"Andy doubts Alison is with the FBI," Tom informed me. "If she were, she wouldn’t associate with such crazy trolls."

These trolls have a history dating back to before Alison joined the FBI. They all met on kiwibox.com, where I also first encountered Alison. I met her in 2008, a few years after she connected with the others.

Despite Tom's skepticism about Alison's FBI affiliation, I'm inclined to believe she is. It's a gut feeling based on what I've observed and what she's disclosed to me. However, it does seem peculiar for an FBI analyst to have such unconventional friends, especially one who struggles to follow through on tasks like Alison does. I was excited about the prospect of us blogging together on Prosebox, but true to form, she abandoned the account after just one entry. Even her Kim M account only managed one post, and I've never read one of her stories in its entirety. She always promises to send more but never follows through. It seems she can't seem to finish anything she starts… unless that's part of the game.

Regardless, I've severed ties with her on as many accounts as I could think of. Now, she'll either move on and forget about me, or she'll cause trouble for me and eventually herself.

I paused typing to delve into some investigation of my own. Upon reflection, I'm now questioning whether Kim truly texted Molly as her. I suspect it was actually Aly herself. Why would Alison befriend someone capable of such deceit if she genuinely believed Kim had impersonated her?

It's no wonder she used her real name on the Twitter account I was connected to. Initially, I found it odd for someone supposedly stalked to do so, when it would have been just as easy to use an alias. But they're friends. She wanted to be found. While they may have had their disagreements and fallouts, she's likely been friends with both trolls for most of the time she's known them and likely always will be.

I stumbled upon screenshots on Photobucket of Molly's old Kiwibox accounts. I remember those accounts; the site was on its last legs when I learned of Molly's existence through posts on KB. She reached out to me after the site underwent ownership changes and became something entirely different. From the onset, I sensed something was amiss when she, a complete stranger, wanted to discuss being raped. She denied ever being on KB or being Alison's friend. I wasn't equipped to handle rape victims, and I could tell something wasn't right. Initially, I tried to extricate myself gently, then firmly, but nothing worked. On a scorching summer day in 2009, Molly ensnared me, becoming a tool to reach Aly, the object of her obsession.

I also met Kim and Kathy through Alison, not on KB. Every individual I've met through Alison has turned out to be utterly unhinged. I recently had a dream where Alison wanted to introduce me to someone, and I screamed, "NOOOOO!!!" I would indeed refuse. They'd be completely insane. I was likely the only sane friend she had, and now that I'm gone, she's adrift amidst a sea of madness, but it seems that's what she prefers.

Anyway, the screenshots mostly consisted of Molly lamenting in her journal about not having wronged Alison, Kim, and Kathy, then expressing regret for hurting them, etc. Will she take screenshots of my journals next? LOL. When you put something out there in the public, it's fair game.

I uncovered a slew of accounts on various social networking sites, as expected, but nothing particularly thrilling. I had forgotten about the old spring.me account until I stumbled upon hers. I was connected to that.

I hadn't realized she was much heavier than me. I'm pretty heavy now, in the 140s, but she isn't anymore if she genuinely underwent cancer treatment. I believe she did. Nonetheless, she used to be significantly larger. Despite that, she has a pleasant face and great hair. Her hair is probably her best feature. I wish I had straight hair like hers.

Anyway, I couldn't confirm whether she's with the FBI, but she is definitely AKP in the state of Nebraska and 32 years old.

I've been editing my own journals (the parts I posted online) to make them more readable for others. When I wrote them, I wrote solely for myself, never envisioning I'd share them with the world someday. Consequently, I often omitted details or explanations.

The Japanese anime dolls arrived from China the other day. They're unlike any dolls I've had before, more akin to miniature figurines. These are my first dolls since 2008, shortly after moving into the trailer.

Later...

