Enjoying the early morning peace and quiet before it’s lost to traffic and landscaping.

Decided to take a day off from going out running due to a little pain in my knee. I have enough other things to do anyway.

I also decided I would see Dr. C by myself tomorrow. With nothing out of the ordinary going on right now I don’t feel the need for Tom to go in as extra support, which he understands. It’s usually only when something new is going on or I’m extremely wound up that I like to take him along with me.

Hopefully, we can talk about the last few years and what got me to see her in the first place rather than what happened 20-30 years ago because I don’t feel the past is relevant to a case of hormonal nightmares brought on by perimenopause and adjusting my thyroid medication. She should have some history on file from Dr. L anyway.

If I could know that this was truly it and that the perimenopause was over along with the extreme anxiety that went with it, then I wouldn’t feel the need for any more lorazepam. But I can’t possibly know that and I’m afraid to get my hopes up and jump the gun. Fate has teased me enough with that in the past where I thought it was over just to find out a few months later that it wasn’t. Common sense, however, says that given the length of time I’ve suffered on and off, I should definitely be nearing the finish line if I haven’t crossed it yet. If I can stay calm until September, then I’ll feel more confident about the torture being over because that will make it over six months. It’s been just over four months since I saw Stacey. I don’t miss her as much as I thought I would, but she played an important role in this and I’ll definitely never forget her.

My only real concern right now is what my TSH score is going to be. If it’s up, then the anxiety I had a few months ago might have been more connected to that than my doctor realizes, which might mean I could suffer on and off for the rest of my life every time my TSH slipped down. I’m not really sure how that works and if it’s common to fluctuate a few points up-and-down regularly, or if it settles in on the same number so long as the thyroid doesn’t die anymore. The medication should prevent further death of the gland as well as enlargement. I really hope to hell I’m no more than one point up or down if I’m not the same because then I’ll feel more confident that it was the peri.

So much for thinking I had another hour before the peace was destroyed because that loud car just left. They haven’t lowered the price of the house yet either. It’s never going to sell at that price. I don’t understand why the realtor hasn’t talked some sense into them. It’s going to take a year or more to get these fuckers out of here.

Anyway, I’ll see Dr. C tomorrow while we bomb the place’s spiders, probably ask for one more bottle of lorazepam (the bottle I have has lasted since July 9 and I still have almost 20 left), then hit the labs in early June. Then I’ll see Dr. A a week later and hopefully, that will be it until my September dentist appointment, though I will contact the GYN at the end of my steroid treatment and see what she wants me to do next. I’m hoping a follow-up won’t be necessary. I’m definitely opting out of surgery, though. Quality, not quantity. That’s what I’m all about. I’ll take a good quality 30 more years before I take a not-so-good quality 40 more years.

If all goes well I should be cut down to just six appointments a year between Dr. A, ENT, eye doc, and dentist!

Had some dream about meeting Goldie H and Jim R in a restaurant somewhere.