It’s so nice to take a day off every now and then and just nap, relax, and not do much of anything, especially when I’m tired. My head still feels a little funny like when you have a cold and I’m not sure if my good ear is blocked or if I suddenly lost some hearing. I can’t be that deaf, though. I can hear traffic on the freeway and the air cleaner running.

As I was lying around vegging out, I was thinking back to my childhood. The TV shows I was into during the 70s, the disco music that was a big thing, the places I went, teachers, classmates, friends, family, etc. When I think back to that person who lived that life it just seems like a whole ‘nother person from a whole ‘nother life. My life is so very different now. I’m so different. And fortunately, almost no one that was in my life then is still in it.

I wouldn’t trade this life to return to that life for anything. The only things I miss from those days are my false sense of security, the way I lived more in the moment and didn’t worry so much about the future, some things being new and exciting, and believing that adults really knew it all. Being naïve enough to believe that as long as I exercised basic common sense, nothing could ever hurt me because all I needed to do was run to an adult, abusive or not, and they would have all the answers and could fix anything.

But what about being naïve as an adult? Is that really a good thing? I’ve heard some people say that they were going to give their lives and all their problems over to God. Even if there was a God, isn’t that a cop-out in a sense? Obviously, we can’t have everything we want in life, but shouldn’t our lives, at least for the most part, be up to us? Also, while circumstances beyond our control may arise from time to time, shouldn’t it be our responsibility to deal with them as best we can? Giving up to an entity that may not exist just doesn’t seem smart.

Neither is it to say that if God leads us to it He’ll get us through it. I read a horrifying article several years ago about two teenage girls on their way to school. One morning they decided to take a shortcut through the woods because they were late. There they met with three or four guys that raped and murdered them. My point? God led them to it but He did not get them through it.

I get that many people have the fierce need to believe certain things and will often tell themselves whatever as a way of getting through life, but I think we should be the ones in the driver’s seat of our lives whenever possible, and keep in mind none of us are invincible. We’re all going to be given more than we can handle one day and we’re all going to die. For some of us, this may happen much sooner than we expect it to.

I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t have all the answers and I’m more of a seeing-is-believing type of person. I doubt I would believe in psychics if I hadn’t had numerous dream premonitions along with a few other things. And maybe I would believe in ghosts if I actually saw one. I would prefer not to, though, as I would think that would be a little freaky, maybe even scary. Just because I can’t see it, though, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, which I get. I just think some things aren’t as likely as a lot of people think they are.

One thing is for sure and that’s that I would never have believed that tapping could help with anxiety. Seeing how effective EFT has been for me and countless others, I decided to see if there was anything for suppressing hunger and found this a reflexology vid on it. I can’t say that it stamps out hunger completely, but it definitely seems to dull it and take the edge off it.

Last night I dreamed that a character in some of my books that sort of resembles Nane and is a US Marshal hunted down a teenage girl that escaped from not a jail but some kind of school or someplace she didn’t want to be. It was snowing and the girl was hiding in the mountains. Just as “Nane” found the teenager, Nane shot a wolf that was creeping up behind her.

Then I dreamed I had to do another six months in jail for I don’t know what. It occurred to me that between that sentence and the one in Arizona, I would lose an entire year with Tom. This thought saddened me as I was being walked by a table at which a few detention officers sat. One of them was speaking to someone with a Bostonian accent. I asked the plump blonde woman if she was from Massachusetts and she said yes. Then I was given a coffeemaker at some point and decided to behave so I could have extras like that.

The next few dreams are vague bits and pieces… temporarily placing a couple of objects on a thick bush in front of the house across from the house I grew up in when it was dark out. Racing toward the end of the dead-end and then back to retrieve the stuff from the bush hoping that no one spotted me through the sides of their shades in which I could see light seeping out.

Finding a snake in the snow-covered backyard of that childhood house. The snake was stock-still and so I “tested” it to be sure it was really a snake by throwing snow at it. Afraid it would get into the house after I verified it was indeed a snake.

Receiving a message from a concerned woman saying I was so “lesbian lonely” and being irritated because I knew they were trying to push me away from Tom and out to find the woman I was never meant to have and wouldn’t want at this point.

Getting a ride home from one of the gorgeous Italian guards that escorted Amanda Knox to and from jail.

Searching for a new belt and wanting to wear a hot pink one but realizing my white one went better with my outfit.