From Mya: First of all, Alison isn't with the FBI because she wouldn’t have merely "thought" of calling Kim’s local police department or contacting Kim’s family; she would've taken action. The FBI holds significant authority, Jodi. Let go of the FBI idea. It was just another one of her tales. But should you really be discarding an otherwise good friendship? No one's perfect; we all tell little fibs here and there.

Mya is absolutely right. Look, I'm not perfect, and I've said and done things both online and offline that I shouldn't have. I don't deny that. I was the one who initially toyed with Molly on MO. But here's the thing, no one is that psychic. Alison KNEW it was me. The only way she could have known that would be to hack the site. I'm not saying she did hack in, but it definitely makes me wonder. How else could she have known? And as Mya pointed out, the only legitimate concern I should have is the possibility of being hacked, but that's a risk we all face. Anyone's account can be hacked by someone willing to risk jail, fines, and whatever else they may face for it, depending on local laws. I don’t worry she’ll hack my account to do anything malicious. She's not going to hack into my Facebook account to tell Nane I hate her. She might do things out of curiosity that she feels I wouldn't know about. Some of my accounts would be hard for her (or anyone) to hack without me knowing, but if she did manage to weasel into anything without tipping me off, I think it would be just to spy on me out of curiosity. I have nothing to hide, but I still don’t like the idea of anyone accessing my accounts without my permission. That's like someone entering my home without my consent.

Whether times were good or not, I can't continue being friends with someone who could lie to me as she has. It's not her association with the trolls that made me realize the good times aren't worth the high school drama that comes with it; it's the lies. Again, we all pull pranks, but on our friends? I was supposed to be her friend, and I'm sorry, but the kind of prank she pulled on me was just not friendly. She and Kim almost caused me to break up with Adonis over it, for God's sake. That alone really pisses me off. There are certain types of pranks you just don’t pull on your friends, you know? The kind of stuff she's pulled on me is usually reserved for those you don't like. But maybe she never really did like me, and she just pretended to, like Kim did. It's hard to believe, but anything's possible.

Anyway, it's the definite lies and the probable hacking that I have a problem with; not her choice of friends. Who people choose to have as friends and how many of them is up to them. I'm not concerned with that. But I am a bit concerned about those who seem to be worried about my own friend count. Why should it bother them? I just don't understand why they care. I'm happy this way. Get over it and accept me as I am. The more I'm hassled into being what others want me to be, the more I tend to pull away.

Andy said he's had friends he's never had disagreements with, and so have I, but what happened between Alison and me goes beyond a simple disagreement. A disagreement is when one says it’s hot while the other says it’s cold. This is about lies and deception. Also, we can't always know upfront who's going to end up wronging us.

I think I deserve better than liars and nutjobs, and I also don't appreciate being judged for how I choose to live. I'm not saying I am, but I'll be the one to decide who I'm friends with, whether it's online or offline. Got it? I'm not going to let others try to control and change me. I can't please the world, and I shouldn't have to. My health and happiness should be what's most important, and nothing else. If it's not, then maybe you're the one who's not happy, and maybe criticizing others makes you happy. I was criticized when I was miserable, and I'll be criticized when I'm happy. That's just life. The world is always going to be full of control freaks who expect us to conform to their liking. I could come back tomorrow and say, "Hey, everybody! I made new in-person friends, lost 30 pounds, and got a job," and then they would just find something else to feel “sad” about, even if it makes me (and Tom) happy. Well, guess what? I'm not going to take a “wish list” of everybody’s hopes and desires for me/us and become that list! Live with it or don’t have anything to do with me. Yes, yes, the color of your socks is very important to me, and I’m going to cry a bucket of tears if you tell me they’re gray! *rolls eyes*

It's not just about trust issues, though. It's true that part of my desire to keep the friends I have and not make new ones is because there are a lot of jerks out there. I don't want to get burned to the point where I become so insecure that I can't even trust my own husband or best friends when they tell me they have a headache or ate a pizza the day before.

