Just thought I would do an update while I wait to hear back from Dixie. I saw her yesterday, and today she said she needs milk and water from Walmart and needs help getting in. She asked if I would like to come along. I let her know I was available.

When I visited her yesterday, she was her usual non-stop chatty self. She’s definitely forgetful and a touch moody. Some of the things she says make absolutely no sense at all. After using her bathroom, I complained about how long it takes to pee when you get older and her solution was to tell me to stick a finger up my vagina and that would “get it all.” LOL Sure, Dixie, whatever.

It’s still nice to visit her every now and then. I enjoy helping her in ways I can. The poor thing can’t even hook her bra which I had to do for her when I got there. Since she still has a cast on her wrist, I took out her trash, checked her mail, cut some old pant legs into rags for her, and put a pillowcase on Diane’s drool-stained pillow. All the while I was doing this, I took pictures of all the rooms except for Dixie’s bedroom and bathroom and Dixie was none the wiser as to what I was up to, LOL. I did it to show Tom so he could compare her place to ours. It’s definitely had a lot more upgrading! If we had to stay here another four years as I believe we will, but could trade houses in an instant, I would probably do it.

What frustrated me was that I couldn’t figure out a way to upload all the pictures at once to Facebook. That’s easy to do on my cheap $1 Android but this $350 phone seems to have no option for that. That’s going to be a real bitch with all the pictures I plan to take on our next vacation.

Since I didn’t care for the mug that came with the hot cocoa gift package that was on clearance last week, I gave the reindeer-decorated mug to Dix and Di, and they appreciated it. I brought down a packet of minty hot chocolate, filled the mug with water after washing it, and zapped it in her microwave. I sipped on this while we chatted.

Anyway, not surprisingly, Dixie got a little upset by me suggesting she and Diane look into some kind of assisted living. I guess it’s just hard for older people to admit they really do need a helping hand and that things just aren’t the same. Trust issues are a big thing too. The two of them are really struggling big time. I honestly don’t see how they can go on as they have for much longer. Dixie can’t even get up from her chair normally. She has to put a wooden chair next to her lounger which she slides down onto her knees and then pushes herself up by placing her hands on the seat of the hard chair. If she can barely take care of herself, she can’t possibly take care of Diane properly with the way she is. I can definitely see doctors and others recommending she place Diane somewhere as they have. Linda, Diane’s babysitter, often helps out, but still. These two just shouldn’t be living on their own. I have a feeling they’re going to have to be forced out of there or something really bad is going to have to happen first. It’s sad and it reminds me that Tom and I will be old someday with absolutely no one to help us.

I did a heart attack risk predictor on two different sites and despite my shitty numbers, I have only a 3% chance of a heart attack over the next 10 years.

On my way back to our place yesterday, which is only four houses away, I could hear these creepy-sounding test sirens. I couldn’t hear them in the house, but I could hear them outside. I don’t think I’ve ever heard those before, and we’ve been here for 6.5 years. I’m not worried about Iran. As Tom said, there’s an election coming up. Besides, if they could take down a country that has way more weapons than they have, they would have already done so. Iran is easily one of the most hateful and deadliest countries, especially when it comes to the US. So they wouldn’t hesitate to wipe us out if they had the technology to do it.

Definitely not going to get cucumber mint-flavored sparkling water again. It’s just too weird. I’ll stick to my fruity flavors.

Yesterday was the second time I got a call from a number that’s been reported as a scammer, so I blocked it, curious to see if blocking actually works on this phone.

Since I decided to stop worrying about who sees what of my journal and started allowing comments, I got a private comment saying they like the writing prompts I’ve been doing and asked if they could ask me specific questions at times. I said sure. So they asked me to write about what kinds of stereotypes and generalizations bug me the most.

I’d say things about Jews being rich, and associating marriage with kids are a bit irritating. I’m from a Jewish family and I’m far from rich as are many other Jewish people. I’m married without children which has actually become more of the norm than the other way around. Many people that do have kids these days have them before tying the knot. But not everyone who gets married wants to have kids if they don’t already have them. I understand, though, that stereotypes don’t come out of nowhere as much as some of us may wish they did. Many Jewish people are wealthy and many people who got married before 20-30 years ago had kids. But… Times change. People change. Traditions change.

