And the weekend anxiety continues. Weekends will still be a bitch and filled with a ton of noise until we get to the house. And even then, who knows what gunfire we’ll hear from those weekend hunters? We talked about the possibility of renting a trailer and living on the land until we can get into the house. I like that idea very much.

I was just about to say that this has been the quietest day here so far, with just a few scattered bangs, but then the fucking sanding machine had to start up. They just gotta do something.

The reason I’m not looking forward to the weekend is cuz of the blacks next door and the white kid that practically lives there. At first I thought both families lived there, but Tom said the white boy and his parents live on the end. We’re the third one from the end and the blacks are the second. I’m sick of God sticking those blacks and kids on me! It’s like – enough is enough for fuck’s sake!! Well maybe, just maybe, this really is the last year I’ll have to listen to other people’s antics, but I don’t know. I’m just afraid that if it is, some new ongoing curse will begin in its place and I’ll have to deal with that throughout most of the next decade.

These fucking assholes really make living here during the late afternoon/evening hours hell. And the weekends, too. What I think is that the white kid’s mother works past when it gets out of school, but the black doesn’t, so the kid is at the blacks people’s place till its mother gets in around 6:30-7:00. This is why the fucking kid is screaming its head off with its many toys all over next door’s patio and not elsewhere and why I thought it lived next door (God just had to find a way to bring him closer to me). I thought it lived there too, cuz of all the time it spends over there. It might as well live there, cuz it’s only in its place to sleep. There are about 15 rooms per floor, with two sets of stairs at either end leading up here. One of the stairs just had to be right in front of our place, and stairs are a magnet for kids to play on. So, when it’s not on the patio next door, which is still too close for comfort, it’s playing and screaming on the stairs just outside here. And the thing of it is, is that I know these people will be here as long as we are, give or take a couple of days. I wouldn’t get all psyched up, though, if they left right now, cuz I know better. I’ve learned from experience that God would just replace them with the same old noisy shit.

Well, for whatever it’s worth, I do intend to set that guy straight that knowingly lied to me (not that I didn’t know he was lying) and let him know that it’s only quiet when the sanding machines are off and people aren’t going in and out of their cabinets over and over a zillion times and throwing shit up against the wall. The reason I’m not gonna say anything now is that I know it won’t do me any good. If that doesn’t make them all the noisier, it at least won’t make them any less noisy, either. They’ll just be like - how dare you complain on us even if you do have a point and we truly are quite noisy!

The only thing that’s different here as far as the construction of the building goes is that footsteps don’t vibrate the floors. If you’ve got someone that loves to stomp real hard like Andy, you’d hear his foot making contact with the floor, of course, but he couldn’t jolt someone awake that was next door by making them think an earthquake just broke out.

The only other thing you hear a lot more of here is sirens cuz there’s a police station nearby.

I can’t believe I haven’t found one spider in here. Just a couple of little tiny ant-like creatures.

I sent Marla my explanation of why I was walking away from Andy and can only guess as to if she’s pissed or understands or both, but it doesn’t matter either way. What’s done is done. On my third day here I sort of felt bad and a little bit guilty but I quickly got over it and other than that, I don’t feel guilty for what I did. I had to do what I had to do just like anyone else in this world and like I said, he’s not alone. He has others who are on his level. The poor guy probably thinks he’ll never see his phone message tape again, but he should have it by next week.

Mary’s dog Pepper bit Evelyn. As Tom says, Evelyn’s not a very nice person (she sits with his mom all day), but still, that’s all it took for me to hear and now I know I won’t ever go in that house again unless that dog is either outside or locked in some room.

Ma’s latest problem is that she’s got shingles. Tom said he had no idea what it was, so I went online to look it up. It’s fluid-filled blisters on the skin.

The dumb shit’s going to California with David and Evie, who Tom’s worried will screw up her medication. Actually, it’s Mary that’s the dumb shit. OK, so this may be her only chance to ever go there, but if she’s incompetent enough not to make the best decisions for her, then Mary should. She’s just gonna end up causing more problems for Tom and stealing more of his time so our lives get delayed some more. A part of me wonders if she likes being a burden to people and if she wants to be smothered by people doting on her. I don’t know. Either that or maybe she really is out of it that she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing. I’m just sick of her problems! It’s like - God? Yo, God? What are you waiting for? Take this woman and just let her be with Dad. She belongs with him. Let him spend the time and effort on her, OK? She’s done her time here and all she can do is be miserable and make others miserable, too.

Although I didn’t know approximately what month she’d die, I knew during Dad’s funeral that she would die when it was hot. Of course she will. So I can die of the heat during the services.

Later...

What a fucking liar! A total, total liar! I knew I did the right thing by cutting off Tammy. For many reasons. One of them is because she’s one of the biggest liars I ever knew and she simply cannot be trusted. Ever since she tried telling me Art’s voice went out, I knew deep down she was lying. Still, I was curious about proving her wrong and hearing for myself what a liar she is, so I called Florida, he answered, and he sounded perfect. Just like he’s always sounded. I knew that bitch was full of shit, saying anything to get me back in touch with them.

