A silver car just quietly dropped the bitch off. Although I don’t have a bad vibe, I’m still sure her sick pals will bring over their little kiddies at some point, so they can all raise hell for a little while.

It still pisses me off that I gotta get the doll while I’m out. Yes, the mailman’s left packages before, as Tom’s pointed out. He’s left CDs, but he’s not gonna leave a $100 doll sitting out there. So, Tuesday’s the day I’ll have it unless it’s gone to someone else. Then I have to wait a month for Patrice. I wonder if doll collecting is worth it. If it’s gonna be such a big deal getting dolls, maybe I should quit after these two.

Later…

Oh good. I just caught the regular mailman and asked if he’d be delivering on Monday. He said yes, and I told him about the package that may very well come that day and just to leave it here. He said fine. I hope so. I hope he remembers.

Later…

All’s still peaceful around here, but from 6:00 - 10:00, who knows?

I made a total pig of myself yesterday and at 118 pounds, I’m paying for it. My clothes are pretty tight. So, since there’s no room for the walker in the living room, and since walking didn’t really do much for me anyway, I’ve taken a water pill and have decided to stop eating for a while. I’ve taken vitamin pills, too, and with lots of water, juice, some tea, and coffee, I’ll be OK. I won’t do this very long or very often. It’s just that it’s soooo natural for my body to be heavy and if I just say fuck it all together and eat whenever I’m hungry, I’m gonna be 200 pounds in the long run and the more I think about that, the more I don’t like it. I may never be thin again and I may never have my old metabolism back, but I don’t want to be huge, either. I just wish maintaining the same weight didn’t take so much work and suffering! Why does it have to be so hard?

I called Tammy and told her about yesterday, then she told me something that shocked the shit out of me. Something that I almost never hear out of her mouth. Well, she said things were going well there.

There’s a movie premiering on HBO tonight that I’ve been wanting to see and on Tuesday, Gloria will be on a request show. I’m sure she’ll look shitty as all hell, but that ought to be interesting; seeing her perform whatever people call in to request.

I kind of like the computer in the living room better. It looks kind of cool where it’s at, it’s closer to the bedroom, music room, bathroom, and kitchen, and its sounds are better cuz it’s in a smaller room. The only thing I don’t like about it is that I feel like I’m vulnerable prey to kids playing in the street or next door. I feel like my sitting here will lure them right to that hoop as if they sense my presence. Well, God knows I’m here.

I better enjoy the peace from barking dogs in the living room while it lasts, cuz according to Tom, they’ve got a for rent sign up in front of that house (he says it couldn’t have been rented yet) and you know there’ll be a dog. Also, with the way their fence is laid out, it’ll be up front 99% of the time and not in back by its alley. Their front is our front, of course, so I’ll be hearing it loud and clear and having to drown it out with the fan. I can forget about my 9 PM-6 AM peace.

Tom just told me a computer game’s coming out based on John Saul’s Blackstone Chronicles series. Can’t wait!