Tom’s getting the car fixed now and doing laundry while he’s waiting for the car to be done. I’m sick of our fucking cars not being able to get past 3-4 months without some problem! I totally resent God too, for allowing us to be hexed with the same old shit over and over again! We don’t need to spend any more time and money on cars! Why should we bother getting a new car someday, after all? It’ll only have problems every few months.

All its hoses are old and are cracking and leaking. Power steering fluid’s been leaking like hell, so now that’s one more thing we’ve got to deal with and lose money on. Why now God, huh? Have some compassion and just leave us alone and let us get ahead in life for a change!

I was going to go with him today, but I was just too tired, so he said it’d be no problem for me to hang back and for him to do the laundry.

Today’s a holiday, and it fucking figures there has to be a 3-day holiday while we’re here, huh? The blacks are home today, but get this - they’ve been so quiet that I thought they moved! Since last Thursday, they haven’t been banging and screaming like hell, and I haven’t seen the white boy, either! There was a cluster of black and white kids playing on the lawn down at the other end of this strip yesterday, but that’s it. No screaming outside the living room.

As far as I know, the room to our left is still empty. The room below the blacks is still empty too, and has been for nearly as long as we’ve been here, but gee, I wonder why! I should’ve put two and two and figured out that this place had to be empty as long as it was for a reason, too. It’s now more than obvious that this place was vacant as long as it was, along with the one below the blacks, cuz no one wanted to live next to or under a herd of blacks. Also, other people had to have been shown this room, just like we were, while the white kid was next door screaming out front and I’m sure that’s got to have turned a lot of people off. Not that it didn’t turn me off, too; it’s just I knew I was destined for that no matter where I went, so I figured I might as well go with the flow of what was fated to be since I knew I had no choice. Also, I’m still pretty sure the blacks are permanent residents. I wonder if the blacks downstairs are too, but at least their bumps and bangs are much milder and they don’t have kids screaming outside.

What I wonder, though, since I’m naturally a curious person, is what made them quiet down? I mean, I hear a few scattered bumps and bangs, but not nearly like I used to.

I have a whole shitload of stuff to write about, but I’ll get to it later.

Later...

Fuck! Those fucking blacks and the white animal are at it again! They’re still not banging as much as they used to, but still, why do I have to hear them at all? Can’t they fucking sit still and shut up? Why do they have to be so wild and make a scene? Can’t they live like civilized, normal people without having to be the center of attention? The white animal’s back in the picture again. The little black boy just ran out and slammed the door behind it, then went running down the patio by our place with whitey behind it. At least they didn’t come back so soon afterward. I guess they went to hang out at someone else’s place for a change that lives down at the other end.

I’m just so sick of kids and blacks being thrown at me like this year after year! Is God ever gonna let me disassociate myself from them? And Mexicans, too? By the way, there are still too many Mexicans out here, but not as many as there are in Phoenix.

I still can’t figure out what God’s been trying to tell me by tossing neighbor’s noise on me throughout the bulk of this last decade, and I’m getting pretty nervous as well as excited about getting out of here. I know that my time of listening to neighbors is coming to an end for the most part, but I also know that that means I’m about to trade that in for a new problem that will dominate the next decade, and this worries me. What will it be? Tom thinks that instead of having one big problem, I’ll have a bunch of little problems. An example he mentioned is how we won’t be able to easily run out to a Jack-n-the-Box. Also, there’ll be more dust where we’re going that’ll build up on the skylight. But that’s nothing compared to what God usually has in store for me. He’s gotta do much worse than that to me. I just know it. Even so, I can’t wait to get out of here! We were wondering about certain things about the trailer, like if it has any dishes. Should we buy a $50 microwave just for the month or two that we use it? Will the crew want to use the bathroom? Well, I’ll let them know as soon as they ask that they have to piss elsewhere, if not quite in those words. We’ve got to go sparingly on water.

It’s hard to believe that I have only about ten more days of having to live with headphones on. That is when the shitfucks next door are home. But it’s either them or my music. Tom was worried that the construction on the land would get to me, but I doubt it. As long as I can keep a schedule, and as long as I know what’s going on and for how long, it shouldn’t be a problem. As long as it’s coming from within my own territory, that’s different, and I can deal with it. That doesn’t mean I want to go for in vitro (not that God would allow me to have a kid, naturally or not) and bring a kid into the house to make the same loud, obnoxious, nerve-fraying noise I’ve been trying for eight years to get away from. Besides, I still want to be selfish and live life for us. I’m not ready to have to give up my pets or my doll collecting, either.

