I’ve ended my friendship with Alison who, BTW, is good buddies with BOTH Kim and Molly after leading me to believe otherwise, and who is probably also still friends with Kathy as well.

Before I get into these phony liars and their twisted web of deceit, now that we got the right tools AND damn good paint (Glidden), we finished painting Tom’s office and it looks great. Yeah, you can still see the “sand” underneath the paint that we’ll never use again, but otherwise, we have a nice, even beautiful pale shade of lavender. We love it! Gonna get new drapes for that room eventually in either plum or ivory.

It really helped to get a roller brush with a longer nap, other brushes, plus a thing that makes pouring the paint easier and less messy. We also got painter’s tape and this little bucket thingy that has a compartment you pour paint in when climbing up to the ceiling to do the edging, plus a smaller compartment for your brush. Once it all came back to Tom, since we haven’t painted since we left Phoenix in 1999, and we had the proper tools, it went very fast. If God hadn’t slammed so many fucking doors in my face by cursing me with this type of sleep disorder, I can see myself enjoying painting people’s homes. It’s a lot like coloring, only you have a very big coloring book. I’m pretty good at it, though I had a hard time keeping the roller steady at first. I think it’s most important not to settle for cheap paint. Cheap paint without primer requires more than one coat and doesn’t go on evenly. If we do any touch-ups later on, say if we scuff the wall with something, it won’t look streaky or uneven. That’s another cool thing he got was this little tube you pour paint in with a mini roller brush on the end that sort of resembles the wheel of an office chair. This is for touching up later on. We’ll eventually have one in each color we use.

I slept until noon and went out running. I jogged the way down and mostly walked the way back. Hopefully, my hips and thighs won’t be sore. It’s gotta be what’s keeping my weight from climbing even more cuz I haven’t been dieting worth shit lately. I never should’ve sat on my ass and got so lazy with the physical activity like I did the year before moving since I keep everything I gain. At this age, what comes on simply doesn’t come back off, so if I don’t want to go from 30 pounds overweight to 50 or more, I gotta keep running. I like the way it makes me feel regardless. I have more energy, stamina and endurance. Still don’t have the range of mobility I used to have, but we do lose our flexibility as we age and gain weight. It is nice to know we still have some control. No, I’ll never be thin again, but I also won’t have a face like Kim’s so bloated that it practically swallows my nose and lips. Yeah, I – uh – uhem – I can be mean, too.

There are a lot of things I could do and say where the chummy little threesome is concerned, but I’d like to take the more mature approach to the situation by simply writing about what happened in my journal just like I would in the pre-internet days, then be done with it and move on. You see, my husband is the only smart one in this household. He has no friends at all. Not because he’s unlikable, and not because anything’s keeping him from going out and making them, but because he simply has no desire to socialize. Hell, I’m not a social butterfly either. At least I never was in person. In cyberspace, though, I’ve really gotten around, finding it fascinating to meet all different kinds of people in different parts of the world. My being multilingual has made this even easier to do. But it’s also caused me unnecessary headaches that I could certainly do without.

Andy said he finds it sad Tom has no friends and this totally baffles me. Why be sad for someone who is happy to be the way he is? If you want to be sad for someone, be sad for some poor miserable soul like Kim who hates herself so damn much that she can’t stand to be herself and therefore must pretend to be others. Be sad for the guy who has a heart of gold but can’t get a girlfriend cuz he’s fat, ugly and bald. Not someone who chooses to be what suits them best and makes them happiest. That’s like a straight person feeling sad for a gay person. I mean, why bother? Because what makes the straight person happy doesn’t make the gay person happy, too? Because it’s not “normal?” Well, others can do what they want and we always try not to judge others for how they choose to live, but we have no desire to stick to the “norms.” If it works for us, why change it, normal or not?

Another reason Tom doesn’t have a network of online friends is that he’s never really been interested in doing things that puts him in the public spotlight. Andy and I are into things where anyone can find and contact us easily enough. Tom doesn’t blog or care for sites like Ask or Twitter. He has some accounts because he may need them to enter contests, but his main online activities include games, TV and the news. No one’s put any chains on him. If he decides to make friends on or offline, he can. Meanwhile, as long as no one’s being harmed, people should have the right to do what they want. Do I feel guilty for looking out for myself by not being too sociable? Absolutely not.

