Although I flipped my schedule enough to return to the Melatonin two nights ago, I woke up extra early this morning. I fell asleep around midnight and awoke at 5:00 needing to pee. I couldn’t go back to sleep, but I laid there till around 9:00 and even dozed off at times.

Dan made his departure loud and clear when leaving at 7:30. He just had to gun that engine a few times before leaving. He couldn’t just leave. The little fuck did a little afternoon engine-gunning yesterday and the day before too, but amazingly, it was only for a few minutes. When’s this fuck gonna split? In June? The trailers are still there too, seemingly untouched. With my shit luck, this cock will decide to stay here year-round.

It shocks me to say this, and probably always will, but I was the one who cracked my computer problem yesterday. The reason I couldn’t use the word processor I normally use (I’m using it again, though) was because my mouse pointer would lock up. It was a major breakthrough when I discovered that I could trick it by moving the mouse to the sides of the toolbar and not across it. Tom thought it was within the toolbar at first, but then he realized it was the mouse. I guess I had a corrupt file and it caused the mouse to fail, so he turned off the wheel motion and the double clicker, so now I’m using just a basic mouse. Just in case something happens where I can never use my word processor again, or open any of its documents elsewhere, I printed out important stuff; journal stuff, my story, pet and doll charts, grocery lists, phone numbers, etc.

Later...

OK, I’m going to finish updating with my new keyboard. Yeah, the breakage around here has been unfuckingbelievable! So far, 90% of what I’ve predicted would occur during the first few months in the house has been accurate. Tom’s not going to cum this month like I said I felt he would when he last came last November or December because I told him about it. So, he’s got to prove me wrong, of course. Fine with me. As long as he’s happy. Anyway, knowing a lot of things are going to be breaking takes some of the surprise out of it, but not the frustration. It still pisses me the fuck off. No one’s stuff breaks like ours. Not even those who have ten times the amount of stuff we do. My stereo stopped playing CDs, one of the sound machines broke, one of my staplers broke, my keyboard acted up (Tom gave me a different one which I’ll have to get used to), and I know there’s more. Of course, both computers are still having problems, although mine’s certainly improved since I made the mouse discovery. I need a new mouse. I need/want a lot of things and I realize we’re never going to truly get ahead in life, so to speak, if we don’t find out what’s cursing us and a way to free ourselves of it. I mean, we can move and have a nice house, but how much can we really do/have with this curse hanging over us? I have a zillion questions which only lead to more questions - why does this thing, or things, hate us so much? Where is it? What is it? How, if possible, can we get rid of it? We’re going to have to do some curse research.

I’ve certainly become cursed with the weight since quitting smoking. I just cannot lose weight/inches. I had silly hopes of being able to eat 1500-2000 calories a day as long as I worked out, but nope. I’ve gained weight. Some of it may be premenstrual water retention, but still, I should be at least a few pounds lighter and an inch or two smaller by now and I’m not. The only difference I feel, although I suppose it’s better than nothing, is firmer overall. I really am going to have to have just 1000 calories a day which is like total starvation for me. To go one day with just 1000 calories is hell on me, let alone weeks. But anyway, this doctor that’s associated with Bowflex is guaranteeing that if I do just 10 exercises a week, 3 times a week, drink lots of water, and don’t exceed 1000 calories per day, I can lose about 16 pounds in just 6 weeks. It gets even harder to believe: he also says that once I get my weight stabilized to an ideal weight, I can drop to working out just 2 times a week and can go up to 1600-2400 calories a day. Yeah, right! But even so, I’m curious to give it a try and see just how full of shit this cock really is, although I’m going to do nearly 20 exercises for a more complete workout. I’ll work out on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I’m currently 125 pounds and my measurements are as follows: Chest-37, Waist-30, Hips-37, Thighs-22.

For the sake of my crotch and the soreness it gets when more than two weeks go by before we screw, I gave Tom an ultimatum. I told him that I must do it at least once every two weeks or he’ll never touch me again. We don’t have to do it daily, a few times a week, or weekly, but we can’t let more than a couple of weeks go by. Nonetheless, the sex we had two days ago wasn’t as painful as I thought it’d be, and he had no problem getting hard. Of course, those times he did, he was normal, because if you can’t cum, you shouldn’t be able to get hard in the first place.

