Ready to give up on The Killing and perhaps TV in general for a while. I’m tired of the unfair and unrealistic portrayal of society in general, even though I should probably tell myself hey, it’s just TV. But it’s all about how horrible white people are and how innocent everyone else in the world is and I’ve had enough. There are plenty of ways to have good, entertaining shows without making reference to race. It simply isn’t necessary to keep bringing it up as often as most shows do. When the producers start mixing in some characters that play the race card and stories about whites who are discriminated against, then I’ll be inclined to watch more.

I slept shitty as hell. The fucking trash and recycle trucks woke me up half a dozen times since they always gotta make a big production out of things and can’t simply get the shit and go. They shouldn’t need to be here for hours yet they are. It’s just fucking ridiculous.

They weren’t the only ones to wake me up, though. I woke up several times for no particular reason and to pee. At least I didn’t have that nasty foot cramp I had the night before.

Enjoying a break from the planes tonight which was annoying last night.

My nails are continuing to look better, so I’m just going to go and dump all my old nail polish and start anew with a brand that doesn’t mess them up.

Tom brought home a bucket of KFC after work. We’ll both enjoy this, the sides that came with it, and other things he got for a few days. He’s working tomorrow so he won’t be going to Sam’s until Sunday.

Each month I count the days that I ranged anywhere from barely borderline anxious to actually anxious and at first I was horrified when I counted six days for January, more than November and December combined. Then Tom reminded me of the experiment I did which means I didn’t go as low as I normally go with my meds and that’s why I had more anxious days.

It only makes me angrier and more mistrustful of doctors in general. The problem is mostly on the meds just like I said 5 years ago. At least now the good thing is that I know what to do about it when I start to feel anxious. It just sucks that I have to choose between anxiety or fatigue. I really love the energy I’ve been having, though, which is a sign right there that it was building up in my system, so of course I would have some anxiety. I skipped yesterday, cut today’s pill, and now it’s every day until labs. I just have to remind myself it’s only for 33 days. I got this. I can do this…and then I can trade any anxiety that should be building up about then if not sooner for fatigue.

He still thinks that I’ll one day be able to take it every day without being anxious but maybe not until he retires. He also thinks that together we’ll help each other lose weight when he retires. Well, he has a great track record for being right, but I don’t think so. He might get the first one right and he might lose some weight when he retires but I honestly don’t see myself ever losing weight unless something was wrong.