What Andy did say that makes sense is that it’s better to make friends in person cuz online you don’t know what’s going on. He has a point there, but it’s also easier to cut ties with those who don’t live near you. So while I don’t care to “switch” to in-person friends, he is right about that much. Cyberspace is like walking through the woods at night. You never know what’s hiding behind the tree you’re about to pass by.

I haven’t been open to new friends for about a year now, it’s been working great for me, and if someone wants to get all sad about that and not for some poor innocent child dying of cancer or something, fine. I make no apologies for how I am, as always.

Anyway, after what I recently learned, I can kind of understand Andy’s trust issues and his desire to remain alone. Right now I am questioning almost everyone and everything I know, and I too, and wondering what/who I can believe. I’m tempted to drop everyone I never actually met in person, but I can’t see myself doing that to Nane, Adonis, Paul and others. Not unless they give me a reason to. This is getting kinda long, so let me post it, then I’ll finish the rest of the story when I have time. LOL, poor suckers have probably been stewing in nervous anticipation of just what I may write and when.

Later…

Ok, to finish the Aly and trolls saga. Will I post sensitive info? No, I won’t. Will I hold back from telling it like it is? No, I won’t. If they have a problem with that then they should’ve thought about this up front, and they should stop reading my blog, too. But sadly, while I may be done with them, I’m sure they’ll follow my every word and movement for life. I just wonder (and worry) how bad Aly’s going to become. She’s not crazy like Kim and Molly. She’s actually very intelligent. So hopefully, regardless of how hard she may take my discovering her lies and being dumped, she won’t lash out in ways that’ll annoy the shit out of me till she either gets sick of it or gets herself in trouble. I don’t think she will, but then again, I didn’t think Kim would turn on me the way she has either. Time will tell, but I’d like to think she won’t be a problem as far as trying to contact me goes.

I’m not perfect. I’ve made mistakes. But I always try to be a good, honest person and do the right thing, especially when it comes to those who have always been good and honest with me in return. I know that while God may or may not be for real, along with the afterlife, karma is for real. Therefore, I’d rather just end it with someone who’s wronged me rather than seek revenge on them. I’m too busy for that anyway. I hope they’ll do the same in return with me, but if not they’ll be the ones to deal with the consequences in the end more so than I ever will. Aly may be FBI, but I’m psychic. :) Not a threat; just a fact.

Then again, is she? Is she really with the FBI? Is Alison her real name? Does she really live in the state she says she lives in? Is she really the age she says she is?

There is nothing that shakes the very foundation of one’s ability to trust more than finding out you thought you knew someone that you really didn’t know at all. I can tell you she’s smart. I can tell you she’s a good writer. But at this point, I can’t tell anything else.

What is it with people? They lie, they cheat, they can’t accept you as you are, they judge you, they two-face you, they betray you, they try to control and change you, they stab you in the back, they pretend to be who they aren’t, etc. So… if we’re not presently friends, I don’t want to know you, and again, I make no apologies for doing what I feel is best for me. We bomb our homes to keep bugs away without regrets. Well, I’m closing doors to future friends to keep bullshit away… also with no regrets. :) The fewer friends the better. The more friends the more you get caught up in people’s bullshit.

I’m just glad I didn’t give Aly our exact address. The reason for this is because we’ve never been pen pals and I never expected us to be. Therefore, if anyone hacked her email account, my address wouldn’t be included. She could probably find out exactly where we live if she really wanted to, and while I used to worry about others having our address, I realize that’s a silly fear. What could they do with it? Come visit me? Send me a dead rat? Wish some of them would come visit me!

