I did something rather pointless until Andy talked some sense into me. Yes, Andy.

I found Laurie H and I contacted her. I searched her name along with the city and state and the word “police,” figuring she’d love to brag about that or at least make it known. I found an account belonging to what I think is her. She was listed as working at the PD from 1987 to 2003 when she retired. She’s married with two kids and is from Greenfield. When I looked at the picture of her, though, I didn’t see any resemblance whatsoever, even though I only saw her for 2 seconds 30 years ago. She’s now 60 years old and looks pitiful. Also, I don’t see her maiden name mentioned anywhere. In italics is the message I sent her. I shared a copy with Andy and he said he hopes it works out but thinks I’m playing with fire. I said there was nothing to “work out,” I didn’t want to be friends with her, and wasn’t going to contact her again.

He said it’s never good to admit to a crime even if it was a long time ago. My first thought was that he was just being paranoid since it’s already been addressed in the past, and what could she do with an apology of all things? What I did in the 90s was illegal but how is my message illegal?

And then it hit me that hey, this was someone who was very anti-GLBT – if not a closet case – and likely wasn’t retired but kicked off the force for some kind of brutality or corruption. She would have only been in her early forties in 2003. Why would she retire then and go into office management? Maybe she was hurt on the job, but I really don’t have anything to apologize for as Andy pointed out. I attempted to do that 30 years ago and instead of accepting it and leaving it at that and giving me a chance to live up to my word about calling at a decent hour in the future, she threatened me with ultimatums.

Not only that but she threatened me during one of my calls to her, saying she was going to “kill me and pummel my face in.” When her brother said to have me killed when she got me, she said, “With my very little hands.”

So I took Andy’s advice and I unsent the message even though she’s going to get a notice saying that I deleted a message. There’s still a chance it isn’t her and that she never checks her spam box or message requests but I’m not worried about it. I mean, I’m 99% sure nothing would have happened but why take that 1% chance? Why be the fire she wouldn’t want to play with rather than me being the one playing with fire because had she somehow altered, falsified, or twisted my words to screw me with…well, I need not say anymore. But damn me for being so nice, forgiving, and apologetic. I’ve gotten better over the years, but I still need to toughen up even more.

Just looked at her pics again and IDK. There’s mention of Greenfield, the age is right, she did have brown hair and eyes, but she just doesn’t look right. I’d never guess it was her. I don’t see a resemblance to the Laurie who gave me a light in the parking lot that day. This woman is flat-out ugly.

The message I deleted goes like this:

Is your maiden name H? Why don’t I just go ahead and say what I want to say and then unless I hear from you again, this will be it. :-) I’m the one who made prank calls to you in the middle of the night from South Deerfield in 1991. For that much, I owe you a heartfelt apology. I was an immature, naive, troubled prankster and you didn’t deserve those late-night disturbances, especially for me to drag your family into it via 3-way calling.

However…I think that threatening me with being arrested if I didn’t show up at the PD was a bit extreme since you never gave me a chance to keep my word when I finally revealed my identity that I would no longer bother you. I assure you, for whatever it’s worth, I would have indeed kept my word. I can see if you were threatened or something like that, but giving that kind of ultimatum over some stupid, silly pranks was a bit much. Doesn’t excuse what I did. I get that. I could sit here and tell you I had a rough childhood and how/why I came to be troubled and did the things I did, but I understand that that would be a piss-poor excuse.

Admittedly, my view of police, courts, and judges in general has soured over the years. Too many lies to civilians and brutality. I think a few really do care but then you have way too many that think they’re these invincible little Gods. Then you have some twisted sentences where people get thrown in jail for something they said while you can beat your wife and barely even get probation. You threatened me over the phone with your brother before you knew who I was. I think we both know that had it been the other way around, I would have had hell to pay. Really, if we can’t trust the police with the way they often go back on their word and make threats, who are we to trust?

Regardless, I’m sorry I bothered you way back when. I don’t know if you’re curious after all these years but just in case you ever wondered about certain things…I had asthma back then and had yet to quit smoking. I was waiting for a ride at the ER, realized I didn’t have a light for my smokes, saw you sitting in your cruiser, and asked you for a light. I liked what I saw in that I found you attractive. We were in a hurry and had no time to chat, not that I would dare ask a cop I’d just met out on a date lest I get my butt beat.

I had a friend who was a nurse at the hospital. Her husband was a cop in Greenfield. Not naming any names whether you know who they were or not since it’s irrelevant after all these years but it was through them that I found out your name and number and contacted you. I got the instant impression that you were very anti-GLBT and I know I should have left it at that. For whatever it’s worth, I identify as bisexual. Ended up marrying a wonderful guy in 1994. Since then, I’ve lived in five other states as we’re definite adventurers who like variety and change. :-)

Again, I’m sorry. Take care!