Dixie just messaged me to say she’s fighting with the government over the phone on something she won’t elaborate on but I’m guessing has to do with her inability to remain independent. So not going to the store and that’s OK because I really don’t feel all that great today. Mild dizziness and fatigue are back along with that strange pressure and sensation in my head where it’s almost vibrating. No idea what the hell it is.

Later...

Molly hasn’t tweeted since December 2nd, and I still can’t believe she would simply fail to notice Aly ghosting her or ignore her when she realizes she’s being ignored. She would be curious and want an explanation. Then she may even try to reach out to me.

I’m guessing she and Aly created new Twitter accounts somewhere to keep in touch. Not sure why Aly is reluctant to acknowledge her friendship to me when she knows I won’t pressure her about it and haven’t for a while. She knows how I feel about Molly and that’s that. We won’t try to change each other’s opinion of Molly. I’ve made it clear that I accept that she has a right to pick and choose her own friends.

They might be keeping in touch on WhatsApp and Molly may have other reasons for discontinuing her tweets, but I doubt it. Whether or not they’re in touch on WhatsApp, I think they’re still connected somewhere on Twitter. Not going to bother trying to find additional accounts of theirs because I just don’t care, especially about Molly. I’m sure I’ve done and said all kinds of things to offend Aly, knowing how sensitive she is, but if she’s mentioned it anywhere, so be it. She doesn’t have to tell me what she doesn’t want to share with me.

Even though Aly could decide to check every now and then and anyone can look me up by email, as she taught me, I’m back to using Bubbly again just for something to do. I still find myself getting bored at times and wanting to sit and chat about whatever comes to mind. Since I’m not a 10-year-old who can find comfort in talking to her dolls or playing pretend, Bubbly is my go-to when I want to do a verbal version of my journal.

I still only have one blog post and have been meaning to do a second one but I’m not feeling very motivated and encouraged. The odds of making much money this way still seem unlikely. If I’m going to work so hard for so little, it may as well be with the stories I enjoy writing. That is, whenever I have the luxury of ideas coming to me. I just don’t get as many ideas these days and when I do, they just don’t excite and motivate me in the way they used to.

I realize it’s been a long time since I cried. That’s how much better my emotions have been this last year or so. That doesn’t mean I still don’t get in blah moods at times like I am now or worried about future possibilities and things like that. But if I’m remembering correctly, I haven’t cried since we lost our last round of rats just over a year ago. I think it’s a combination of age, EMDR and hitting menopause. Just like some things don’t seem new and exciting the older we get, things also don’t tend to evoke negative emotions such as anger, stress and depression with the same frequency and intensity as when we’re younger.

At this very moment, I feel empty and bored and like I definitely need more variety in life. But what variety? Tom says he’ll never get bored when he retires because he has all kinds of projects he’s looking forward to doing. Well, I have all kinds of things I could do as well but they’re still along the similar lines of the same old things. My idea of a refreshing breath of fresh air to add variety that may perk me up isn’t something I can just act on at will. I can’t magically transplant myself even for just 15 minutes or so on the beaches of Maui, long enough to get some sunshine and take a dip in the ocean. I couldn’t just up and explore ancient ruins in some other country for a few hours either. I can’t go explore outer space. Hell, right now I can’t even muster up enough energy to go for a walk. I want to go out walking but just don’t have the energy even though I slept well.

It likely is low thyroid bogging me down, but until I can tolerate the medication regularly, there’s nothing I can do about it. I would still rather be tired than anxious. Dixie said she actually has more energy when she skips doses, but I can’t trust what someone half out of her mind says. LOL

Later...

Made myself hit the treadmill for 12 minutes and then another 10 or so outdoors. The planes have been quieter today, but the landscaping frenzy is quite annoying.

I picked up the mail on the way in and now I’m going to do whatever. First, how the hell did speech-to-text come up with “farting” for “bogging???” LOL, good thing I caught that because as I’ve learned, I’m pretty much on my own to catch my own typos since no one seems to want to point them out to me.