Maintaining the same weight of approx. 116-119 pounds is a piece of cake. What with how I get stuck here and there and watery before my period, I can count on being set back from 116 pounds to 119 pounds. Yesterday I woke up at 116 pounds, but by the end of the day, I was 119 pounds because I didn’t shit that day. I’m also due for my period today, so even though I finally shit today, I’m still at about 118 pounds because I’m pretty watered down. I hope my period isn’t too late. I don’t want to take any more water pills this month because if I do, my period will be too half-assed. I want to let it do its job fully and clean me out of water, etc.

I know God would never do this to me, since he’s always made sure not to give me any more than I could handle, but it’s ironic how just yesterday I was saying, “Watch. Now that I stopped wanting a kid, God will give me one.” Tom was talking about how maybe when we move and aren’t in such a need for me to do all I can to ensure I sleep, we’ll be able to sleep together. I know that’s just a dream, though. God would never let me be normal enough to sleep with my husband, so thank God he loves me and wants to be with me forever anyway.

Nonetheless, that’s what started our discussion about the weird way things work out. Even though my logical side knows God would never stick me with a kid, there’s always that fear in the back of my mind. What if he makes my plumbing normal? God can do anything. What if we just happen to hit the odds and hit it right? God can make sure one of his sperm and one of my eggs meet no matter when we screw. So, I guess that until I hit menopause, these fears will always be lurking deep within my subconscious, but still, most women would envy me. They’d kill to have their own little built-in birth control system that they could depend on more so than any human-made birth control device.

Lisa called this morning, and thankfully, she didn’t cut herself again. She was upset over some boy in school taking the easy way out, as most people do. This boy can’t handle her problems and basically only wants to stick around when she’s all smiles. When she has problems, that’s a whole different story. So I reminded her that if someone can’t accept her as she is, through her good times and her bad times, then they’re not worth it. I told her also, that I understand that these things hurt at her age (till she gets used to it) and that her feelings are normal. The poor girl feels anything but normal now. My heart really goes out to her.

Later…

God’s doing what he does best - breaking the car so that Tom has to do yet another round of car work. God’s favorite pastime, I’ll tell you!

The silver Caddy, which I think is really a Chrysler New Yorker (I’m so bad with cars) just pulled in and dropped the bitch off, and I also saw a car parked on the street. It looked like it could’ve been that dark blue car. I think that’s the cock’s roommate.

Our insurance doesn’t cover the new allergy pills I’m taking (Claritin). It fucking figures, huh? So, we went and picked up several samples at the doctor’s office.

I would get into my little trip to the dentist, but I’m kind of wiped out now and just want to read, so I’ll get into it tomorrow.