I talked to Tom about my discussion with Tammy and Lisa and was very happy to hear that taking in Lisa if it came down to that, would be no problem.

I asked him if he felt that Lisa was a typical teenager and if a parent could hype things up for whatever reason, or if he thought Lisa may be worse off in any way as far as the behavior goes. He says he’d guess Lisa’s pretty typical, but that doesn’t mean Tammy’s not as frustrated as she is. Meaning, yes, Tammy’s put up with a lot. We also can’t thoroughly know just how things are from 3000 miles away.

Tom was surprised that you’re an adult at 16 there. You can drop out of school at that age, though and that was Tom’s biggest concern about Lisa. If she doesn’t finish school, she’s gonna really be lowering her options as to what she can do. She should really try to do well in school so she could maybe get some scholarship money if she wanted to go to college. Guess she’s gotta be the one to decide if she wants to drop out, stay in and do bad, stay in and do good.

Also, as Tom pointed out, Lisa’s a person and she’s gonna become an adult and do as she pleases whether or not we agree with her and we can’t always protect her. True. And constantly telling her not to call Larry may not have been a very cool idea, cuz as Tom said, sometimes telling a child not to do something more than once, can spark their curiosity all the more.

When I told him how Tammy gives her chores to help with Lisa’s self-esteem, Tom said that Lisa may not see it that way. She may see it as a punishment.

Yes, I know and understand the lack of self-esteem. Not just cuz of the shit Dureen put me through, but just God’s not allowing me to do the things I once wanted to do, makes me feel like he had no confidence in me and that sort of lowered my self-esteem. I’m very glad he sterilized me. It was the right thing to do to someone who could never handle a kid, but it’s still rubbing in the reality of my weakness and this lowers my self-esteem.

If Lisa came out here, I would want as little to do with Bill as legally possible and there’d be no way shape or form that that man could ever step foot in this house. Oh, and Tom says he feels that if Larry, Dureen or Art knew that Lisa lived with us, they wouldn’t give us any legal hassles. Well, that’d be up to them, but they’d never succeed with any spite tricks.

Tom feels that not only could I handle a kid of our own, but that due to Lisa’s age, I don’t have to worry about cooking for her. I can cook for her at times, just like I do for us, but other times, she may be just as content popping in a TV dinner just like he is. Also, she gets herself up for school and dressed and all that. She’s not an infant who needs diapers changed and who needs to be fed. True. Tom also reminded me that it’d be best not to treat her like a child, cuz as long as you treat someone like one, they’ll act it. I totally believe this is true. Dureen and Art always treated me like a child (and they still would even if I were 60) and it did seem to have a rather “childish” effect on me.

Tom also doesn’t feel that our schedules will matter.

Tom pointed out how if Lisa came out here, it’d be very hard for her to give up her friends and her familiar surroundings. I understand that. Totally. Cuz I sure as hell hated to do that, even though I hated living with Dureen and Art.

Tom feels that one of the biggest mistakes you can make with a person is to try to control them, and again, I thoroughly agree. Control freaks do no one any good. People need to be themselves. They need to have choices and that’s one of the things Dureen did to me that really made adulthood hard for me. Besides being so controlling, she’d never give me choices and ask me if I wanted to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt or what I wanted for lunch, etc. So as an adult, decision-making is very hard for me.

I asked Tom, well, what if she does come out here and make our lives hell. Tom said no one can make our lives as a couple hell. If she came out here and stole from stores, burned down houses, killed people - that’s her choice and her problem, as long as she didn’t kill us. And he advised me not to reflect my experiences on her. Yeah, I know. Just because something was rough on me, doesn’t mean it will be for her.

I tried again to get into that other word processor, that has an auto cap and correct thing, but I just couldn’t. It caps and corrects most words as you go along. Well, it caps after a period.

Haven’t seen White Paws in days, but I’m sure Tom will lure her to the door with food this long, door-slamming, ball-playing weekend. I still can’t believe the ball games haven’t started yet. What’s taking so long? It’s October already. But no one’s played yet. Not the Lopez’s kids, other neighborhood kids, or kids associated with the freeloaders themselves.

I still say leave it to God to make sure that I’m the one to get a pack of Mormons next to me, a pack of subsidized freeloaders, and a basketball hoop. Most houses don’t have hoops, but God just had to make sure that of all the houses that had a hoop, it had to be right next door to me. It just had to be!

I may not be the least bit surprised to have neighbors like the Mormons and like the freeloaders, although the Mormons were considerate of my peace in the end, but I am surprised there weren’t more turnovers. I really thought we’d go through 4-5 households before we left.

My allergies have been miserable. We went back to the AC since the cooler brings in pollen. It can’t filter it very well. The bulk of my allergy problems would end if I got rid of the animals, but sorry God, it’s not gonna happen. I’m not gonna give in, and if I must pay to have animals, fine.

I can already sense the negative vibes coming from Connecticut (not that I ever expected differently, and I’d sense any serious life changes coming up if God decided to make any) as far as Lisa’s concerned. My strong “no kids” vibe remains and like I said, taking Lisa in isn’t something God would go for any more than Bill would. Children are not a part of my life. Never have been. Never will be. Unless you want to count neighbor’s kids from back there and from here that have been a part of my life in the wrong kind of way, kids are not part of my life’s theme/destiny.