Yesterday I turned out to be pretty productive. I wrote letters to my parents, Tammy, Lisa and Becky and Fran.

I junked the bed frame I put out on the patio. I really don’t need it and with me being so small I can handle the bed being a little lower.

I scrubbed the hell out of the kitchen. No wiping around things, either. I took everything off the countertops. I wanted and still need to do the whole place, but I was getting way too tired and dizzy.

I fell asleep at noon, woke up shortly at 6:00, heard him stomp a few times, then I finally got up at 9:00.

Fran called at 10:15 and we spoke for about 15 minutes.

I just finished Kim’s letter tonight. Next, I’ll work on Fran’s and Nervous’. Bob will only be getting one more letter since he claims to be leaving soon. I’ll send it right after the New Year. I typed up several envelopes last night. There are about 9 for Tammy, 9 for Becky and Lisa and 9 for mom and dad. There are also 6 for Fran, 6 for Nervous and 6 for Kim. I think stamps are going up, but even if they stay at 29 cents, it’s costly and it does add up. I won’t stop writing permanently to them, but I’ll slow down quite a bit. I’ll explain this to Kim, but not Nervo and Fran. I’ll keep them expecting and wondering with shock why they’re not getting all their letters. I’ll write to my family as often as I do now.

I’m still doing a little something for Tammy, Mom and Dad. I’ve got colored paper, which is about 4x6, and I’m making calendars. I’m making myself one, too, as I had this tiny little microscopic calendar I didn’t like. I could barely see it yet my eyes are fine. So, I have my teddy bear calendar on my refrigerator and the ones I made taped to my bedroom wall. Actually, I’m typing them. I can fit 4 months on one piece of paper. So there will be 3 pieces to each calendar.

Time out for a smoke.

Later...

Well, Andy quit smoking for 27 hours, he had told me on my machine in the early evening. I am to try to follow when I run out of cigarettes, which will be very soon. I’ve decided to take the healthier misery and always crave one and get fat. I’d also like to get off the Theo due to its side effects, even though they’re a joke compared to the Navane. Anything’s better than TD, but it causes dry skin, hair and nails. Makes my stomach gassy and bloated and it revs me up way more than I naturally already am. I have my own natural source of energy. Quitting smoking and getting off my meds won’t always keep me on a schedule, but it’ll help a little. The cravings will suck and I’m sure they’ll never go away. You get constipated for a while, retain water and your metabolism drops. This is why they say to drink lots of water. I’ll die by 30 for sure if I don’t quit and I wrote up a list of the + and the – to quitting. The positives are: I’d breathe better, sing better, save money, improve my immune system, get off meds and rid of bad side effects. The negs are the cravings and the weight gain.

Later...

I just made some coffee and emptied the dishwasher.

I put together a list of 15 exercises for each of the major muscle groups.

In a few hours, I really must finish the house cleaning which I got so sick of. I’m not into it like I used to be, but it needs to be done. My asthma and allergies will appreciate it. I must do the bathroom, dust and vacuum.

Kara’s mom is returning from Williams (a 4-season area). She is fighting with her boyfriend. So, now it’ll be Kara, Ashley and Kara’s mom and stepdad.

I’m a little disappointed in Kara’s mom Alana. The phone is in Alana’s name and I asked Kara to ask her if she could call Boston for their zip codes to the hospital. I’d pay, of course, but Alana said no. Can’t she trust her daughter’s friends? Plus, I did her a favor for their Thanksgiving dinner. I lent her two bowls, so she could’ve returned the simple little favor, which would’ve been under a buck.

Well, since Tammy said she liked the last joke I sent her, she oughta enjoy this one too. I told her that if anyone ever asks her how her sex life with Bill is, she can say this:

Quarter after 1, we’re having some fun in the bedroom.

Quarter after 2, he took off my shoe.

Quarter after 3, he put his hand on my knee.

Quarter after 4, he threw me on the floor.

Quarter after 5, we began to jive.

Quarter after 6, he grabbed my tits.

Quarter after 7, it felt like heaven.

Quarter after 8, he stuck it up straight.

Quarter after 9, we are doin’ fine.

Quarter after 10, we do it all again.

Well, Rosemarie must be pretty pissed right now. Also, wondering who the fuck could’ve egged her precious little car. I still expect punishment for this, but it hasn’t come yet. I’m about to get my period so I hope it won’t be bad cramps. Although, some things could be much much worse. Maybe she’s owed more than payback for pissing me off and God’s having me punish her? Who knows? Time will tell. I think she knows I moved, but of course, not where to. She heard me telling someone on the payphone I was about to move, so she may not even know I’m still at this complex. Maybe she’s seen me hang out with Ellie last summer and asked her, but I’m not really worried about it now. She’s an asshole and a half, although I still very occasionally fantasize about her. About every 2-3 months, I have sex with her in my mind, but she doesn’t know it. In this fantasy, she’s left Rick. I transfer to a 1-bedroom right next to her. Eventually, we speak and yes, it was paranoia caused by Rick. Also, her own private little fantasies kept in the closet. But in time, little by little, I bring her out of that closet.

These fantasies will always be the story of my life. The sex stories of my life, I should say. I do know now and am 100% sure I’ll always be celibate unless I settle. As for Kara, well, I still don’t know yet.

Later...

I am getting very tired. Soon, I’ll be going to bed and praying that Andy doesn’t wake me up.

I cleaned everything but the bathroom. Tomorrow I’ll do that. Cleaning this place sure doesn’t take long cuz it’s so small and I only have 10 shelves for furniture to dust. I do dust the stuff on the shelves. I did that a little while ago along with vacuuming the carpet. Tomorrow I’ll do the bathroom and vacuum that floor and the kitchen floor. Of course, they both take 3 minutes each.

As I said a while back, I changed my mind on my suspect for the firecrackers. At first, due to the timing and coincidence, I thought it was Stacey. It still very well could be, but I think it’s more like something Robert would do.

I took a piece of plain paper and wrote in bold capital letters, “I know about the firecrackers.” I put it in a regular envelope and wrote only his address and name in bold black marker. I put it on top of the mailboxes. So, if it’s him, and I’m fairly sure it is, I’d like him to know that I know.

A guy who lives in the building next to me gave me a couple of smokes as I couldn’t hold out. Kara came over with Ashley and she gave me a couple too. This is good as I really need to at least cut down first. I couldn’t have her stay long as I’m beat. I couldn’t stand it when Ashley screamed, so I was anxious to get her out of here.

I told her to check out Rosemarie’s car and she says it looks like she hasn’t discovered it yet. Guess she’s stayed in all weekend.

Due to being blessed with being able to wake up when I do so on my own for the last 3 days, I hope this doesn’t mean I now must wake up when Andy slams his door too hard. Or gets out of control with stomping. Or by someone else’s door. About 70% of the time in the last year I’ve been woken up by someone or something. When’s it gonna stop? When can I depend on not being woken up 90% of the time? In a week’s time, I’ve been woken up between 2-6 times. I’m sick of this shit. So sick of it!