Tom ran into Dan today at Circle K. He pulled in to use the gas pump near him and asked how we like it here. He should’ve asked when he was leaving, but he didn’t want to be too chatty with the dude and give him the wrong idea. Meaning that we don’t want him to think he can just drop by for coffee whenever he feels like it or anything like that.

Again I saw those big lizards that live in front under the bush I thought Gophie lived in. If she did live there, she doesn’t live there now. It looks like there’s one adult and two babies that live there. The adult is about 1½ feet long with a dotted body and striped tail. Today I finally got a good picture of it too, which Tom was quite impressed with. He looked it up online and found a picture of it. It’s not a Gila monster. It’s a desert iguana. It’s not venomous, either. Gila monsters are supposed to be as poisonous as rattlesnakes.

The baby rats are growing day by day, but they’re still too small for the regular rat cage. I let Ratsy visit with them at times. Ratsy and Fudgie have really hit it off and they love to play together.

As for the mice, I’m just not meant to breed them. What? You mean first we can’t breed ourselves and now we can’t breed mice? Well, I don’t know what’s wrong here, but these mice would’ve had to have babies by now if they were going to. Freddie’s definitely a male, Oreo and Butter Rum are definitely females, they’re said to be in heat every other day and carry for only 3 weeks, so I guess it’s just not meant to be.

Now that I’m back on a schedule, I have mixed emotions about it. It’s different when you don’t absolutely have to be on a schedule and when you don’t have to check out of a hotel at a set time. I want to be on a schedule cuz it’d match Tom’s, and so I can sleep at night with less risk of being woken up, but I don’t want the pressure, the time frames, and the alarm clocks to deal with, either. For now, I’m just taking it day by day till my appointment rolls around and till they start booming in the sky again.

Yesterday and the day before, an out-of-area call came in the afternoon that I answered because I thought it could be Tom. On the first call, I heard nothing. On the second call, someone was definitely there, although I never heard any voices, breathing, or anything. Just someone trying to hang up, but being the little phone expert I am, I know you can’t just hang up on someone you call if they don’t hang up. You have to hold your receiver down for about half a minute before you can lose the person you called. Tom said it was probably a wrong number and that people often don’t speak when they realize they’ve dialed the wrong number. I think it was pesky sales, but why the silent treatment - who knows?

Two days ago a guy with a clipboard came to the door in regular clothes, saying something about working for or with the phone company. Then he read off the date we had our pole put in and wanted to know the address for records because of owing money or something like that. Tom asked if he was casing, asking weird questions like how many people live here, etc., but nope. Just the address. If he had asked that, I would’ve told him to mind his own fucking business and to get off our property before I made him wish he’d never set foot on it in the first place. He was probably legit, but for all I know, it could’ve been some bullshit plot set up by the cops for something someone did to the blacks or Mexicans that they were going to try pinning on me. I can’t be the only enemy those people had/have. Those kinds of people attract tons of enemies, and it’d be convenient for them to point a finger at me, say if their house was torched and they didn’t know who did it, cuz they made sure to get me on record for “biasing” them. Even Mr. Bias couldn’t see that I was the victim, but I don’t think he wanted to. Hey, what do you expect? He wasn’t white, either.

I have a new crush. Her name’s Carol Kane and she’s an actress. Surprisingly, she’s another blue-eyed blond. All I know about her is that she’s going to be 48, she’s 5‘2”, was born in Cleveland and moved to New York at age 10. I haven’t found anything saying she’s ever been married or had kids. She used to smoke, and is rather obscure and unpopular, even though she’s made over 70 TV appearances between series and movies. I never heard of her myself till I saw her recently in a movie called Office Killer. It was actually in a series from the 70s that I noticed she looked great in, but she didn’t look that great in Office Killer because her role was that of a mousy, conservative geek. She looked better at the end of the movie when she let her hair down and took off her glasses.