While I’m writing this, I’m listening to a tape of Andy and I. The usual thing we do every so often to the crisis center. Tonight Andy spoke to Fran and Nancy. Andy tells them of his “problem” with seeing the desert and palm and cactus trees every time he looks out the window. I’m his little sister who butts in and with our crazy lines and shit and he’s trying to explain how our parents took off. He’s 17 and I’m 13. About a week ago he did this routine with me to a woman named Laurie at the center. Not only was she a major butch, but she sounded just like Laurie H. Every so often she’d say something that would also remind us of Tracy and Linda as well as Laurie. It’s so funny hearing these tapes and I can get some great edits out of them. It’s the least I can begin doing while I’m waiting for all the stuff the pigs took. Speaking of the pigs and my stuff, I’ve got to call Tracy who no doubt has been trying to contact me. I’ve been on a major screwy schedule as I mentioned before and she ought to have more information for me by now. Tammy would like to speak to her too, about my move. They’ve already spoken once before about how we feel and this and that.

Tammy called last night to tell me she’s got an apartment for me for $595! That’s more than this place, although, this is a deal and a half. This is an $800-$1,000 apartment. From her description, it’s a shoebox, but very modern and I guess there’s a dishwasher and a hookup for an upright washer and dryer. But $695! Damn. I told her to just look for a duplex at that point. Price-wise, I mean. There’s not much difference, so I may as well get my money’s worth like I’ve done here. She said she did check those out but they were not on a bus line. Oh well.

I’ve been up since 9:00 last night so I’d like to stay up until 3 PM and sleep as many hours as possible. Tomorrow at 1:30, I need to go to fuel assistance.

I began putting away things like knick-knacks and things I can live without till January. 1st. I’ve put them in the closets for now so dusting’s a little quicker and easier. Then, I’ll get boxes and just pack them in.

I hope to hell the cleaning crew isn’t downstairs tonight. I’ve noticed they’re there every Sunday night from 8:00-11:00 or so. If they’re there, the banging and noise of the vacuum will wake me up too early and I’ll be pissed. It’s not their fault, though. I’m the one on the screwy schedule. I should probably sleep with my clock radio on but I doubt that will drown out noises from downstairs. They bang the walls with the vacuum and I feel the vibration, besides hear it.

Later...

I am so glad I’m still up. I have an awfully bad feeling about waking up too early, though. Perhaps I’m being paranoid cuz of the rotten luck I’ve had that’s not rotten luck. After waking up with that nightmare the night before the dance and Kim’s car accident, I just don’t know. It makes me wonder. I need to sleep as late as possible as I’ve got to mail my mail, have Peter fill out a form, get food stamps and go to fuel assistance.

I hope and pray nothing from downstairs wakes me up or that fucking dog across the street. It never shuts up and the poor dog’s outside 24/7. Whether it’s hot, cold, rainy and no doubt snowing, the dog’s outside always. Someone complained, but complaining about its barking does no good as it only gets them to shut it up for a little while, then it’s back to the same old bullshit. I hope I don’t wake up for the hell of it either. If I can get on a schedule and get my errands done, I’ll feel so much better.

I hope the VCR picks up the two shows I’m recording that are on two different channels. I’ve used both programs in the timer record set up before, so we’ll see. On 22 there’s an Unsolved Mysteries special and on 40 there’s a movie about a woman wrongly imprisoned that’s based on a true story.

More importantly, I fear a power failure. Let’s hope not as it absolutely amazes me how many power failures they’ve had here in the 7 months I’ve been here than in the 5.5 years I was in Springfield.

I called Tracy who’s also becoming more and more on my side, but more and more annoyed. God knows when I’ll get copies of my tapes, let alone the originals. I wouldn’t get the originals till it’s over and that isn’t gonna be for 50 years. Also, I fully intend to file charges with the S. Deerfield police, Maliheh and Jenny. She knows that and will be helping me with that.

Speaking of Maliheh… I’ve been meaning to write about the call for so long but kept putting it off. I started to mention how a girl called saying, “Remember me? You licked my pussy.” As soon as she hung up, it hit me that it’s probably the girl on Maliheh’s answering machine leaving the outgoing message. An hour later, I got a second call and was given a 10-minute silent treatment. In that time, I just went on and on singing and saying funny stuff.

I was so happy to at least get a prank call since I can’t make them. However, two things entered my mind. Again, just like with Jenny. Why is it I have to pay for the same crime they’re committing? When are THEY gonna pay? When am I gonna fight back? I asked myself this and once again realized I must give what I get. You play with my head, I call you or do some other non-violent prank, you take me to court, I take YOU to court. People like Maliheh and Jenny are always gonna be in court. Not by just being brought up on charges no doubt, but also by bringing up charges on everyone they get pissed off at and can’t get their way with. If I brought everyone to court I’ve ever been upset with, I’d be there 365 days a year.

The third and last call I got was a major shocker. The same shock as being told I killed my father in 1982. That was probably a false rumor and lie circulated by someone if it wasn’t a mix-up. The third call was from a guy who went on and on telling me what he’d like to do to me sexually. When he came out and mentioned my being at the crisis center, boy was I shocked! It was Maliheh and her associate’s last call and I was bummed but for a while I got mad. I began to wonder if the cops or people at the center would have anything to do with this till I realized there was no way. It’s not like ambulance services where cops routinely get involved or hear it over their scanners. I called the center myself and was brought there by Kim. Also, I knew the chances were very slim of the center breaking confidentiality or someone working there doing this. So, I called the center after telling Tammy all about it and warned them that if I had to do to them what I was going to do to the PD, I would. The girl I spoke to was very nice and helpful to me and then it hit me. I asked her how close she was to Pearl St. and she said she could walk there in less than a minute and that people going to Pearl St. park right outside their offices. I also remembered some guy coming up to us and asking us if we were lost and remembered hearing a lot of yelling. I couldn’t make out what was said, but it didn’t sound like a fight or angry yelling. It sounded like drunks goofing around. So, what it boils down to is that Maliheh definitely saw me. If not, a friend of hers did who must have remembered seeing me the night we met. I’m easy to recognize and I do stand out. Even if I was of average height or tall, I doubt I have a twin anywhere.

Basically, my charging her is not due to her pranking me as you know that doesn’t bother me. I still hope I get more calls. The thing is, though, I wish she’d do the talking. But nonetheless, I’m charging her cuz she’s charging me and she’s a fucking asshole who very well deserves it.

I guess I am becoming more and more bitter. Why should I be sweet little nice Jodi when everyone else is so cruel and spiteful? One can only take so much, even though, I’d never go to such extremes as a lot of people do. You lose the motivation to put the effort into being nice and trying to get out of your shell and meet people. You become hard and cold and now even I feel less respect for people. And now even I get pretty judgmental and automatically assume the worst in people. I used to look at the bad and the good in people. Now all I see right away is the bad. I feel intense fear and lack of trust. I’m more skeptical and doubtful than I’ve ever been in my whole life.

Well, I’ve definitely got to get to bed now for sure. God, do I hope I sleep. I hope my shows get recorded too. And no asthma attacks!