As a surprise, I ordered Tom some address labels.

A few days ago I got 6 new CDs. Carly Simon and Reba McEntire didn’t really have any songs I like. John Lennon has one song I like and Abba’s Greatest Hits has lots of great songs. Lastly, I got two Prince CDs and there are several songs I like. A few sure do remind me of the bars when I was dancing.

Yesterday morning Ma called telling me Dad’s to be operated on this Saturday. His arteries are blocked, so they’re going to open them so he doesn’t have a stroke like Nana Bella did. They didn’t have this procedure when Nana Bella was alive. Thank God they do, or else he’d have a stroke like she did and be paralyzed on one side. They’re going to run tests on him all day today, mainly CT scans.

I cried all day and Tom held me when he came home. He’s such good support. The thought of it being the last time I saw Dad when I flew here is scary. God, I hope he comes out here! Ma said maybe this summer. She also said she got my picture, it was beautiful, and she put it on her dresser. I wasn’t too sure, and I thought it’d end up with Tammy. She gave me Dad’s room number to call. We spoke briefly and Tom listened by the speakerphone as I talked to both of them.

I also called Tammy yesterday. We had a long talk. I told her how much I want Dad to see me happy. She said he knows I’m happy. True, and that’s fine, but he’s never seen me happy personally, in person.

She also went on to tell me a long story about Lisa. This was the emergency that came up a while back and had her all upset. Lisa had a friend, Stacey, who was a bad influence on her and was rebellious cuz her parents beat her. She says Lisa can’t stand on her own two feet and was Stacey’s puppet. She forbids Lisa to see her and I guess Lisa’s been really bad about chores and lying and stuff like that.

Then, she went on to say the state launched an investigation on her for child abuse. I guess Stacey told the school psychologist there were bruises on Lisa’s shoulders. Lisa said she was constantly yelled at and grounded. Yeah, I believe that one. Tammy yells a lot. She says, though, she barely ever hits her and when she does, it’s on her rump. This I don’t believe, even though I didn’t tell her. I’ve seen her hit Lisa and knock her to the floor. I also know how tense, serious, bitchy, hysterical, and carried away she can get, too. She’s told me she’s doing what mom did, as that’s all she knows. This is why I fear having a kid. Part of me fears I’d be like my mom, the other part says, “Nah, you’re calmer, more together, and you have a great supportive, patient, calm understanding guy like Tom is here.”

The poor kid would have so many health problems, though. Heart and lung problems, possible defects, arthritis and God knows what else.

I love my sister and she too, is way overdue for peace and happiness. I hope she finds it, but Bill is not like Tom and I. He’s not as tense as Tammy can be and doesn’t yell as much, but he’s not Mr. Calm, Sensitive, and Understanding of the Year, either. Tammy said he got so mad at Lisa that he punched the door so as not to hurt her. Yeah, I can see that. I can’t picture Tom doing that, though.

Later...

I just talked to Tammy for a while since our Sprint bill was only $29. I also called Fran at his new number. He wants oh so badly to talk to Sabrina. Called Nervous too, at work. He said, “I don’t want to talk to you here.”

I said I’d call later at his place, but as usual, there was no answer. I just tried a little while ago.

Tammy still hasn’t heard from Larry and Ma says he’s in Texas. She says she’ll tell him to contact me. It’s up to him, but I don’t want his phone number, cuz I don’t want to be blamed if anyone ever decides to prank him.

I had this cloth dress, like a tank top dress. It’s blue and white striped. It was a little long on me and the ends were getting stringy. I hemmed it, along with the sleeves of this cool colorful shirt Andy gave me.

I typed a letter to my parents, and I wish to hell I could go swimming now!!

I told Tom I saw the punk across the street. He thinks he smashed his van and is grounded, but has been there all along. More power to him if he did crack that fucking van up.

Going to go try Nervous again.

Later...

Finally! Nervous answered and believe it or not that broad’s still there. The fucking thing wouldn’t let me talk to him, though. She rambled and about just getting out of jail and being all tripped out. The girl was flying high as a kite! Nerv said she was just tired and was trying to keep her away from the phone, denying anything was wrong, but this bitch is fucked up!

I told him about my dad and Larry. He said, “You told me.”

See? He does read my letters. Luckily this bitch doesn’t steal my letters. At least, I don’t think she does, but my God! This girl was tripped out, making no sense. The things she said and the way she said them were of a typical tripper. I hope she doesn’t fuck up Nervous’s life too. He could go down with her. She gives me bad vibes. In the same sentence, she’d ask me how I was, then say that 4 girls went down in jail as she got out on $6,000 bail and all kinds of gibberish. And no, this is nothing like when Andy and I’d do our phone gibberish.

I can’t feel this girl around too much longer, but then again, if she fucks over Nervous, well, he’s fucked over people himself, you know. Knowing him, he may very well deserve this. This is all he’s good for and can get, in a way. Totally the type of chick he’d get. Totally.