M202

I’m back by myself in 2. Espi, of all people, moved me. The reason I was surprised Espi moved me (after Mary told me Charlotte went home and not to D2 for a few days) was that she said the last time that she doesn’t move people, period. Maybe it’s because I stuck up for her the last time she was here when Myra and Peaches were ganging up on her for not shipping me to A Tower for saying shit they didn’t want to hear. Or maybe she feels comfortable with me being alone. We made a deal, though. If any loony tunes come in, I have to return to 4. No prob. I’d just get out of there again. Although I prefer 3, 2 is better than the big tank.

After I got settled in, Espi asked me how my new condo was, and I was like – ha, ha. I asked her how her straw house was going, and she said things were going as planned. Good for her, I told her. Like we should have, she’s doing all the work herself. She and her husband.

I told her I had 46 days left and she said I had 51 the last time she worked.

Yeah, something like that.

Anyway, it was on my hour out that I cleaned the cell and rolled down here. The only negative is Myra’s mouth, but my radio takes care of that.

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What the fuck is it with these DOs? Are they snobbing me because of the grand article or what?

Johnson started off as her usual friendly self last night. Towards the end of the night, Silvia, who had gone out to make a call, informed me that 2 was empty. So, after the nurse and commissary had come and gone, I asked her if I could roll down to 2 if Charlotte wasn’t coming back, then the redheaded bitch goes, “You can’t have that room! You’re staying here!” Then she slammed the door in my face, and I was like – fuck you too, bitch!

Johnson’s never snapped at me like that or been that rude to me before, and I swear, if she ever yells at me again, I’ll yell right back, and believe me, I can yell a lot louder than she can! We’ll see how she likes getting screamed at by someone half her size and she ain’t getting shit from me after I leave! I’m not writing her at all. I hate her fucking guts now and I don’t ever want to see her again because the sight of her makes me want to puke as it is and I don’t know what the fuck I ever saw in this snobby, schizophrenic bitch in the first place! Guess I know how to pick ‘em, don’t I? I’m so fucking pissed at her and I’ll never talk to her again.

Here’s another person that’s really damn lucky I’m not telekinetic. I’d fucking take her fucking handcuffs and cuff her to that fucking fence-like thing on the top tier, then I’d make all her clothes disappear so she’d be cuffed there stark naked!

Tom said not to take it personally and that it may’ve had nothing to do with me. This was right after she cheered me up and got me laughing, saying that the animals needed me after I said I should’ve killed myself 6 months ago. Even so, it’s kind of scary when someone suddenly flips on you like that. She just suddenly up and lost her mind. She had about 3 walks left when she came unglued, and each time she walked by she didn’t even have the guts to look at me and I was like – what’s the matter, tough girl? Can’t even look at me?

Well, I don’t know who the hell pissed on your dinner last night, Officer Johnson, but you can go to hell!

Now Kahn, who hasn’t been here for about 6 weeks, is being a rude mother-fucking bitch. I wanted to kick her in the ass so fucking hard when she was in front of me that she’d have flipped in the air at least 5 times before she hit the floor!

Talk about this place having its pros and Kahns!

Anyway, this bucked-toothed asshole had me wait by M’s door for an escort while she sat on her ass in the tower picking her nose, then after a few minutes, I told her no one was coming for me.

“You just gotta wait for them,” Snotball says.

So, back to the door I went. Hann was across the way in L. When she stepped out into the hall to await someone’s arrival, she smiled at me and said something I couldn’t make out.

You mean someone’s actually in a good mood around here? That’s pretty astonishing!

Then some trustee went by and said, “Pretty hair.”

She wouldn’t have been so bad herself if she’d had some teeth.

So, I waited and I waited and I waited. Then I finally went to the tower again and Kahn screamed at me, “Just wait!”

Since I can’t take the wad of gum the bitch always chews and stuff it up her nose, I’m going to grieve that bitch! And I’m going to hype things up too, just like the media does. Yes, they really taught me well!

