It used to be that I would look at the clock and realize I had several hours left of my day and wonder what the hell I was going to do with them. Now it seems I hardly have any free time. Plus, when you don’t feel well like yesterday, you don’t always get as much done. I started a journal entry last night but didn’t feel well enough to edit and post it. So some of this is from last night, and some of it is from tonight.

Stacey was in my dreams last night. We still hadn’t moved yet but were just days away from doing so. I was walking somewhere by myself when I ran into her, and we hugged each other. I even gave her a big kiss on the cheek, and she didn’t seem to mind. I told her Tom was to pick me up in about 15 minutes and that we would be moving soon. She seemed happy to see me and said something about getting together before we left.

A split second later we were in a fish market where she was buying some fresh fish which she said was called something I don’t remember and that probably doesn’t even exist when I asked her what it was.

“That must have been expensive,” I said, but she didn’t say anything to that.

I looked at the clock and saw that I had five minutes before I was to be picked up. Five minutes to see if I could get her to commit to getting together somewhere but that was the end of the dream. I’ll always miss Stacey, but I would never trust her to keep her word about getting together if we were still in the same area.

I was being “booked” into a Texas jail in VR when I decided to get my glasses. Sometimes I can’t tell if an app or a video is just blurry because I don’t have my glasses on or because it’s poor quality. I stepped out of the room-scale boundary and into the kitchen to grab them and it was so cool because when you’re out of bounds it shows your surroundings in black and white. Then when I stepped back into the boundary I had drawn, it was like entering another dimension because I was suddenly back in jail, LOL. My black and white living room disappeared in an instant.

I looked at the menu with my single-vision mid-ranges on as well as my single-vision, close-ups and the close-ups were blurrier than the mid-ranges, so I definitely need a distance prescription.

OMG is there anything I can take without side effects? Anything at all? I took my third dose of Zetia and sure enough, I got hit with heavy fatigue and a scratchy throat. I also felt a bit of weakness in my legs and a slight tingling in my upper lip, but that could have been anything. I couldn’t swear that that much was on the drug or not but it probably was.

I’m just afraid that the side effects may keep getting worse and that I may get others as well if I keep taking it so I’ve stopped.

It really seems, as crazy as it may sound, as if something up there does not want me to lower my cholesterol. It’s almost as if it’s saying, “Hey, if I didn’t want you to have high cholesterol in the first place, I would let you be able to tolerate these drugs!”

I’m almost ready to give up on trying to treat the cholesterol. Maybe I’m just meant to live with it. I’m not kidding when I said I would rather not live as long and feel good than live longer and feel like shit. I figure I’m meant to live for however much more time I’m meant to live and that’s that. If I’m meant to live with high cholesterol, then so be it. I’ve had enough of the problems with medication! I can tolerate the current dose of my thyroid medication, but I don’t know if it’s worth seeing an endo for other options so I can normalize my numbers because I just can’t imagine what other options might be out there that I haven’t already heard of or that wouldn’t cause problems.

Speaking of doctors. I read an article about how women tend to be misdiagnosed and brushed off more than men and it really is a bit scary. I don’t understand why either. Is it just easier for doctors to do this? It’s still sadly all too common for women to be told they’re “hysterical” or “just anxious” when in fact they may be suffering menopausal symptoms or other things. Really, why the hell has no doctor brought up menopause unless I did? Why couldn’t they have told me that magnesium glycinate would help my anxiety? Why couldn’t they have told me about black cohosh for hot flashes even if I have to skip some doses so it doesn’t mess with my stomach?

I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that Doc A never would have mentioned the statins if I had told her about the foot cramps and said I wasn’t sure what caused them. It was MY research that found out what was causing them. Any smart doctor would see that their patient was on statins and tell them to stop for a week and let them know if the foot cramps backed off. If they did, they would tell them to start it again and let them know if they returned. If they did, they would switch to non-statins.

One person said she realized it was no longer good enough for her to be just a patient and that she had to do her own research. I totally get this feeling too as I can personally say that I’ve learned a lot more about thyroids, Levothyroxine, and menopause through online research and groups than I have from any doctor.

Watching a crime doc now on Netflix. I don’t get how a woman can get 60 years for strangling her boyfriend with her bare hands while Jodi Arias can murder hers and get life. If both are premeditated murder then what makes one guy worth life while the other is only worth 60 years????????????

Got an interesting but not surprising update on Nane which further proves what a bitch she is. She had Irene blocked for a while and then she unblocked her. She ignored the message she sent her but accepted the friend request and then turned around and deleted her. That is so mean! Especially if it was as deliberate as I think it was.

I decided not to re-block her because I’m not hearing from her. To me, blocking is supposed to be to stop unwanted contact that you feel you simply can’t ignore. Well, there’s no contact to stop. If I don’t get a response from someone I’ve messaged I wonder, is it because they didn’t get the message? Is it because they don’t even know it’s there? Is it because they’ve opted to ignore me and not read anything from me? Or are they silently reading away? I think the most likely case, if I’m not blocked, is that they’re not checking their message requests. A lot of people aren’t even aware of that.

A part of me is tempted to take Toni up on her offer for a coffee or tea visit. However, I hesitate for two reasons. One is that I still don’t think we’ll be here forever. Secondly, I worry about things going wrong if she turns out to be crazy or a real asshole even though I doubt it would. But it’s like mixing business with pleasure. You gotta be careful and not risk trouble ending up too close to home.

Furthermore, when you think about people helping us when we start getting old and have trouble fending for ourselves, it’s not the same as with a really close friend who’s like family. We couldn’t expect people like the Twenties or Toni to extend themselves as far as Andy, Jessie and Kim might for us and like Aly probably would have.

I still wanna check out bingo some night whether or not we make friends while we’re at it.

For the longest time, I’ve been swearing off diets because they leave me too hungry. Years of PMS and then going through menopause left me hungry as hell so I gave up on the idea of dieting. But it hit me that hey, I don’t have these issues anymore so maybe I could stand a 1000-1200-calorie diet. So I’m giving it a try, even though I don’t know how effective it will be. I still don’t think I can lose weight. I’m still older and I’m still hypo.

OMG, I got a way better idea than just leaving the termite story in a blog when I go or we go! I’ll still have it in a blog, but if I go first or we go together, I think we should publish it (under the pen name) and then send the link to them before I/we go. LMAO!!!!! I’ll have a disclaimer about anyone having the names in the book being purely a coincidence and all that like you find in other books, but of course they’ll know who they are. ROTFL!!!!!

I know I shouldn’t care but part of me hopes Andy never visits because I know that everything he sees in here, especially the doghouse, is going to have to be reported to Judy who will report to Norma who will report to Michelle who will report to Marla and so on and so forth. That’s one good thing about Jessie; we have no mutual friends, so what she sees and what I tell her stays between us. Trivial things I don’t mind, but when it comes to things that are unusual or personal like my health or anything like that, I should be the one to tell others about it.

Speaking of the doghouse, he said the guy turned the motorcycle on for about 30 seconds the other day to move it and cover it. It never woke me up, so that and the window inserts are working! I still have my doubts about the storms, though.