Anyway, I finally found those chewable calcium supplements that taste like tootsie rolls, and that are therefore pleasant to take. I lack calcium in my diet cuz I can’t eat much in the way of dairy products cuz my stomach’s too sensitive to it.

We looked in some stores Tom wanted to look in, like camping stores, electronic stores, hardware stores, etc.

We stopped at a car parts store yesterday so he could play car for a while (we’re still looking for a backup vehicle of some sort). I got scented deodorizer while I was there, though, but instead of using it in the car, I’m using it as “duty spray” in the bathroom. It’s berry-scented, but it smells more like just grapes than a mix of berries.

We spent nearly $200 on software yesterday. Yes, it’s been so fun doing all this shopping, and we do feel like we’re on vacation at times! Now’s the time to do all this, too. Once we get settled in the house, it’ll be a while yet before we can splurge like this again.

He got some software for building decks, as well as another book on building things.

I got a dictionary which I love, and which I’ve been wanting for a long time. For a long time, I’ve wanted a quick and easy way to look up words on the computer. It’s even got Gloria’s name in it! I thought it’d have Linda’s too, for sure, but nope. Also, it’s got swears in it!

I got a new mahjong game, so I now have three versions of that game, which is my favorite computer game. It doesn’t have a lot of pretty, colorful tilesets, and most of its background pictures are boring or too blocky, but the cool thing about this version is that I can use my own wallpaper pictures for the background! Can’t do that with the others.

I also got a couple of games that deal with ghost hunting. One of the games is based on a series of books by John Saul.

OK, time to take another break.

Later...

Two years of not smoking yet I still continue to be interrupted by congestion every other time I sing. I feel like God just won’t let me move on and get ahead in life. It’s a damn good thing I didn’t know I’d still be tight and congested before I quit, or else I definitely wouldn’t have put myself through the hell of it and the weight gain. At least I saved money by quitting, and gave up the wheezing and the chances of me dying in a fatal asthma attack where we’re moving to since it’d take an ambulance about a half hour or more to get to me. I’ve been more congested here and less tight (it’s either one or the other). It’s still so insulting to hear people say that God helps those who help themselves when this is bullshit! When is he gonna help me after all my hard work with quitting smoking by taking away this tightness and congestion, even if it’s just some of it?

Anyway, our black and white assholes have still been much better overall. They were much worse last weekend. This weekend, though, they’d distract me with their bumps, bangs, and screams, but only a few times and for a second. Not twenty times for several minutes each. I just don’t understand why whitey has to play next door or in front of our place. What’s wrong with its own place?

Anyway, I have yet to cover some of the purchases we’ve made over the last handful of days, so let me get to that, and the other things I’ve done.

Tom showed me an easier way to make calendars with little pictures in each square so there can be a picture for each day, as well as for each month. It’s pretty cool.

I had wrapped flossy yarn around the plain, boring white plastic hanger that goes with this pink floral plant I just got, but it looked tacky. So, I took Tom’s advice and took the hanger off altogether, since it would look good on top of the kitchen cabinets with its branches hanging down.

My mail has finally gone out to Joebitch, Tammy, Larry, and Andy, but the Mexicans’ are gonna wait a little while. As I said, I don’t want to confuse the postal people too much.

I got a shiny, glittery headband. Two of them, actually. I was dumb enough to lose the first one, even if it was only $3, while we were in the food court getting my chicken wings and his hot dog. So I had to get another one. It looks dazzling, and I’m gonna need headbands the longer my bangs get, that’s for sure. It’s looking better than I thought it’d look with the bangs growing out. I look older, but not geekier. I’ll still never have the face and body I had in my twenties, that’s for sure! I’ll probably go back and forth between having bangs and not having them throughout my life. At least I can cut bangs instantly and not have to wait for them to shrink shorter like I have to wait for the bangs to grow longer!

I got some liquid foundation to better hide my facial blemishes which are worsening with age, rather than my usual powder foundation. I’ve got blotches, zits, and veins showing through my too-white, almost transparent, albino skin. Got some higher-quality mascara too, and six bottles of nail polish - white, black, light blue, yellow, orchid, and magenta. I still can’t do nail art too easily, though, cuz this stuff doesn’t do color over color very well. Oh well. At least I have all the really cool colors. I have each nail a different color.

Believe it or not, I got a rock. It’s a beautiful $3 pyrite rock that’s also known as fool’s gold. It shines and glitters so gorgeously.

When Tom went back to Border’s to get another book, I got a true-crime storybook about some guy that was a trucker that’d torture women he’d kidnap along the roads and a 4-book series by V.C. Andrews. This series has four little books, rather than five big ones.