It took me a while to get through cuz the line was busy and I expect it will be a lot in the near future what with how I bluffed them. I did the same for Larry and Tammy, but they don’t know it yet. I bluffed them all by saying I sent duplicate copies of each letter to people they know, so naturally, they’re gonna be paranoid for a while and keep asking people if they’ve heard from me. They need what they’re getting from me. They not only deserve it, but maybe they’ll actually learn something from it!

We got our first sales call. At least there aren’t a dozen a day! I wouldn’t be surprised if we ended up back to the same old shit after moving.

They didn’t ask to paint our door today. The fucking painters that won’t be done for weeks are painting the turquoise doors purple. We told them Wednesday and Thursday weren’t convenient for us, and hopefully they’ll take the hint and just wait till we leave. I don’t need this place stunk up with paint at $850 a month. We’re already paying hundreds of dollars to hear next door bang and scream. We don’t need to pay for any more interruptions.

Later...

The white boy and the black boy are out playing on the stairs. They arrived at 4:22 on the dot. They were down on the grass playing ball, but whenever they do that, it’s never for long. They prefer to sit and scream on the stairs and the patio.

Nothing makes me sicker than seeing a child with a child, as I did at Denny’s yesterday. This child-mother couldn’t have been a day over 15. I don’t know which I felt sorry for most -the child, whose mother’s still too young to know how to take care of even herself let alone it, or the mother, whose life is over when it should’ve just been beginning.

Well, let me get into yesterday’s outing before I get backed up. I was hoping it’d be fun, but for the most part, it was a bore. We were out for nine hours, but we spent about five of it driving and getting slowed down in construction. This city’s so fucking full of construction everywhere and I won’t miss it!

After leaving just after 9:30 and getting lost, we arrived at Steven’s at close to 10:30 to finish up the options. The only bad news is that I can’t get that beautiful pink carpet I wanted. We can’t find a sample that matches what he’s got. I don’t want burnt mauve. I wanted the champagne pink. I’m still getting plush carpet, though, even if I’ll put rocking dents in it. I was right in figuring from the get-go that the carpet would be either pink or blue. Instead of going back to the bumpy spice carpet, which is sort of like a cranberry color, I chose Providence Blue. A vivid pretty blue that’s neither too light nor too dark. It’s a medium blue shade. Meanwhile, I’ll have more decorations with pink in them and it’ll look great.

His kittens made me sneeze while I was there, but they were fun to play with anyway. Minnie liked me and Mickey liked Tom. Steven doesn’t seem to like them, but Tommy does. He was so mean to Tommy at one point too, telling him to “just do what I said,” but Tommy seems like enough of a sucker to put up with it. He seems very submissive.

After an hour or a little more at Steven’s we intended to go out to the land, but it was just too far to Casa Grande where we had to go first. We didn’t realize it was so far and we were running out of time. Casa Grande’s a nice little town, though. We paid for the land in a place with gorgeous southwestern decorations where we had to sit on our asses some more. I love being with Tom, but I had to sit the whole fucking day away, between the car and the office. We had to wait quite a while in line at the bank, too.

When we got into Scottsdale, we went on a wild goose chase trying to find a Laundromat, which is scarce out here. First, though, we stopped in the store I got Anne, Edie, Rapunzel and Angel, and they only had 3-4 impressive dolls, but they were $400-$600 and not impressive enough to buy. Kachina dolls are a joke. Totally tacky.

Tom asked me if I had noticed the fem drooling over the Barbies when we were in there, but I didn’t. I just don’t get these feminine gays and masculine lesbians, and it looks like I never will. If you’re not attracted to anything feminine, then how can you drool over Barbies? And again, why do you have to look like a man in order to be attracted to women if you’re a woman? I just don’t get why liking women means you can’t look like one.

We went to a Laundromat that was practically right next door to the doll store, and amazingly enough, we were the only ones in there the whole time. I’m sure we won’t be that lucky next time. It had a ton of washers, but only four dryers. They were big, kick-ass dryers, though.

Our last stop was Denny’s where I got another steak and eggs dinner. It was good, but a little tough this time.

He changed the credit card address today, and tomorrow we’re ordering Chyna, Sekarina and Glenora! Yes, good news - I found Glenora online! Also, Tom had a brilliant idea last night. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this myself, but he suggested I look and see if the home shopping network has a web page, and they did. I was able to look up Sekarina and see that they have her! And Chyna, too.

Here’s my latest doll plan: I’ve decided to order Chyna, Sekarina and Glenora online. And Pine Leaf, Sacajawea, and Colette (another ballerina made by the same artist that made Patrice) from Ashton-Drake. That’ll leave $200 to get a couple of Indian babies like the ones I saw a few days ago. I’ll try again for Marisa with any birthday/Christmas money I may get, and go to JBS Dolls in March when we have more spending money. It’s just that I don’t want to go there and be overwhelmed with wanting more dolls and having more to pick from. Also, if I wait until then, they should be somewhat established.