You could say I’m in a fine mood since it’s been one year since I quit smoking!! I’m in such shock and disbelief.

For my anniversary, Tom neatened up papers that were cluttered in the back room. This is very nice of him, but I’m afraid this is one of those many projects that he starts but won’t finish for a while. This weekend, he did venture away from the TV to do some computer work, but he mostly did his favorite - the TV.

As I knew/predicted, my oh-so-horny-all-the-time husband didn’t want extras. Neither did I. It’s just that I can be honest about it.

Andy was a pest for a while there, who as figured, didn’t mention the anniversary in his message to me for two reasons. One is because he’s too into himself these days, even if he is less insensitive, and two is because he no doubt forgot about it. About a week ago when we were talking, he did, however, mention being proud of me for it, and that was nice.

I take that back about Tom. He says he’s gonna finish the paper sorting today. Then he also said we could do the file box next weekend. Yeah, right. But whenever we do it, I’m gonna scan the papers we want to keep.

Now back to Andy. He’s such a pest at times, I swear! Is he just too stupid to remember the things I tell him? Or does he just not give a shit? He knows I don’t do weekend chats, he and I just updated each other on our lives just two days ago, yet he has to leave me this message saying nothing but that my machine kept cutting him off and that he’d be around if I wanted to call and chat later. Yeah, the machine kept cutting him off cuz every single fucking time I tried to log in to AOL, he had to call and cut me off. Of all the times this pest had to call, couldn’t it have waited till after I’d gotten online?

So I left him a message reminding him that we just talked and that I was too tied up.

In Andy’s last message to me, he was all thrilled cuz Barbara Nicks lent him $10. Well, I’m happy for him, but is he gonna always be scraping pennies? I sometimes wonder if he’ll live his life as broke as he will loveless. I hope not.

I could be totally wrong on this, but his gut that he complains about has to be coming from somewhere. It’s not just about age, so I wonder if he’s really as hungry as he makes himself out to be. I think that the real reason he’s starving so much of the time is that he’s spending whatever precious money he has left after he pays some of his bills, and buys pot and cigarettes, on food that he’s gobbling up in no time at all. If I’m right, and if he’s eating like a pig and eating his kitchen down the moment he stocks it, he is gonna be starving a lot. He claims he just has a few bites a day, but I don’t think so. His eating seems to be a regular topic in his messages and it’s no wonder that he’s bitching about not being able to eat. He doesn’t ration out his food to last him, however hard that may be. And I know how hard it can be. I went through all that shit myself. My question to God, though, is if he’s always gonna be this way. 90% of his life is just like it was when he was 27 when we reunited, which is in a sense, kind of sad.

Later…

Only one little burst of door-slamming today from the red car. Other than that, Joebitch has been good, and it just went to bed from what I can see. Any door slamming I get from over there is nothing compared to what the cock would give me. The bitch’s cronies are parked outside of the carport when they’re doing their shit, so the sound doesn’t funnel in between the block wall and their carport as much. But when that freeloader would be parked deep in the carport and deliberately slam doors really, really hard - Jesus Christ! I wanted to kill the little shit fuck.

Yesterday was binge day and I had around 2000 calories. I ate like a pig and this double chin, thick waist, big hips, thunder thighs, and bubble butt, really show it, but you know what? I just don’t care! Thank you, God, too, cuz just like I wanted for years to not give a fuck about a kid, I longed for a time when I could be carefree about my weight. Why should I worry about how I look when I’m married and healthy and not looking to be a topless dancer?

I had Tom put the scale away again so I wouldn’t be back into obsessive weighing again out of habit. I know whether I’m big or small by just looking and seeing. The scale last said 118 pounds, though.

Fifteen minutes from now at 9:15, I expect the guard dogs will have their final barking fit of the day.

Tom scanned something into the computer and into my wallpaper menu that I’ll always cherish. I picked my top favorites of the mice - Ziggy, Patch, Tanner, and one of the Cocoas, and had Tom film and capture a shot of them using the camcorder. I also did one of Velvet and Ratsy. Velvet pretty much just looks like a black blob, so I just printed out the mice and Ratsy for Tammy and the girls so they can see their different colors and markings.

Tom had White Paws in today and she was in the kitchen eating with Blackie. She ran when she saw me, cuz she knows I don’t like her. I wish he didn’t have to be so damn soft-hearted when it came to animals, cuz every time I’ve just about gotten rid of her and gotten her to fend for herself, he lures her right back here.

Our cousin Cindy Olsen called but didn’t leave a message, therefore, I don’t know what she wanted Tom to do for her and I know she wanted him to do something for her, cuz nobody calls this guy without wanting him to do something for them.