A lot has been going on since I last wrote and it’s not too good. I am at the doctor’s as I write, nervous as all hell. I really don’t like this guy. Not cuz he is a guy, but cuz he seems insensitive and rough. Some men and women are rough while others seem gentler. I refused a pap smear figuring my discharges are hopeless. I’ll never get rid of them.

Everything was going great until the day before yesterday. The problem is with Stacey, the apartment manager. Also with Ellie and April, as I mentioned before, turned out to be a joke. That’s my fault, though, for getting involved in the first place and exchanging phone numbers with her. I set my own self up for something I knew would happen. The day she didn’t show up for her appointment, Andy called her. She seemed friendly and she said she forgot about her appointment, then said to hang on, but she really hung up. Some people just love to play games.

Kara came over yesterday and we had a nice visit.

The only friendships that I believe will last are with Kara, Tara, Tonya, Randy, Dennis and his mom. That’s enough friends and better than nothing, but I’ll get into all the bad news later.

The only other good news is about the Phoenix Day School for the Deaf. Remember I said I wrote a letter to them for someone to sign with? Well, a 38-year-old woman named Jane called through the Arizona Relay last night. She lives very close by and we will probably get together next week.

Later I’ll write about Stacey and other people’s shit.

Dennis and his mom drove me here. I’ll call Dennis when I’m through here. It’ll no doubt be a while.

Later...

What is it with that fucking doctor? My appointment was at 2:15 and by 4:00 I got sick of waiting. They said it’s like that every day, but then why do they go and schedule so many people? I was told Wednesdays were the busiest, so pick any other day. So much for that. I’ll reschedule one of these days.

The nurse was very nice and commented on my journal. I told her I’d been doing it for 5 years. She said, “Well, you inspired me. I’m gonna get into it.”

Why didn’t I dump Ellie when I last said I would? If I’m not gonna get the better class of people why do I settle on the assholes? I mean, I don’t compared to years ago, but I’m mad at myself as well as at her. Mad at her for fucking me over and mad at myself for taking her back as a friend and asking for trouble.

She and I both left funny messages on each other’s machines. She knew I could handle her calls to me and it seemed like she could handle it too, but I guess not. She changed her number, which is one thing, but to go to the office about it is another while she’s calling me being friendly and all lovey-dovey.

After I write the shit about Stacey, I’ll write about what I did to Ellie to try to get her to stay off my back, my phone, and out of my life. And Andy’s, too.

Later...

I just ran to the office to buy stamps and give my rent check which cannot be cashed till the 3rd.

I mailed my phone bill and can you believe it was $105.11! That’s with the installation and the monthly charge. Then there’s tax like you wouldn’t believe.

Judy was in the office and she was very friendly. She and Paula are nice. Stacey is the bitch and I’m not alone in that opinion. I’ve heard several others complain about Stacey. She’s just another person who’s got a good job with good pay with a mask on. The mask says, “I’m stable and better than everyone else. Especially those on SS.” Remove the mask and there’s a very insecure person having a bad day or bad time in life who’s got to take it out on others. She’s got to judge others who she doesn’t even know. Real stable, huh? But this doesn’t mean I’m gonna settle for the Ellie’s of the world either.

I moved off the patio to my table where it’s easier to write. It’s getting dark, too.

I’m listening to one of my new CDs. I had given Tammy my CD by Neil Diamond so I replaced it.

Someone’s making popcorn. Good idea.