count my coffee calories. Not regular coffee, but the gourmet ones. I have about 8 cups a day and that’s about 500 calories right there. No wonder it’s been so easy keeping my goal weight. If I eat 900 calories worth of food and no-calorie or low-calorie beverages, that’s one thing. It’s another to have 900 calories worth of food and an additional 500 in beverages. All this time I’ve been figuring myself at consuming 900-1000 calories a day, but I’ve really been taking in around 1400-1500 calories a day.