Anyway, to cut to the chase, I cut ties with Kim over a year ago for two facing me. She’d be sweet and kind to my face while dishing all kinds of hate and insults anonymously till I finally caught her at it. She would also lie to others I knew and eventually, I couldn’t tell fact from fiction and so I let her go. When I confronted her on my way out she reacted with a classic guilty reaction by deactivating the account she harassed me from, blocking me on others, and then trying to turn it around and make it look like I was the one bothering her. I thought that like most people, she’d eventually calm down and move on. Instead, she has been stalking and harassing me every chance she gets. She stalks more than she harasses, though, cuz I do my best to make it harder for people to contact me. I suppose I should open as many doors as I can to this crazy bunch, as the more unwanted shit that gets archived, the more they could get in trouble for it, but I’d rather not bother right now. Waste of time.

I guess I’m not going to finish what happened in this post either. Maybe next time!

Later…

Let me sum it up in a nutshell as to why I cut ties with Alison, then I’ll expand from there. She led me to believe that she dumped both Kim and Molly ages ago for harassing her. She told me she gets the “occasional” email from Molly, but that’s it. She even (supposedly) created an account as Kim and with Kim’s pic, which I believed was retaliation for her constant prying eyes, lies, phoniness and harassment.

And then I found it. Numerous accounts of both hers and Kim’s and even one that’s connected to Molly. Yes, Aly, Kim and Molly are ALL damn good buds and it appears they’ve been this way for some time now, especially Aly and Kim. They’re probably still buddies with Kathy too, even though the only one that supposedly is still her friend is Kim.

As I told Aly directly, it isn’t who she’s friends with that’s a problem. She has a right to pick and choose her own friends. It’s the fact that she’s lied to me about it, along with other things. Some things I can’t prove, but I trust what my gut tells me. In fact, I could kick myself for not listening to it sooner. I’ve had my doubts and suspicions on and off where Aly’s concerned, starting when I caught her telling Kim on Twitter that I was only telling Kim I had the cops after her to scare her off. This was supposedly to get Kim’s ass off of hers and to calm her down. By giving me away like that? Oh please! Just fucking please! I was horrified to see that. What a fucking traitor, I thought, but sure enough, she had her perfect little explanation waiting and ready to fire at me and I was dumb enough to fall for it. I guess back then I chose to see the good in Aly and I didn’t want to give that good side up. But now there’s been too many lies that have left me with too many doubts and suspicions. I have to let her go, good side or not.

I also have reason to believe she was behind the Karli M account and she was the one accusing me of harassing Molly and writing like Adonis. Kim wouldn’t be smart enough to do that, but she would be. I always suspected Kim had help in that one. I just never thought it would be from the person that was supposed to be my friend and that I thought I could trust. Kim and Molly may be crazy, but Alison and Kathy aren’t. Kathy’s mean and Alison, apparently, is a liar. Why the hell would someone tell you they think of calling someone’s local PD all the while being friends with them??? She hates her, she loves her, she likes her… I can’t figure her out anymore. I just can’t.

I also realize that she could’ve very well been involved in some of the harassment I’ve received on Ask as well as harmless questions she was, for some reason, afraid to let me know were from her. Maybe she’s the one who asked why I think racism is overrated. The point is that if she can two-face Kim by being buddies with her on Twitter while making fun of her in an account in her name, she can be doing the same thing to me. I don’t give a shit what they do in my name or what they say or write about me as long as they stay away from me, but as I told her, it’s gotten to the point that I can’t tell what’s real anymore. The lies, the excuses, the phoniness… I don’t need the drama. She’s killed the trust I had in her and frankly, I don’t know that I could believe a damn thing she says. Friendship must be based on trust and if there’s no trust, there’s no friendship. At least not for me. I have enough self-respect for myself to pull away from those I’ve caught in lies.

I guess that just like some women are drawn to abusive men, some people are drawn to toxic friends. She chose to tweet multiple times a day, every day to this proven lying, phony, obsessive stalker while ignoring me, someone who’s always been good to her and honest with her, for days on end. That alone tells me what kinds of “friends” she prefers to have.

She said that while she’s made mistakes and feels bad about it, I believe/see the worst in her, but it’s not a matter of what I believe; it’s what I see. It’s what she’s proven to me. I’m not just guessing anymore or suspecting she may be lying and maybe even into worse things than just saying she’s not friends with those she is friends with. Take the constant changing of accounts and email addresses for example. That’s usually a sign of someone trying to cover their tracks, but I was dumb enough to fall for her line of “I’m trying to escape and hide from so and so” or “I lost my PW and don’t remember the email for that account or “I just can’t log in.”

