More family problems. However, it’s on his side so it’s not nothing compared to what I went through with those on my side. It’s petty shit, but at the same time, I was both hurt and angry to find out through Tom’s mom that Evie may’ve been rather offended by my request that she doesn’t bring the kids to the house to visit till they’re older. She told me that that was no problem because they use sitters all the time anyway, but it appears that it just may be a problem after all. I hate someone that can’t tell me when I’ve upset them. Why do people always have to go to someone else, huh? What are they afraid of? I went through this shit with Andy for years. He’d bitch to me about Miles or someone, and I’d be like - Andy, you’re telling the wrong person how you feel! Did you ever think of confronting the source and going directly to the person that’s pissed you off and letting them know how you feel?

It’s no wonder so many people don’t get along. They don’t communicate.

I feel betrayed by his mom, but mostly by Evie. I see this as gossiping, although he says he sees it as expressing their opinions. Yeah, I didn’t expect him to see it like I see it, but oh well. Although I feel his mom gossips a lot, most of her talk is about Evie, Nickolena and Parker. I guess they’re her favorites. I told him I don’t want anything to do with Evie from here on out, but that he could do what he wanted as far as allowing Mom, Mary, and Dave to visit. It wouldn’t be right of me, like he said, to tell him his own family can’t visit just cuz mine can’t, and I can be polite while they visit. We both can live without Evie, though. I told Tom I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if Mary disliked me and talked shit about me (it’s a feeling I’ve always had). He said, who cares? Well, normally I wouldn’t want someone who had not-so-nice things to say about me visiting, but no, I don’t care, and I can live with it and with her visiting. I care if Tom says something bad to me or thinks something bad about me, but others, I’m just not so picky about. I let Evie know I was both hurt and upset to have found out through Mom that she was offended by my request and that I really wished she’d come to me with anything that offended her. I told her I still love her and David and the kids and am very sorry if I upset her in any way, but perhaps it’s best we ignore each other and that I remove her from my email list. That way I don’t have to worry about finding out from someone that I offended her again. I certainly don’t want to be a problem for her, I told her.

Speaking of letting people know how I feel, I won’t be leaving any notes here. They already know how we feel about them and this place and they aren’t worth the time and energy a note would take.

The black and white beasts were sitting right smack outside our patio. I just don’t get this sitting on other people’s patios, yards, etc. Is something wrong with their own? They’re still quieter than they were when we first got here, although I do hear an occasional bump, bang, or scream. I guess not all kids are on vacation. We’ve seen some school buses around. God just had to make sure the kids next to me were out of school, though! I think the reason he’s been siccing kids and their noise on me for so long is to make up for and to compensate me for the fact that I get to get out of having it inside my own home for 18 years. Thank God, too!

I don’t know if remembered to write about this, but once when we were out by the land, Tom ran over a big rattlesnake. I didn’t see it, though. I had my head down looking at maps or something. That’s something I’m not looking forward to having to deal with out there. He said I may never see one, but I’m sure I will. And God only knows if I’ll be seeing tarantulas too, and other huge, terrifying spiders. It also sucks that there are just as many ants and other insects out there. Maybe more.

Tom said he was told a house once existed on our land, but we think they must be mistaken, or else we’d have seen some remnants of it, wouldn’t we?

Before we get regular trash services, we’re gonna throw our bags of trash and put them in the trunk of the car to take once a week to put in Mary’s alley when he visits the mouth. One of the mouths, anyway.

Also, we have to use special toilet paper that’ll break up in the acid that’s in the shithole.

The other day I wanted to browse through an adult store, but Tom reminded me that he’s uncomfortable in those places. And he says he’d be OK with discussing his sexual ways with a doctor? I don’t think so! He’d be very uncomfortable and embarrassed to discuss it with anyone else, but he wouldn’t want to and he doesn’t have to. I know how much he enjoys cumless sex and I want him to have what he wants. Even if I started wanting a kid again, I still wouldn’t want him to sacrifice the sex he likes, not that I could conceive the natural way. He’s a very old-fashioned guy, though, trust me.

I seriously wonder about something, though. Most women do want kids and wouldn’t give that up for a guy who’s like Tom is in bed. Well, 35 years is an awfully long time for such a great guy to be alone, and I really wonder if it could be because of his not cumming. Although, it’d depend on whether or not they were on birth control. I don’t think he’d be the way he is if I had been on birth control all along. Yes, he likes not cumming, but I still also believe it’s a fear thing and I always will. He told me he came with his first wife. Well, she was on birth control. Well, as long as he’s happy - and hey - he keeps the sheets dry while he’s doing what he likes/wants, so why not?