Read today’s whines and rants from Molly and it bothers me to see she’s still using full names, whether or not Josh G’s account is real or not. That’s her on-and-off ex in Iowa. Is it really him? Kim? Kat? Aly? A fellow Marbridger? She doesn’t seem to be sure herself. 

I suppose I shouldn’t worry too much about her using full names. I mean even if she wrote “Jodi S is a cold-blooded murderer,” what are people going to do about it? Hunt me down and kill me? It’s also sad that she would even think of communicating with a guy who she says abused her. Then again, she never did have much self-respect or else she wouldn’t spend so much time chasing after those who don’t want anything to do with her. 

The biggest thing she said that has me going “Oh fucking no!” is how she can’t wait to get into her own apt. I’ll bet she can’t! Then she can be free to torture and harass anyone she wants without the slightest bit of supervision or restraint. Seriously, if she’s ever allowed to be her own guardian, how will Mommy Dearest block Josh’s number from calling her then? God, I dread that day! I hope that’s just a fantasy on her part and that Marbridge, her parents, and the state all wouldn’t be that dumb. As it is they haven’t always shown much responsibility and smarts where this nutjob is concerned, letting it go online, etc. I hope to hell she is at least stuck where she is for many more years to come. Maybe by then the “experts” will realize old dogs can’t be taught new tricks. 

Amazingly, she continues to avoid checking in on me unless she’s doing it in a way I can’t see. 

Later… 

Someone blasted in at a noticeably annoying but not maddening volume last night at 10:30. Instead of turning down in front of our house, they headed toward the cemetery. At that hour I’d say it’s unlikely that it was a visitor. It’s sad that this shit is now a part of this park. Every place I move to that isn’t rocking off the bat ends up getting noisier within a year. It’s just that this usually happens by whoever’s closest to me becoming noisy or moving and then being replaced by noisy people. Instead, my park has become a home for these stereos. Most of them are still outside the park, though it’s been pretty quiet since I got up late this afternoon. 

It was hot today and I want the temp down to at least 72° when I go out for tonight’s run. So I’ll be leaving around 11pm. I’ll try again to get my running details to post to Facebook. 

The lady across the street got a new golf cart and this Sunday they're having some kind of activity where I guess you decorate your golf cart if you have one. Not sure if they’re going to be paraded through the park or not, but at least those things are quiet if they are, since I’ll probably be sleeping at the time. 

As I mentioned before, I was pissed because the park doesn’t usually turn our water off twice in the same week. Then I was pissed even more trying to get water out of the hot side in the master bath. Usually, it only spits air at me a few seconds after being turned off, but this time it took forever! The air pressure knocked the massager right off its holder in the shower and I started to wonder if something was wrong. Just when I thought water would never come out, I heard it bubble up in the wall and then there it was. 

I was supposed to get my period today and didn’t, so hopefully tomorrow or the next day. Yesterday was one of those days where I just couldn’t get rid of my hunger no matter what I ate. I ate and I ate and I still felt like I hadn’t eaten in years. Finally fed up and determined to try to figure out what to do about it when I have those days, typically before periods, I did some research. But I came up with the same general causes – pregnancy, PMS, diabetes, hyperthyroidism, depression and anxiety. The question was what to do about it. Knowledge isn’t always power if you know what the cause of something is but don’t know how to solve the problem. 

Tom thinks it's part PMS, part depression because apparently depression is hunger. “But I’m not even depressed!” I told him, and he said that being depressed doesn’t always mean feeling sad and that it’s probably the PMS, which aggravates and enhances negative things in general, causing my PTSD and anxieties over the past returning to haunt us. Maybe so, but why would that make me feel hungry? When I get depressed – really depressed – like when a favorite rat of mine dies, that actually dampens my appetite. Back when we were so sure we were on death row I had to push myself to eat so I wouldn’t spend my final hours just moping in bed, drained of energy, and I couldn’t even do that. I’m still leaning toward it being connected to PMS. Yes, I have some pretty awful memories, and yes, I’ve lived long enough to learn we can’t always be 100% guaranteed to have escaped the past, but my life is the best it’s been in like forever. Things are absolutely awesome right now. I’m disappointed my meds aren’t relieving some of my hypothyroidism symptoms like my dry skin and inability to lose weight, but that’s easy enough to learn to live with as opposed to poverty. 

Ah, poverty. One of the dream faves, along with captivity. Last night we were renting a small room in a totally noisy and chaotic place, despite the fact that in real life, they just hired 60 people at work, many of whom are temps, which lowers his chances of being laid off. 

No hope for subsidies, though, LOL. A couple of years ago a regular employee at work was excitedly telling him how she got her utilities subsidized and that they’ll subsidize you up to 28k! He didn’t have the heart to tell her he made over 40k and that no utility or food subsidy program in their right mind was going to give us the time of day.