Tuesday, September 22, 1998

This is unbelievable. I expected to remain in the high one-teens to the low 120s until I weighed myself again in mid-October. You know, like 117-122 pounds. When I woke up, though, I was noticeably thinner. Thinner than I ever have been since gaining weight, I think. My hips are down to a 35”! According to what I’ve kept track of on the calendar, my hips were 37” when I was 122 pounds and 36” when I was 117 pounds. After calculating, wouldn’t me having my hips at 35” put me at around 111 pounds? But could I really be down that low? Do I look it? I’ll have to ask Tom.

Meanwhile, I also almost buttoned up a pair of shorts that I couldn’t even come close to zipping, let alone buttoning. I could pull the material at the waist within 2” of touching and that was it. Now, I can zip them up and almost button them. If I tried hard enough, I’m sure I could button them, but not without squashing my kidneys and all that. No thanks.

Lastly, there was a really sexy bikini-like top that Andy gave me that used to belong to a friend of Michelle’s. Her friend was an exotic dancer too, and it’s a gold satin top, with black ribbon straps and black fringes hanging down to the hips. Well, I couldn’t even clasp that top around my tits when I was given this thing. I was a good inch or two away from the clasps reaching. Now - perfect fit!

Picked up five suspense movies at the video store yesterday, and Tom got a computer game in the mail that he was all psyched up about. I’ve seen three of the movies and they were great. I was afraid it’d turn out that I’d seen them before but had just forgotten, or that I wouldn’t be able to get into them.

Tom’s at our daughter’s house trying to finish up the six or so remaining hours of Mrs. Live-My-Life-For-Me’s work. I hope his back holds out during this slavery, which he hurt at work last night. Now all I have to do is hope that Mrs. Do-Everything-For-Me won’t end up worsening it.

Later…

I’m OK with never seeing Tammy again and I probably never will, but I sure miss Lisa. I really believe, though, that she’ll fly out here someday within the next few years. If not to live, then to visit.

She and Sarah are just kind of there in the looks department, but God I hope poor Becky’s looks improve for her sake. She is not only geeky and overweight, but her face reminds me of a little chipmunk. Tammy’s feelings would probably be hurt if I told her that of all three girls, I really see her in Becky. It’s so true, though. She also looks a lot like Bill’s niece Lisa who’d be in her late teens by now. She too, was a homely, heavy girl. I shouldn’t talk, though. I’m not only aging in looks, but I’m also looking like a total geek these days. I always had a geeky look to my face. Not my eyes, but in the mouth and chin area, I look really goofy. And although I’m thinner than I was last January, and although most women would probably swap bodies with me, I’m still fat.

That address label company sent me a few labels. God, I cannot believe people’s persistence! People just do not give up. They are so obsessed. There were 5 sales calls today and I’m sure there’ll be a few more. They’re right back to their old shit as far as the constant calls go. I don’t know anymore if Jenny C is tied in with some of these calls or not, but people sure are pushy.

Speaking of which, I just got an “unavailable” call and the guy asked for David S. Yeah, we still even get mail for him at times. Anyway, I told the guy to fuck off and he said, “Yes ma’am.” Well, we’ll see if this makes him all the more determined to call or not.

Anyway, the labels are seasonal and pretty boring for the most part.

Tom didn’t go to our daughter’s house today because his back hurt too much. He said he should be able to get around to it tomorrow. If he goes there and ends up getting more hurt, I’ll personally kill this woman myself! God, I wish this family didn’t live locally! I love Arizona and want to stay here, but sometimes I think California or Nevada would be nice. Then all these users wouldn’t bother him so much. Hell, I can’t believe Wendy doesn’t call anymore. Haven’t heard from her in months.

Tom’s dad was really big on people not taking advantage of others. He turned his brother away who was a homeless drunk and came to the house one day years ago. Tom said he never saw him that mad. Well, I always believed that if someone was a negative influence in your life, you should get rid of them whether they’re related or not. People need to have self-respect and look out for themselves.

Tom taught me the class he’s gonna be teaching to about 10 people tonight, so he could practice how he’d go about it. It’s that thing they taught him in Vegas about handling change and how the “ending phase” brings on feelings of denial, anger, shock, fear, and frustration. (I’d add depression) And the “neutral zone” brings on feelings of anxiety, chaos, confusion, uncertainty, and miscommunication. The “new beginning” brings on feelings of enthusiasm, anxiety, energy, hope, impatience, creativity, acceptance, and skepticism. Not all people get all these emotions, but some do, and it deals with how to deal with them best.

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