Also, even if everyone were suddenly perfect, I simply have no desire to make new friends any more than I have the desire to take up golf. I have enough long-distance and mutual friends, and I can only divide my attention between so many people anyway. I would still prefer to make new friends that I had no mutual friends with than to do the friend-mixing thing if I absolutely had to choose. That can really, really be asking for trouble.

I don't expect any of my friends to be perfect, but I don't appreciate being lied to either. I'm not 100% sure Aly was behind the comments and accounts, but I'm pretty close. I'm in the upper 90s in that case. Too many coincidences, and I don't believe in coincidences. Another thing was the instant access to MO she claimed wasn't possible before. She told me she was using some crappy laptop that wouldn't let her on MO, but then she conveniently happened to be at work borrowing a coworker's laptop at the time I notified her of the Karli M account, and she was suddenly, miraculously able to see it. Wow, huh? Wow! And I should see the good side of her? Sorry, but she's blocking that side from view with a bit too much bad if you ask me.

I wonder just how closely she’s followed all my blogs, private and not. Honestly, I didn’t think she was that interested in it to follow it that often. I thought she just peeked in every now and then, as rarely did she show up on sites I can track. I really believed she was this incredibly busy person who spent little time online, but her Twitter account (she’s probably got it hidden by now) says otherwise. She’s online on and off all day and seems to have a lot of time on her hands. I don’t know if it’s with a friend’s device at work, a laptop, a desktop, or an iPhone, but online is online no matter how you get there.

Couldn’t resist a peek at one of Aly’s Twitter accounts where she tweets: "Each one of us has more layers and sides than we'll ever know. If you can honestly live with happiness and limited regrets then be thankful."

Is she saying she can’t live with happiness? Well, she is always miserable in the emails she sends, be it with some physical ailment or depression, but maybe that’s how she’s always been and maybe she likes it that way.

This and other tweets of hers suggest she read last night’s rant, but she’s either going to the blog that can’t be tracked or she’s dodging trackers. I just made both MD diaries private. Now the only way to follow me is to be tracked or deal with dodging trackers. I have a very strong feeling that the trolls aren’t going to have the guts to show up on my tracker. Molly gladly will. She likes being seen and rubbing her unwanted presence in my face, but there’s no way Kim or even Aly would at this point. I’ll be watching, though, and we’ll see. We’ll also see what kiddy shit they dish at me on Ask, too. I can’t wait. Meanwhile, things have been oddly quiet in Shitville all day and night. The calm before the storm?

Later…

I’m being mean to the rats tonight, LOL, and keeping them in the laundry room instead of out here in the living room with me. I love the hell out of them, but these guys just get too rambunctious, noisy, clingy, and desperate for attention. They really are a lot like dogs. They don’t bark, they don’t need shots, they don’t need to be taken outside to poop and pee, but their behavior and other needs are basically the same. I guess any animal of intelligence would thrive on human companionship as well as that of their own kind, but sometimes I just need a break from all the begging and the way they go wild and love to run around the place and distract me when I’m trying to write or do other things.

Sugar was funny as hell the other night. I had been busy with the painting all day, finally let him out to get some exercise, along with his roommate who has become much braver and friendlier since winning him his beloved feather wand, and he took off chasing me. He tried to jump up and grab my leg, then as soon as I hit the floor he leaped onto me and was wagging his tail and licking my face as if he hadn’t seen me in years. I hate to see how he’ll react when we return from Hawaii. I just know that when we’re there that will be the only time I’ll wish these rats weren’t that exciting like Bendejo and his brother that we had before Tink.

Tom spent most of the day rearranging the workshop and gutting old shelves and drawers that he doesn’t want. For now, they are being stored on the patio located behind the workshop till they do the next bulk pickup. We have an enclosed but roofless patio back there that’s great for storing things that aren’t valuable. It’s where we keep our bikes and stuff like that. So it’s like having two storerooms, one indoors, one outdoors.

No hip pain after yesterday’s run, but my front thigh muscles sure are sore. I still don’t get why they get so sore so easily. I didn’t overdo it or anything like that, so I guess I am just getting old.