I got a little lazy last night so I never wrote. By 2:00 or 3:00 late last night I fell asleep. I woke up at 11:00 this morning and went grocery shopping with Kim a little later.

Right now, it is absolutely beautiful. It was horrible earlier. Too hot. My central AC took care of that though. The breeze in here is amazing. Funny how I freaked out over the breeze in my last place which is nothing compared to this. This is like my parent’s tropical island in Florida and it’s not polluted. It’s not a once-in-a-while breeze either. It’s every day and night.

Now, two more things before I get down to business. When Steve and I spoke the other night, I mentioned Kim and Mark moving out and getting a house this summer. I’ve already told him about the apartment and the town. Steve told me to talk to Peter M and I did. He sounded pleased about it. If Steve didn’t get in next door, he could afford to get a house or something else nearby. He despises Springfield too, and we miss each other.

The other thing is Tony, who I met roller skating with Kim. He was interested in me especially cuz I was shorter than him and he’s not more than 2 or 3 inches taller. He called and I told him, “I know Kim already spoke to you about my being gay and I have no problem with being friends as long as you understand that. But, I’ll make a deal and that is if I meet anyone who’s looking and who’s my height, I’ll let you know. Also, let me know if you meet any women who’re not butchy and drug-free.”

He agreed. The funny thing about it is last night I saw a vision of him calling me about someone and today he did. But guess what? I’ve really had it with second best and you know that’s all I’ll get. I’ve also had it with relationships and everything that goes along with them and I just need to be alone. I feel I’m better off, as I said before and that I’d rather fantasize about first best before I settle again and feel that great void. Realizing I was better off alone and saying, “Is this all I’m ever gonna get?” Also, she’s not into blind dates, which is understandable, so he said for me to go to one of their AA meetings.

If I speak to her, as Tony gave me her number, I’ll have to tell her no as I have no car. If she came to pick me up here, that’d still be a blind date. I would like to be friends if it’s a mutual possibility. I called and left my number with some girl who answered.

I guess Tony’s known her for quite a while and it’s funny how earlier I was thinking of all the people I’ve slept with or that wanted me that I said no to and most of them had one thing in common. They were ex-alkies. I really know how to attract ex and current alkies and a few good dope heads, don’t I? Why do half the people I meet have to be members of AA?! Well, anyway, no more stress, arguments or compromises. No more of my getting smothered by desperadoes or geeky shy wimps. No more sleeping with people I don’t feel “the spark” with and no more being dumped by the “decent” people I’m no good for.