Still can’t find a big enough wheel for Ratsy. If I have a hard time finding Fancy mice, I may get common white mice. They are kind of cute, it’s just that they all look the same and are less calm. Even so, they’re active enough to be entertaining to watch.

Last Friday night, I think it was, I almost fell off schedule again. I was having a bad allergy attack that just went on and on and on. So I took a Benadryl and ended up napping, which almost threw me off schedule. This is so amazing, though, that I still can’t believe it! Me? Able to keep a schedule?! It’s been nearly two months now. Usually, when you change a habit you’ve had for so many years, you’re not usually able to have it stick the first time around. It takes several attempts, but I couldn’t do it without the Melatonin, that’s for sure.

Tomorrow, Tom’s gonna do up a résumé for a day shift job and call Dennis, the guy who works for IBM and repairs the computers where Tom works. He told Tom to call him 4-5 days before we wanted the trailer set up, although we probably won’t be totally out of here and in it till around the 20th. Just one more wild weekend! Then what will God stick on us? Another $400 to have to be dished out on the fucking car? I just hope we can find a backup vehicle fast and that God doesn’t have them break simultaneously, which is something he’d do.

Tom didn’t have time to do the laundry today, thanks to the cursed car, so we’re doing it at Mary’s tomorrow. Believe it or not, Ma’s still in California. That’s fine with me. I really don’t want to deal with her and her problems right now. We’ve got enough of our own shit going on. Tom said they asked for a rail to be put up for Ma and at first I was pissed, thinking - here we go again with their wants, but as Tom said, they know he can’t be a regular slave of theirs. One favor here and there is OK, anyway, and they are being kind enough to let us do our clothes there. Tom said he’d put the dog outside, too. Good. Cuz even if he liked me the last time, I don’t want to take the chance that he’ll change his mind and decide to take a bite out of me. Dogs can be pretty unpredictable, even though he disagrees.

I’ve had the headphones off and haven’t heard a peep out of next door, which is nice.

Yesterday and today we went to Denny’s. On both days I got steak and shrimp. What is it with these waitresses and salespeople trying to be so friendly these days? They’re more than friendly. They’re pests. Our waitress wanted to chat while I was trying to eat. We can’t go into a store without being asked if we need any help as soon as we step foot in the door, we say no, then they go into a spiel about their measly deal they got running, then we have to go through the whole damn thing all over again with a different sale person five minutes later.

We looked in a wood-making store that Tom wanted to check out and discussed the possibility of getting unfinished furniture that we’d finish ourselves. I’d rather not do that, though.

We also looked in a couple of furniture stores. The entertainment center, though, would best be bought at a Walmart or something like that. I might get this gorgeous smooth, shiny black bedroom set so there won’t be too much whitewash in the house, since the kitchen set, the kitchen, and the baths will have whitewash. So will my computer desk.

We checked out dishes at Walmart and I found a beautiful set I want to get that sure beats Doe’s boring set, although I do intend to keep her stuff. I’ll just store it away. They have a series of designs, and I liked My Garden the best. We can get sets and we can get stuff individually, so as he pointed out, it won’t kill us to have to get a five-dollar pan for his hot dogs if we have no microwave or a wimpy one from the 70s that the guy said was there.

My period’s being erratic again, but that’s just the way I am these days. I told Tom I thought it had only been one week since getting my last period, but he said he thought it was two. As soon as he said that, I knew he’d be too scared to cum, although he pretended to be close to doing so. Maybe he really was close, but fear is a powerful thing. Yes, he finally initiated some sex Saturday morning, which I didn’t think we’d ever have here.

I forgot if it was Saturday or Sunday - one of those days - we went to another mall we hadn’t been to in a while and they had a doll store. Most of their dolls were only $15, about 16”, and very boring. They did have a couple of bigger, nicer dolls, but of course they were the ones that were between $80-$150.

I got a couple of cheap $5 Barbies at a drugstore that were in boring outfits, so I could put them in a couple of outfits I have that haven’t been worn. So now I have six Barbies.

Got another 17” porcelain doll too, at Walmart for just $17. They have a lot of these cheap dolls cuz of the holidays, but after Christmas, they’ll be gone. She’s from the same people who made the Meagan doll I got there right before we left Phoenix. I named her Shauna. She’s got a pretty dress for being so cheap. It’s a mint green dress with white lace and pine green and maroon floral-like trim. She has a matching hat. She has a pretty pink chiffon bow by one hip with little maroon flowers in the center of it. Rather than her shoes being typical white saddle shoes, she has white shoes with daisy cutouts and a few pearls. She has dark green-gray eyes and long blond hair.

My best news of all has to do with Jade and JBS Dolls, but I’ll get to it some other time.