Back to the door I stomped. I was fuming! Just totally furious. If she had said one more word to me I’d have busted into that tower somehow and splattered her across the monitors, door releases and light switches!

After a few minutes, without a word, she came to the door and asked Controls to open it. They did and I bolted out of there before I could act on my murderous fantasies.

I fucking hate every single one of these fucking DOs!

I discussed the latest happenings with Tom, who still insists everything will be fine when I leave.

He said he’d coach me on what to say to the PO I have to report to the day after I get out. He said I shouldn’t be confrontational and that I shouldn’t openly disagree with the things she says, even if I do.

But how can I not? How can I not disagree with something either impossible, inappropriate, or both?

Then he said something about me simply saying I’d do my best, and then getting lost in the shuffle since they see so many people.

Lost in the shuffle? Lost in the shuffle?! In whose dreams? Quit being so damn naïve, I told him! As I’ve said before, something wants me to suffer on account of these freeloaders. It’s not going to let me get “lost in the shuffle.”

I just hope Tom knows what he’s talking about because I’d hate to end up wishing I handled the PO differently, just like I ended up wishing I’d handled the freeloader differently.

He said he didn’t want to control me by seeming too bossy, but what a joke. Being controlled is all I’ve known since the day I was unfortunate enough to be born into this sorry world.

On my way back from visitation, I saw Becky. I wondered what had happened to her. She’s in J dorm. She asked how I was through the window as I breezed by. I told her I had 46 days left and she gave me a thumbs up.

Kahn stayed in the tower as I returned, never uttering the slightest apology for her rudeness. The second I walked into the cell, I knew she’d been in here. That witch Charlotte had covered the vent by stabbing a spoon through a Styrofoam dinner tray cover and into the grill. There was a hair stuck to it too, and with my precision to detail and impeccable memory, I knew it had been tampered with because it was pulled out slightly and the hair was in a different position. I asked Mary if Kahn had been in here and she said, “I don’t know. I was asleep. I don’t know nothing.”

Then Peaches quickly added, “We were all asleep.”

Bullshit. That’s such bull-fucking-shit! They made it so obvious just by the way they said it, too. Why are they so afraid of Kahn?

Nonetheless, I’m not surprised Kahn was in here. Not that I have anything to hide, but she was so pissed off I’ll bet she was just dying to find something she could hang me on. I’m surprised she didn’t plant something in here, but I checked the cell thoroughly to make sure she didn’t. I’m sure she was just spot-checking, being the nosy bitch she is.

There was a letter in here from Tom. I’m surprised she let me have it, too. He said he didn’t know how to tell by the location code he’d call in for which cell I was in. I was in 4 at the time. The code is 1M242. I don’t know what the 1 is for. The M is probably M Dorm, the 2 is probably pod 200, the 4 is probably the cell, and the last 2 are probably the 2nd floor.

He told me all about the plants and future plans for a garden and fences. He talks about weeding the plants, but he hates weeding. At least he can’t get cited for it out here if he slacks off on it.

I laughed at how he said he hasn’t been bitten by the rats in weeks, but not because they don’t want to bite him but because he’s been careful.

His work hours seem to have gotten a bit erratic. He said he might have to go in to do some training because of a new procedure.

He got the list of things to get and do and says it should be no big deal from what he can see and that he can do most of it that week.

He says he’ll probably bomb and will be washing everything that week. I’ll be washing a lot, too. Like the spare pet toys that get bombed. Probably some of my clothes that have been sitting around forever, too.

He closed by saying his letter would be short because I was the only good writer in the family. That’s sweet of him, but his letters aren’t that short and he is a good writer. I’m amazed at all the letters I’ve gotten from him!

Two nights ago we had chicken, last night we had the usual, and when I heard Myra say it was red slop, I thought – forget it! I refused dinner when Kahn opened the door. She said, “Not even the pudding, grapefruit, anything?”

Just the sight of her alone killed my appetite.