So last night we threw the new mattress on top of the soundproofing material we inserted between the base of the frame and sure enough, I noticed that it’s not quite the same as I remembered it to be. It felt firmer. I either got used to the foam mattress I’ve been using or it changed just like the shades changed. We ordered the same exact blackout shades only to find that they’re light filtering and have holes in them of all things. Well, the mattress looked exactly as I remembered it to look but it’s obviously not made the same anymore. Plus they added over $100 to the price. So I’m keeping the foam mattress we got when we moved in. That’s more money wasted too, since he could’ve used a much cheaper mattress since he’s nowhere near as picky as I am.

Although I’ll never know for sure if it’s a coincidence or not, I’ve always wondered if I’ve been both sleep-cursed and noise-cursed.

Last night I slept so horribly that I’m surprised I have any energy today. First I woke up too cold so I raised the temperature a degree. But then I was hot flashing so I dropped it back down. Then I had to get back up again which is a pain in the ass so low to the ground since this mattress is only 10” because my ear hurt and I needed ibuprofen. Then I had to get up and pee. Then I had to get up for Benadryl because I was so frustrated that I wasn’t sure I could fall back asleep without it and a kiddy melatonin.

I wanted to scream. Literally. I feel like we’ve wasted so much time and money no matter how much Tom likes building things and that I should have just left things alone. I was just starting to adapt and now I feel like I’ve gone and made things worse for myself. I should have let myself adapt to what I could adapt to and just allowed myself to be woken up by whatever is going to wake me up. I don’t know why I bother trying to achieve what I’m simply not meant to have. But yeah, things are going to be harder on me now because I have to make sure I don’t bonk my head on one of the support bars of the frame when I get up and then deal with whatever we decide on for a door. I know it’s gonna be a pain in the ass when I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

I’m hoping I can get used to whatever concoction we come up with. He’s going to set it up in a way that it’s optional. So when I don’t have appointments and they’re not landscaping and the storms lessen, maybe I can do without at least one of the side panels so I can get in and out easier. We are getting a 6” platform so that’ll help.

I turned the ceiling fan up to medium from low to circulate the air better until the fan is installed in the “doghouse.” I just wish I could be fucking normal for once! Why can’t I sleep at night every night and not be such a light sleeper? Why can’t I sleep with my own damn husband?

And why am I still so cursed with noise? No, not traffic, projects, or landscaping but the same damn constant stream of planes. As I’ve mentioned before, I noticed that as soon as I happened to leave Citrus Heights, I didn’t see many planes on the plane site. I asked Carolyn if there were fewer playing since we left and she said yes, except for the ones fighting fires. She said they even got some rain which helped.

Yet here, I’ve noticed that for the last few days, the planes are even worse. This is the time they would usually get worse at the other place. Can’t even go 10 minutes without hearing something and I can’t help but wonder…is this shit going to follow me wherever I live for the rest of my life? It’s just one after another night and day! Again, why bother complaining to companies that simply don’t give a shit about who they put out.

Well, I hope the residents of this town don’t mind all the planes because as long as I’m here, they’ll be here as well. They’ll be waiting for me wherever I move to and increase in frequency after I get there while decreasing here.

So yeah, I think there’s a damn good chance I could be cursed in both the sleep and noise departments.