Last night I sat down at my new drawing table, but I just couldn’t create anything to save my life. Then after a while, I went into my bedroom and did an awesome wall drawing by my closet door that’s closest to the windows. I did it right in the corner, so I kind of did it on two walls. I made a vase, then a tree with flowers I’d never done before. I made 6 branches and each branch has about 6 different clusters of tiny flowers. Each branch’s flowers are of different colors. I made the vase of coral reef with purple streaks. The flowers are red, violet, medium sky blue, orchid, pink, and another branch of red. Actually, the reds are really raspberry. It came out great, though, and the whole thing’s about 5’ tall.

I’ve been getting these waves of pain in my upper gut lately. I hope it doesn’t amount to much, but I’m sure it’s gas.

Christina left Tom a message saying they’re moving into our area. Geri and Christina don’t even know we’re married yet. Tom last talked to Geri directly before we got married and he couldn’t really get a word in edgewise cuz she was so psyched about being engaged herself.

At one point I made a comment to Tom saying, “After my ear surgery I’ll pretend I’m 18 years old and all fucked up and maybe whatever’s up there will give us a kid.” But I once really was 18 and fucked up, but due to only doing it a few times with 2-3 guys, and perhaps a little bit of fate, I never got pregnant, but thank fucking God! That’s all I would’ve needed back then.

So then he said, “We can have a kid after the really important stuff is done, like your ear surgery, and it would help the business in some ways.” Like motivating us more as not only would we want to make money for ourselves but the kid, too. Also, to see how a kid would like certain computer games or whatever else we’d make and so much more.

Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of a kid and feel more ready for it. If I truly am fertile, I feel more and more like it really may happen one of these days, despite the fears and worries any new mother would have. There would be times when I’d need verbal reassurance and comforting from Tom and his positive, “Everything will be OK” attitude. I can always count on Tom. He never pushes me away. I still can’t believe how much I love this man and how lucky and blessed I am. If anyone ever fucked with him or any kid we had, I’d kill them. If I didn’t, I’d no doubt come very close.

He said something to me last night that made me love him even more, just when I thought I couldn’t love him anymore. He said if I ever wanted to go anywhere alone, he would drive me there and pick me up at a set time.

Here’s a real man who doesn’t push me to work, lets me be a housewife, be a part of his business, but who’ll let me see friends here and there without giving me shit. I feel the same about him. He could go out to dinner with 10 women and I know I could trust him. Even if they were better looking than me and there are plenty out there as well as ugly dogs.

I’m sorry, though, that I dislike Geri without meeting her, but sometimes it’s an easy thing to do like I feel he has with Kim and Bob. Opinions are like assholes, though. Everybody’s got one.

Later...

Tom’s up now and somehow he fixed my journal problem. He’s watching the show I taped him.