I’m still torn between going public and staying mostly hidden from the trolls that have stalked, followed, pestered and harassed me in the past with their craziness, delusions and paranoia sometimes to the point that I actually contemplated going directly to their door and making them go away since it didn’t seem to sink in in print. 

I don’t want to feel like they’re controlling me by making me run and hide, especially when I’m not the one doing anything wrong, but I also don’t want to give them the satisfaction of reading my stuff either. IDK, though, maybe it’s time to stop caring about what satisfaction these trolls may be getting. After all, I don’t care about them as a whole, so why should I care about their feelings and desires? I’ll just keep it less than convenient to actually contact me. In other words, they can look but they can’t touch. 

I just don’t like being controlled or feeling like I’m being controlled. The more society pushes me left, the more it makes me want to go right. The more this country says I don’t really have any freedom of speech, the more I want to speak my mind. The more it tells me it’s “politically incorrect” to admit or feel guilty for not liking certain groups or types of people, the more I want to admit that yes, I’m human deep down just like you. I love some people. I like some people. And I even hate some people. 

I have, however, deleted some of the shit the trolls put me through from my blogs because I saw them as an unwanted part of the blogs. Everything stays in Word offline, but sometimes I don’t want certain people to have the honor of being mentioned in blogs. Especially those I never wanted in my life to begin with. Some of them aren’t people I was once friends with, but that I never wanted to be friends with. They inserted themselves into my life until I got fed up enough to remove them by pulling myself as out of reach as I could without turning my online life upside down and inside out. 

Later… 

Aly emailed me today and told me she actually had a herpes skin infection (at least the doctors are now pretty sure that’s what she had), and that that wasn’t something she felt comfortable saying in public. I can’t understand that much. Her doctors don’t know how the hell she got it, and she’s never heard of it before. Neither have I. 

She floated me the link to Molly's pathetic Thoughts blog. I'm surprised this 2-year-old blog still exists even though it only contains about 30 entries. Same old miserable shit. She’s hopelessly in love with a guy who doesn’t want her, she wishes the director would kick those out that steal her snacks, she’s missing Alison, she doesn’t understand why she doesn’t like her, and she’s in a foul mood. 

She's also online much more than I realized. How is she managing not to look in on me more often? That must take an amazing amount of strength for her. Could she be coming in undetected some of the time? Avoiding detection has never been her thing, but you never know. Definitely was her from her hometown who looked in on me and not her mother. She confirmed going home in her blog around that same time. 

Nutjob has another blog on Blogger. I don’t know how old the blog is but it’s recently been updated. 

Meanwhile, I reactivated my first Ask account just to see what comes in, though I don’t intend to use it, and figured out a way to find out for once and for all if Molly knows about my second Ask account. She never fails to follow any links I post, so on Ask I shared the link to a site she doesn’t know about which is Histofme. Then I tracked Histofme since I can’t track Ask.