Every now and then I look in on the termite from my other Facebook account just to see if anything new pops up. I thought all I would see were self-assuring memes and I did find a new one saying that if you hold on to the past it will destroy you. That was pretty laughable too because the bitch holds on to everything.

The surprise came when she mentioned Mark being in the hospital on a ventilator and fighting for his life. There was also a link to GoFundMe to help with the medical expenses but it wasn’t clickable. This is because she either made it visible to a select audience or deleted it.

While I feel absolutely horrible for Mark, who seemed like a really great guy and totally the opposite of what the termite would be with, I feel absolutely nothing for her. I hope she and her daughters experience nothing but pure misery for the rest of their lives. Yes, I’m saying this about my own biological sister and nieces. You see, biology simply doesn’t matter when you screw me over bad enough, and I mean bad. Even more so when it wasn’t only a one-time thing. I have zero tolerance for any form of abuse whatsoever. I won’t take it from anyone, no matter what your gender is or your relation to me, or your status in life.

Again, we both feel bad for him. Our first guess is COVID. Of course it could be some other lung disease, but that one makes the most sense. My first thought was that he would definitely be doomed, but when I checked. It said that over 50% of COVID patients who need ventilators do survive.

Either way, it was all I could do to keep from suggesting that maybe Karma has finally visited her. Plus ask why she needs help with medical bills when the guy is on Medicare. He’s in his 70s. All in good time, though, as far as contact goes.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out. If he doesn’t make it, she’ll definitely announce it. I don’t want Mark to die for his sake, but her being a widow at 65 is quite a punishment. She would have only been in her 50s had she not given up the abusive man obsession and stayed with Bill. It would be worse if she was alone while she was young and horny but it would still be bad enough. I know that if Tom goes before I do, I’m following. I couldn’t imagine sticking around, even with all the help and money in the world. I would be so incredibly lonely and depressed, unlike anything I’d ever experienced. No thanks!

I know that termite and I’m sure she no doubt wishes she had her sister in her life to cry on her shoulder about what’s going on. She should have thought about that years ago, though.

For selfish reasons, I’m glad we’re disconnected. I’m mostly glad because of the way she is, but I’m also glad because we don’t exactly have much extra money and I know we would feel obligated to do something if we were still connected.

What’s kind of weird is the fact that I recently killed the guy in the story I intend to leave online along with all my journals when I’m gone. He’s not dead, but it wouldn’t be the first time I jinx-wrote something into happening. Perhaps the influencer is a little too close? LOL, only I’m influencing the wrong target. Or maybe not. If she dies, she can’t live to suffer unless she’s going to hell if there is such a place.

I still miss Aly every single day. I keep hoping she’ll fade into the background of my mind and become a distant memory but she never does. I think of her every day. She’s on my mind a lot. Just those simple things I miss that I took for granted like us writing on the old NaNoWriMo site and even how Kim would join the two of us there. Hell, I would even take Molly’s shit again to have Aly alive and a part of my life again.

I know I shouldn’t do this but I can’t help but compare her to Jessie in my mind. As sweet as Jessie is, whenever I get a message from her I can’t help but think how much of a better writer Aly was, how quick she was to understand and remember things.

I even miss my chats with Stacey at times, just not nearly as much. I still wonder about her at times too. She gave me every indication to believe she liked me. But then one day I saw her and she was so cold, distant, and impersonal, and I have to wonder how a person can turn their feelings off just like that. When I would really like someone, nothing changed that whether or not I knew it should. Meaning I would never pass up the chance to even be just their friend if I liked them that much.

I’m pretty tired today because I didn’t sleep long. Less than six hours. Tom said he assumed the thunder woke me up and I was like, what thunder? Surprisingly, there was really loud thunder for about half an hour to an hour. I didn’t sleep with an earplug, but I slept with Nature Sounds cranked up a bit. Anytime there’s the potential for storms or when they’re going to be mowing or when that fucking motorcycle returns in a few months, I turn up the volume.

I’ve actually been sleeping much better lately. I don’t have to get up to pee as much and I don’t hot flash on these satin sheets. The problem is that I don’t always sleep long enough. I know the next day I’ll make up for it and sleep longer, but I hate being tired as often as I am. I don’t know if I’m going to have any energy to “hit the road” and get in some miles on VZfit. I don’t even have the energy to write about everything I wanted to write about tonight, so I’ll call it quits for now.