It all began when I went hunting for some of the dozens and dozens of Kim accounts on Twitter to block them. Sure I knew she’d just create new ones, but why make it easier for her? It was when I stumbled upon one of Kim’s Glee fan accounts that I found one she tweeted to and thought, hmm… that seems like a name and avatar Aly would use. When I realized it was indeed her I was a little upset but my first thought was she was only following Kim to see what shit she may be up to without letting her know who she really was. But when I saw that she mentioned her interests, her location, her cat, every single suspicion I’ve had about her, if only for a fleeting moment, went flashing through my mind and I said, “Ok, we’re done. We’re definitely done now.” Then when I found another account of Aly’s that’s connected to both Kim and Molly, I said, “Ok, we’re doubly done. No doubt about it.”

There were tweets about setting up accounts on MO and MM, whatever the fuck that means. Anyone know what MM is? Molly also said something to the effect of pretending to be Jodi. I asked Tom if I could go down for any accounts they created in my name that they either made threats from or did anything illegal from, and he said no. So fine, let them entertain themselves. If anything, Aly made escaping the other trolls easier for me cuz now there’s no connection to them. But she can have the fuckers. If she feels crazy liars are better for her, hey, it’s a woman’s prerogative, right?

Aly told me she was happier spending more time offline and I would often go days without hearing from her. In reality, she’s been scrabbling her little heart out and tweeting away with Kim daily, who she says that when you look beyond her obsessive ways is not that bad. Not that bad? Not that bad?!?! I guess we have a different definition of what’s not that bad, but being sweet and kind to one’s face while anonymously insulting them seems bad enough to me. So is telling lie after lie and impersonating others.

When I messaged Aly about the creation of the Karli account, she amazingly replied to me with perfect timing. You know, after supposedly being offline for days? Of course she denied it was her, and maybe it wasn’t. But I don’t doubt she at least knew about it and was behind leaving Molly comments as Adonis. Like a fool, though, I took her word for it when she denied any involvement.

There are other little things along the way that I thought were weird or that didn’t quite make sense, but that is for my next entry. My, my, I’m on a roll with the writing tonight, aren’t I?

Later…

I don’t wish any harm to Alison and her little friends. Just that she and the demented others leave me alone. What I mean by “leave me alone” is not contact me. I don’t want any messages, tweets, emails, questions, friend requests or comments. If they want to write stories, lies and blogs all about me, fine. Just as long as they stay away from me and let me move on even if they can’t. Kim and Molly especially have proven to feel nothing but contempt for me anyway so why focus on me then?

Despite feeling hurt, angry and betrayed by Alison’s… what would I call it, double life? Double side? Either way, it’s not like I hope she gets run over by a bus or anything like that. The others can stuff an exhaust pipe up their asses and go for the ride of their lives for all I care, but for some reason, I don’t feel that kind of animosity toward Aly. Perhaps because we had a friendship in the midst of the lies. We had something. Molly and I were never friends and Kim and I didn’t have shit either. We couldn’t build the kind of relationship Aly and I had or have the kinds of chats we had cuz they weren’t intelligent enough. Dealing with Kim and Molly was like dealing with children. They couldn’t do things like catch errors in my stories because they wouldn’t know what to look for. Aly notices things others don’t. And while a part of me will miss Aly who I once considered one of my absolute best of cyber friends, I will remember the good times and that’s it. I don’t regret what we had, I’m just sorry she felt she had to deceive me like she did. I really thought she cared about me as much as I cared about her. I loved the hell outa her. Not in that way, of course, but I must’ve felt something. I hung on long after she outed my intentions to Kim and I began to suspect other things she may not have been truthful about.

I’m sure if I let her “explain” this one she’d be quick to tell me something like how she’s investigating Kim or is just doing this to keep her off her ass. Being friends with her didn’t keep her off my ass. There she was all lovey-dovey to my face just to let me know what she really thought of me anonymously. Very mean, crazy, hateful person.

