Right now, rather than having a will drawn up to leave our stuff to Tammy and the girls should anything happen to us, I’m content to let the state have our stuff. I’d rather some stranger, some unbiased person, get things like my offline journals. That way they wouldn’t take things personally. At least not like my sister and nieces would if they read all about how horrible I think they look or something like that. 

If I die before Tom as he thinks will be the case, it will be up to him to do what he wants with my on and offline writings. If he goes first like I think he will, I can then be the one to decide before I kill myself. For the most part, I don’t care what happens to my shit after I’m dead because if I’m dead I won’t be needing it, nor would I be around to have to deal with any negative reactions to anything I may leave behind to whoever gets it. 

Ugh, I don’t want to think about dying. I think about it way too much as it is, mostly thanks to what happened in 2007 and 2011. I am curious, however, as to why Lisa was at Tammy's house posing in a pic with her half-sisters if no one’s supposed to be in touch with her. Did everyone kiss and make up? Well, it’s none of my business and God knows I’m not going to get involved. That’s the biggest lesson Tammy taught me; never stick up for anyone, never take sides, etc. You just never know who’s going to turn on you and how it may backfire. The thing is, though, I had no idea Lisa was going to go crazy on me and viciously accuse me of lying about such petty shit to Dad without even asking me about it first. 

Couldn’t see much of Lisa’s face, but she’s not nearly as tall and as heavy as the others. She’s not skinny, though. 

Later… 

As I said earlier, I’m tired of hiding from this one person – possibly two – whom I didn’t ask or invite to be a part of my life. I don’t give a shit anymore what she or her associates read so long as they don’t contact me or fuck with my friends. A part of me still likes being private everywhere and members-only on Prosebox with my 2014 journal, which I’d then make private come 2015 so no one could know too much about me at once. But I like the idea even more of seeing who comes around. If there weren’t such a thing as tracking then I’d probably keep a lid on things. But I love the fun and surprise of seeing what visitors I can see coming to my different blogs. 

Nothing’s come in on Ask or my-diary, the only two places I can be contacted outside of Facebook that I know they’re aware of. Speaking of Facebook, I’m thinking of even going public there and just flipping things to friends as people “like” and comment on stuff. 

Aly said she mentioned me in her so-called blog, but I didn’t find anything. When I told her I didn’t give a shit what she said about me so long as she left me and my friends alone, Aly said she’d go so far as to call her mother if she had to just as soon as she’s back to mentioning her full name, cuz she won’t risk having to explain her shit to some future potential employee. 

At first we were doubtful that that account was really Josh, her physically abusive stud she’s still so in love with, but now we think it is. Molly went on to say they talked. Besides, the person created their account through Facebook which isn’t usually something an impersonator would do, and why ask her to call if it was Kim, Kathy, or a fellow group homie? I would think they would fling insults instead. 

She also highly doubts Molly will ever be able to live totally on her own without assistance except for maybe after her parents are dead who I’m guessing are in their 50s. I can’t imagine it either. She’s too stupid and too crazy. She has no concept of how to handle money, no concept of responsibility, no sense of right and wrong, and she’s known to get destructive when she’s having her mood swings. 

But someday, sooner or later, she’s going to get out of Marbridge and she’s going to have less structure and routine to keep her offline as much as she is now. Now she probably only gets an hour or two in the evenings. What happens when she can play online all day and all night? 

Later… 

Thought of taking a walk down to the pool, but would rather wait till I either get a new bike in the morning when we go to Walmart or restore my old bike. I don’t like walking back with wet hair, a towel wrapped around me, and my feet slipping in my wet flip-flops. It’s still too warm to go for a run, so I’ll probably wait an hour or two. 

I really don’t like how my meds make my periods heavier and how I’m still up a few pounds. Aren’t I ever going to lose this water? I lost some, but not enough. 

Despite fearing I’m destined to gain over time no matter what I do, I’m still going to drop to 1200 calories starting tomorrow and I might even consider joining Tom in an experiment he read about in a medical article. I was always taught that not eating is unhealthy and can damage your metabolism even more, but according to what studies are now showing, fasting 2-4 days twice a year has many health benefits and is actually very good for you. I read even more about it and was surprised to find it even helps those with allergies and asthma. The biggest thing is that it resets and refreshes everything sort of like rebooting a computer. We have many dead cells and what fasting does is help create new stem cells and all that. Tom was thinking of trying it on July 4th and 5th. He doesn’t want to do it while he’s working, figuring he’s going to be sluggish and all that. I knew ages ago I’d always be heavy no matter what, but I might try it out of curiosity. The question is – can we do it? It’s hard to believe we could! But we can’t know until we try. 

Looked at the dump trailer on Google Maps and the pic must’ve been taken after we left because the shed’s gone. The last pic of the place showed our old Ford parked outside of it, so we were home at the time it was shot. Now it looks deserted. I’d think that if there were any renters there, there’d be at least one vehicle present, a mutt chained outside… something. He still has his shit pile of old parts lying around which totally spoiled the otherwise pleasant landscape.