My Citrus Heights viewer who was definitely, definitely NOT me, hasn’t been around in a few days.

I had dreams of winning but awoke to find not one single win notice in my inbox. Guess I’m only allowed to be psychic these days when things aren’t going well. Either way, if I don’t do some serious winning soon enough and start winning more than chips and T-shirts, I’m going to shut down both my Twitter and Pinterest accounts. It would suck too, cuz I always felt that that was my main way of contributing, as funny as it may sound. If it’s true that God picks and chooses our illnesses, injuries and conditions – well – first He sicced one on me that kept me from adding an additional income to our household, and now you mean He’s gone and taken my winnings, too? I was winning cash and prizes that compared to a decent part-time job, and I know my husband loves me unconditionally and that I contribute enough just taking care of the house, but still… must I lose that, too? There are other ways to make money but not like that. No one’s gonna give me 9 grand to tell them what something means in Spanish. They’re not going to send me on a Caribbean cruise for reviewing their business either.

Well, I can’t win and I can’t have my disability benefits reinstated which are so rightfully mine, but I am immensely thankful that Tom is unlike other men. No man wants his wife at home these days. No man. Not unless she has a “visible” or “normal” condition that most people have heard of, and even then they often turn against them. If the woman can’t bring in the dough the same as he can, then he’s not interested. That’s just today’s marriage rules for you; instead of staying home with kids, you skip the kids and go to work. Well, I skipped the kids, so can I please start winning big again?

According to what Tom read, the cost of housing has soared in this area faster and higher than anywhere else in the country. Had we waited any longer we may’ve been forced to settle for another dumpy old single-wide despite all the money we had. Going from someone else’s shit single-wide to our own in an area that forbids barking, blasting music and other annoyances, would’ve been better than nothing, but how much of a step up would that really have been compared to this? I’m kind of surprised God didn’t help stall things even more so that we would have to continue living so poorly. He seemed to really enjoy seeing us do that year after year anyway. That’s ok, though, cuz while He may’ve denied me many things in life, I have denied Him myself. A small loss when you consider that there are 7 billion people in the world and that what I think of Him obviously isn’t important to Him, but I still like the thought of knowing I turned my back against Him same as I would any human being that treated or allowed me to be treated unjustly and unfairly. And guess what? I’m never walking back. I’m gone for good.

But what in the world has been on our side blessing us with good things these last few years??? Whatever/whoever it was that helped save us a couple of years ago couldn’t have been my parents or my foster mother as they were still alive at that time. Tom’s dad? Our grandparents? Or was it just a coincidence that we got a job and out of that trailer just in the nick of time?