And Molly – ugh! Like an idiot, I gave her one of Kim’s Twitter account links on Ask thinking I was doing her a favor and that they weren’t friends, and asked her not to post it. Sure enough, the dumb shit goes and posts it anyway saying, “Wow, she must be bored.” rolls eyes Fucking idiot. Always has been, always will be.

Back to the “intelligent” troll, though I honestly don’t think Alison qualifies for being labeled as a troll. Just a liar and a traitor. The strangest story Aly ever told me was that someone hacked one of Kim’s Facebook fan pages and used that account to message her sister Carol to tell her just how fucked up Kim is. I immediately thought that was weird. Who the hell else would Kim happen to know that happens to be able to hack accounts like Aly can that would contact the sister? Why not just go directly to the sister from their own account?

It isn’t just the big things like finding she’s friends with the trolls, but the subtle contradictions as well. One time I had her run a trace on an email address for me and she said something about having her own way of looking up either email addies or IPs, but recently she told me she didn’t know much about IPs.

As I reflected on the lies I’ve caught her in and the suspicions I have that I can’t prove but am probably right about, I realized the impact it could have on me later on down the road. People sometimes bide their time to look less obvious, then they strike with a vengeance. Again, I’m not saying Aly will harm me in any way, but if she really is with the FBI, well, that may not be like being God, but that’s probably runner-up to the US Marshals. If she were just a regular pig, that’d be one thing. Local cops are state. But the FBI is federal and the feds have a lot more flexibility, which means a lot more potential for abuse of power. She’s supposedly an analyst and not an actual agent, but close enough. She’s also had hacking training for her former job. Now someone somewhere knew it was me who left some comments on MO. They were so damn sure of it. They “know their way around sites,” they said. Well, the only way to know it was me would be to hack MO and read their visitor log. Would Aly take such risks all for the identity of a commenter? I guess that’s for her to know and me to wonder. Still, has she hacked any of my accounts without me knowing it? Tom says anyone can get a hold of programs that the FBI uses to crack PWs of those they’re investigating. Even he has one. He used it for some documents he had online that were encrypted.

Time will tell what if anything happens. I’m sure they’re not going to show up on my tracker, and whatever happens, I will deal with it accordingly. I’d like to think Aly wouldn’t mess with my accounts, but as she herself says on Twitter, she’s all about having fun and exploring her boundaries. Well, she reached the limit as far as the boundaries of our friendship go, so now we’ll see if she stretches the boundaries of the law or not… and I will be waiting and ready to deal with it if she does.

When I made my last check of their tweets (no, I’m not going to peak in after tonight cuz I don’t care to follow those I dislike) there was Aly and of course her buddy Kim, too. That one ran because that’s what she always does when she’s confronted. She probably just blocked me instead of deactivated, though. The skitzo literally has hundreds of accounts. Aly said something about making decisions tomorrow. Well, there’s nothing to decide where I’m concerned. We’re done. I’m just a memory for her now.

Another thing that sucks is that my secret accounts obviously aren’t the secrets I thought they were as far as the trolls go. If Aly hasn’t done so already she could give her beloved trolls my email addy and links to other accounts that I don’t want them to know about. Just how “secret” is the Ask account I use to keep in touch with Andy? He offered to change accounts, but nah, they’ll only find it if they really want to. Kim and Molly probably wouldn’t have brains enough to find it, but Aly would.

The thought of me thinking that Aly was my friend while secretly laughing at the games she and the trolls were playing (or at least games she knew the trolls were playing with me) really pisses the shit out of me.

At first I thought of shutting down all my accounts and creating new ones, but I’m not running. I haven’t done anything wrong and so there’s no reason to hide. If I shut down accounts in the future it will be for reasons not connected to them. If I allow anonymous comments round the clock, that too, will have nothing to do with them.

Alison could probably find any account I create, and why block any of theirs? They’ll only create new ones.

I think she probably is with the FBI based on what I’ve seen and read. Her name, location and age are probably real, but everything else is hit or miss.

Do I really need any more hit-or-miss friends in my life?