Andy didn’t come over, but we chatted on the phone. We called Marla, but she wasn’t there. We chatted with Evan for a while.

I began doing something I haven’t done in years. Reading. I’m reading a book called Basic Instinct. It was a big movie a couple of years ago. I haven’t seen it yet, but I’d like to eventually. The last time I was into reading was when I was living on Oswego St. in Springfield, so we’re talking late 1987 to early 1988 was when I got sick of it.

Andy said that for the laughs of it, he took pictures of our old apartment buildings in Springfield, his old place on Belmont Ave., and my last place there on Woodside Terrace.

Later…

Up till I was in my early 20s, I couldn’t write sloppy if I tried. Now it seems I couldn’t write neatly if I tried. I know I should really work on printing more often.

I just realized something funny, yet true. When I came the last time he and I came, I asked him what it felt like. He said he didn’t feel anything. I thought most guys could feel a woman cum when he’s inside her and he’s said, “It feels really good,” in the past. He probably said that cuz I said and insisted that I couldn’t feel or see any evidence of when he said he came. He said, “Stuff did come out. I know it was on me. Maybe the KY jelly has something to do with it.”

Yeah, maybe the KY jelly did affect it. Who knows?

Yesterday I didn’t fall asleep till 4:30 or so and I set my alarm for 11 AM. At 11:45, I finally dragged myself out of bed. Hopefully tonight I can go to bed an hour earlier and get up an hour earlier. Why am I doing this? For two reasons. So I can do stuff with Tom this weekend, and in case I ever need to if there’s ever a baby. I know that that’s both a very premature and ridiculous idea when there never is going to be a baby, but oh well. A good chunk of the time, I’m still grateful there isn’t so we can have our lives.

If there’s one thing I definitely need to work on, it’s living my life for how it is now. Not for how it more than probably won’t be. I must not spend too much time preparing for the future so as not to miss out on the present. Regardless of whether or not I’m planning “accurately” in the future. No, I have no regrets about all the men (and women) whose offers of sex or relationships I turned down. In doing so, I spared myself 5,000 truckloads of misery and feelings of loss of pride and respect. Also feelings of boredom, settlement and non-fulfillment. If I had accepted what was available to me, think of all the more experience I’d have. From what Tom’s expressed, though, he’s glad I haven’t had tons of experience cuz everybody’s different. True. The only way I would’ve been a slut and loved every second of it would’ve been if reality was filled with lots of gorgeous gay fems, also wanting other fems. It’s so funny when I look back on it now and talk about it now. It’s amazing how I and my life have changed so much.

Anyway, what’s going on in current events? Japan just got rocked by a massive earthquake and there are over 3,000 people dead.

A father beat his 6-week-old son to death. Get this, though. The guy was said to have been desperate for a family and even paid a surrogate mother 30 grand to have the kid.

God’s a real winner if He’s truly “controlling” things, as I believe he is. The more fucked up you are, the more you’ll be “chosen” to have a child. Life may not be fair and we may be “too good” to qualify for having a kid, but I am forever grateful and thankful for the wonderful things I do have and the freedom to enjoy them. Yes, I truly can’t imagine my life without being able to write, sing, work on the computer, etc. and sleep during the day like I do a lot.

David and his friend came and got the motorcycle today before I got up.

I sat outside today and it was blissfully quiet. This was probably only cuz it was cool out. Did I get any color on my perfectly white face? Of course not. Plus, I was only out there to read a couple of chapters of the book I’m reading.

This weekend Tom says we may discuss us sharing this bedroom, but I don’t know, cuz I don’t know if he’s that anxious. I love the idea of him moving into my room for several reasons but I’m also like – no way! After I take a break I’ll get into the reasons why even though I’m sure I’ve probably gone through all this before.